Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Doing Better

I am doing much better. The days were stressful and for now I have come to the conclusion that I am happy where I am at (living wise). We have decided to attend New Hope. We like it and there is a good mix of people our age.

Prayer Request: Our cousin and his wife had a baby Saturday and Ayla decided to show up a month early. She was rushed to South Bend and David and Lynette have only been able to touch her twice. The extra sensations causes her heart to stress and her breathing to mess up. The doctor's say she is over the hump but we are still concerned.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Happy Happy

Yeah! So I emailed Sarah only to discover that she now attends the church Ayron and I are going to start attending. Yeah!!! I don't know why this makes me so happy, it just does. Well I'm in the middle of dying my hair back to a semi, almost close to natural color and the dye is making my eyes water. Yeah Sarah!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Maybe this is my sign

The more I sit here and wallow about not even being considered for the job at GHS the more I begin to think this could be my(our) sign. The other day I was talking to Ayron about this feeling I have been having about making a drastic change. I didn't know what I wanted to change, I just feel the need to make a big change. We joked around about trying to find a job in the Plainfield area where we honeymooned (around Indy) but I begin to question if we really were joking. I really don't know if I could move. I have a lot of family in this area but then I am feeling the urge to try something new. I looked at the DOE website and there are a lot of jobs in the Indy area, but out of my nervousness I purposly didn't look up the school districts around Plainfield. I just feel like things are really starting to click here. Ayron is making great progress at work, I'm making new friends at work and rekindling old relationships with friends from high school, we have picked up our relationship with Josh and I am really feeling the need to become friends with Kelly. I just don't know what to do. I don't know why but Vinita is always in my mind as well. I've only been there once, but I like that small town feel. I know the schools there suck (everyone homeschools) but maybe I could find a position aroud there. Then again, my uncle-in-law is a Superintendent in Michigan, but I don't want people to think I pulled the family card again. I guess I just really don't know what to do. Do I even want to teach right now? I don't want people to think I wasted my time getting my degree and jumping through all the hoops to get my license, but I know that ultimatly I want to be happy. I guess I could always email Sarah, she always has such great advice.

I feel really bad that I only really email sarah when I need help. That's something that God has pressed on my heart, friendships. I guess it's hard for me because I'm trying to balance it all and frankly I suck at it. I feel guilty about even thinking about emailing her. I don't want her to think that I only use her for a therapist. Arg...why must life be so freaking complicated. I am 23 (well almost) shouldn't I have all of this crap figured out by now? I give up, I'm emailing Sarah.


Well I just discovered that the position at GHS that I applied for has been filled with someone outside of the district. They didn't even bother to interview those of us within the district. It's frustrating. I thought that was what I wanted, but now I don't know. I did apply for several jobs in my old high school and middle school. Apparently I wasn't supposed to be at GHS, but I just have this feeling that getting a job as a first year teacher is going to be difficult. I don't want to sub for a year, but if I have to I will. What made it really bad is when I called A to tell him he gave me a passive and disinterested "sorry." It was like he didn't even really hear what I said. I guess I better keep looking at the DOE website for more jobs to apply for. If I was a drinker, I'd probably start drinking right now even though it isn't even noon yet.

** a half hour later A did call back and apologize

Monday, June 19, 2006

It's Funny How People Change

My five year high school reunion is this summer and while I have decided not to go (we have to send $50 to someone in North Carolina??) it is funny how many people I have run into in the past month that I graduated with. It seems that none of us care to go....hmmm... does that say something about our personality? Anyways, back to my original thought....oh yeah...its funny how sometimes five years doesn't seem that long, but then at other times it seems really long.

After five years, Ayron and I have lost contact with some friends who were actually married. We read in the paper that they were divorced. Ayron called his parents, and through some telepphone tagging we were able to get together with him this weekend. The person he married WAS a goodie goodie in high school, never broke the laws, one of those annoyingly perfect people who didn't even sneeze wrong but looked wrongly at those who did. Well, its funny how five years has changed her. Turns out that she began to hit the bottle pretty regularly and he came home to discover her infedelity. I was shocked to hear this. I never thought she was capable of drinking, let alone cheating. I guess it's just a really big shock! Hmmm...life goes on and luckily for him he is doing wonderful now and happier than he ever was!

Struggling with Sanity

Once again, Ayron and I find ourselves trying to decide what to do about our church lives. We currently attend a small church that broke off of a church several years ago. Our several failed attempt at growth only furthur frustrate Ayron and I. I am struggling with the idea of leaving behind some dear friends, but I keep reminding myself that just because we wouldn't attend church together doesn't mean we can't be friends. After talking to Ayron about my desire to find someplace where I feel like I am being "fed" we were invited by an old friend (that stories another blog!) to hang out with him and his friends after their Saturday night church. We didn't actually get to attend the service (bad service and a heck of a time at Applebee's) but we hung out with 12 people our age, some married, some single, some engaged at Josh's house. It was fun! I really enjoyed it. I felt like we belonged. But once again I was slammed back down from my "high" when my mother said "Everyone at church missed you AGAIN...where were you?" So I told her, "Ayron and I are thinking of attending N.H.'s Saturday night service. We don't feel we are gaining anything at G.C. and are trying to find a church that we feel is better suited for us." Mom's reply? That "hmmm" noise she makes when she is disappointed but won't actually verbalize it. Any of you who know my mom know what I'm talking about. It's frustrating. I feel the need to be a people pleaser, but I know that Ayron and I need to make a change adn we need to become more active with good people our own age who share our own intrests. So, that said. We are going to attend N.H.'s Saturday service this week and see how we like it. I'm looking forward to it.

** Yeah, the phone just rang and I manged to pick up some extra hours at work! Yeah! It kind of sucks though because I'm closing tonight (won't get home till like 10:30) and then I turn around and go back in the morning to open at 9. Oh well, it's more hours!!!