I would just like to state that while I hate the word "retard" and I never use it, especially around my students (they use it all the time, but the teachers don't), it fits this saying.
"I feel like a retard playing with a doornob. I just keep starring at it and nothing happens."
This was said by one of Ayron's soccer players after their game last night. They put a defenseman in as a forward and he could get close, but nothing would happen. When they brought him off the field, he said "Man I feel like a retard playing with a doornob. I couldn't get anything to happen!"
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