Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Be Careful

I lost my patience some time ago. I used to blame it on close minded professors. Now I blame it on work. I have all the patience in the world while I'm at work, so by the time I get home, I am done. I found myself being snippy and snotty for no reason. I have been praying for more patience for awhile now. I prayed for patience during the 8 months we tried to conceive. I prayed for patience during the pregnancy. I prayed for A LOT of patience during week 41 of the pregnancy. I now have patience. It could be due to the fact that I'm off work, but I think God's plan finally matched up with my wishes. I prayed for patience and got a baby.

You have to be patient with a baby. They can't tell you what is wrong. They don't automatically fall asleep when you want them too. They don't cooperate when you are changing their diaper.

The moral of this blog? Be careful what you pray for! I prayed for patience and got a child. Just kidding. I wouldn't trade him for anything....or would I??? Naa, I'll keep him. For now anyways. Hehe.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Moving On

I know it sounds cliche, but I'm moving on. Being a parent has put some things into perspective for me. I know, I've been a mom for all of two weeks, but that was all it took. I've been struggling and grasping for things that I now realize I don't need nor do I want in my life. I was struggling (before TJ was here) to just let them go. Now I can. I don't know what suddenly changed, but I have been giving it over to God repeatedly and I think I finally handed over the last bit.

It feels good to be free of those burdens and pains. It's great to know that the negative energy those things brought to my life will be gone and now I can focus on the positive aspects in my life.

It wasn't easy though. Part of me still wonders, "Did I 'give up' too soon?" 95% of me knows what I did was right and I will be better for it, but that other 5% feels some sort of connection still with what I gave up. Guess I really haven't handed ALL of it over to Him have I? Darn, I have a lot to learn. Guess it's time to go do some more prayer journal/drawing (If Taylor stays asleep that is).

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Things the books leave out

I read a lot of books to prepare myself for pregnancy, labor, and parenthood. After being a member of the mommy club for all of 12 days now, I have come to the realization that most books leave some valuable information out. These things might be written in a book that I didn’t read, but I feel that these things should be included in all the books. Why leave new parents in the dark when it comes to the whole process? Please understand that this post is intended to be sarcastic and humorous. I really do love motherhood and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

1. Breaking of your water (might not be for the faint of heart)
Ahh, sure the books mention it, but they don’t tell you how it feels or sounds. People always asked me, “What will you do if your water breaks and your out in public?” Well, I never had to experience that. I was “lucky” enough to have it broken for me. You would think that will all the medical advances we have, the tool used for this procedure would look like a high tech gadget. Nope. It looked like an extra pair of chop sticks left over from lunch. It didn’t hurt, let me clarify that now. It’s just odd. You are laying there in bed, knowing what will happen, but still unsure of how the whole thing will feel. Someone told me it would feel like I wet myself. Well, having been accident free since, oh I don’t know 3 or 4, I had forgotten that feeling. The actual feeling is no where close. You’d think they would move you to a tub or over some basin or at least out of your bed, nope. It did feel like I wet myself, but to the tenth degree. I had no clue my body had that much “water” in it! I’d compare it to Adam Sandler’s “World’s Longest Pee” skit. Just when you think it’s done, you slightly shift your body and the water works begin again. Finally, they get you all cleaned up and put your bed back together and you think, “Ahh, maybe I’ll feel a little less pregnant since I just lost 10 lbs. of water.” Nope. You still feel just as big.

2. When vacuum extraction fails
I am proud to say that I broke my nurse mid-wife’s record. Taylor was birth number 560something and her first vacuum extraction. Too bad her attempt failed. They (CNM) are trained to use the tool, but don’t. Well, TJ left her no choice. He had his umbilical cord in his hand and his hand up by his face. This caused him to become stuck in the canal (yeah, it’s as pleasant as it sounds) and his heart rate to drop. I have heard different numbers here, so I’ll pick an average heart rate and say that TJ dropped down to 50 and gave everyone a scare. The vacuum doesn’t feel weird or hurt, what feels odd is when the vacuum extraction fails and pops off the baby’s head. I swore the nurse had just pulled off my baby’s head. I thought I was about to give birth to the headless baby. Actually, at this point, I was terrified and pleading with God. I was beginning to realize the seriousness of the situation and even did one of those “save him, take me” prayers. I don’t think it got to that point, but it felt like it to me. The 3 failed extraction attempts left Taylor with a lovely cone head! He was lucky though, his swelling went down by morning and he never bruised!

3. When there is no time for a c-section
Things can get tense in a delivery room. Problems arise and natural child birth may not be possible, the next step, a c-section. Sometimes c-sections aren’t an option due to time. I remember the OBGYN (he was called in to do my c-section since TJ was stuck) walking in, looking at me, and simply stating, “Not enough time, he has to come out now.” So you are wondering, how can you get the baby out if he is stuck and there isn’t enough time for a c-section? Let me tell you that when a 200lb doctor decides to push on your stomach and basically shoot the baby out, you are helpless. It’s an odd alternative to a c-section, but at least the recovery time is shorter!

4. The lovely post delivery underwear.
I really should take a picture because I don’t know if I can accurately describe them. Those of you who have delivered should know what I’m talking about. They finally got me out of bed around midnight and ushered me into the bathroom. Let me tell you, after having several people “up in your business” for 16 hours and pushing out a “stuck” baby, the last thing you want to do is take those 10 steps to the bathroom. Never the less, nurse Becky made me. At this point, you don’t care who sees what, heck they’d already seen it all during delivery. They get you all situation on the toilet and hand you a spray bottle (to ease the pain of the urine on your stitches). They then hand you what looks like something I’d use to scrub my dishes. When I questioned Becky about what the object in my hand was she simply replied, “Underwear.” I laughed. She was serious. They are mesh “shorts” that amazingly enough stretch to fit anyone of any size. They have a blue band at the top and my sister laughed and called them “little bo peep lingerie.” Oh, and for added detail, they have fringe on the side! Basically, you are wearing a fishing net. I’m sure they serve a purpose (air flow?) but they can also be a literal pain in the butt. Imagine having the waffle weave pattern stamped into your legs, or worse, your butt.

5. The sleepless nights
Sure, the books tell you that life will never be the same and your ability to sleep through the night will disappear for awhile. What they fail to mention is the sleepless nights you give yourself. I don’t know how many times I have gotten Taylor to sleep and have been dead tired myself, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to put him in his cradle and go to bed. I find myself just marveling and the whole thing. That child was once inside of me. The entire process from conception to birth astounds me. God is truly awesome. Who else could have designed such a process? It starts out as some cell division and then 9 months later you have a child. A child that can steal your heart from the moment they place him on your chest. A child that can aggravate yet astound you at the same time. A child that can make you stop and thank God for His mighty deeds.

I am sure there are many more things I have yet to learn and I welcome those opportunities. I look forward to all things Taylor will bring into my life. We have already had a taste of the “sickly child” his first three days home. We were in and out of the hospital due to his white blood cell count and his jaundice, but thankfully those are cleared up and he is growing and putting back on the weight (he grew 1 ½ inches in a week) thanks to the supplemental goats milk my brother in law is providing us.

I know that I always said, “no more.” Several times during this pregnancy, but just like many predicted, I have changed my mind. I have changed my mind about a couple of things. While I do not wish to become pregnant any time soon, I now know that I could handle it. It wasn’t easy, but looking at Taylor as he sleeps in his pack and play reminds me that every sleepless night, every rushed trip to the bathroom, and all the pain of childbirth was well worth it. I have also decided that when/if there is a next time (we really do want to adopt and will look into that option) I will not be afraid of the needle. Sounds silly doesn’t it? In the past year I’ve had so many needles poked in me you’d think I’d be used to it. There was one needle I turned down. I didn’t have an epidural. I did have some pain medicine through an IV, but I asked them to stop it because it was speeding things along way to quickly. I was afraid of inserting a needle in my back, but when and if there is a next time, I won’t be so afraid.

They say that you should sleep when your baby sleeps. Well, it’s currently 2pm and Taylor is zonked out yet here I am, typing away. Maybe I’ll take their advice and go catch a nap; then again, the dishes need to be done…..

I talked to my sister yesterday and she said that she read this post to some of her friends and they found it hysterical. Let me tell you that I have plenty more, but haven't had the time to type them all out. Maybe I'll get to that this weekend (yeah right) and have some more hilarious thoughts to share with everyone next week.

More Pictures

Here is a link to some new pictures I've finally managed to upload to my facebook account.