Friday, February 27, 2009

Here fishy, fishy, fishy

Today is the first Friday of Lent. It is funny to see how many fast food restaurants start promoting their fish combo about a week before Lent. Suddenly EVERYONE has a fish sandwich combo. Wendy's is promoting it's cod. It won't be long will McDonald's does the 2 for $3 on their fish. Heck, Arby's, the roast beef place, has a fish combo. What's next? A talapia pizza from Pizza Hut?

Canadian Alphabet

I am so gonna teach TJ the Canadian alphabet! I love The Barenaked Ladies version of the ABC's!

Hey Steve, hey Ed, that sounds nice, what is it?
Thank you, it's a, it's an alphabet song I'm working on

Oh great, a whole new alphabet, I just learned the old one

A is for aisle, B is for bdellium, C is for czar
And if you see him would you mind telling him?

Okay, hang on a second,


aisle, bdellium?

Yeah, aisle like a, like a theater,

alright, okay and bdellium?

Bdellium, it's a gum like tree resin, it starts with a silent B

And then czar?

Yeah, it's uh like a Russian czar.
You know everybody knows apple, ball and cat
I wanted to get into some, you know some stranger words

Right, I see what you're doing

D is for djinn, E for Euphrates
F is for fohn, but not like when I call the ladies

I thought phone started with a P like a Ph

No, it's F O H N, it's a, it's a kind of wind

Yeah, I know what you mean by wind

G for gnarly, I for irk, H is for hour
J for jalapenos, good in either corn or flour tortillas,
K is for knick knack, L is for llama

Pramma, llama, ding,

what's so strange about llama?

Llama, it starts with two L's,
what's the second one for?

No idea, I know loser

N for neumonic, M is for mdomo, O is for ouiga board
P for pneumonia, pterodactyl and psychosis, Q is for qat

Okay, Q qat? What?
Yeah, it's uh Q A T, it's an evergreen shrub
It's a perfect scrabble word because it's a Q with no U
There's not many of those,

you have too much time on your hands

R is for argyle , no it isn't

Okay, you're right, I couldn't find a good R word

S is for SzA?r, a lovely German river
T for tsunami, a wave that makes me quiver
U is for urn, but not like earning money
V for vraisemblance from French and therefore kind of funny
W for wren, wrinkly and who
X is for Xian, an ancient Chinese city, true
Ancient Chinese city, huh?

My guitar player, some hotshot

Y is for yiperite, a very nasty gas
And zed's the final letter and by final I mean last

Okay, when you say zed for the benefit of our American friends
You really mean Z, right?

No, I mean zed, like, like Zed Zed Top,

Zed Zed Top?

Yeah, you know the guys with the big long beards
Well, except the guy whose name is Beard, he has a mustache

I always thought that was interesting
You done with the alphabet?
No, extra letters I haven't heard of?
I think so

This was a great help, I think
With the contribution you made to world literacy

Well, I'm just saying, kids I'm just saying
Think outside the box a little bit, box with an RYeah, well, no box with a B A L K S like a pitcher

Ah, as opposed to B A C H S

Right, think outside the box, get into some Rochmaninov
That's Rochmaninov with a W

Friday Funny


1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

Big breaths, I instructed.

Yes, they used to be, replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA .

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a, 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

Which one, I asked?

"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!"

I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, How long have you been bedridden?

After a look of complete confusion, she answered....Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's your breakfast this morning?

'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patients dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN, no name.

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.

To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, " I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

She replied, No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Narrow Minded

First, read this.

As Isobel Stephens says on Greys Anatomy, SERIOUSLY? Seriously? Are you kidding me? What type of narrow minded, non accepting kids are these parents raising? What a perfect opportunity to teach your children about the differences between people. Is it really giving the kids nightmares or are the parents just not able to cope with things that are outside the norm? When will they grow up and accept peoples differences? Kids are the best target population to teach acceptance to. They learn, get over it, and carry on. Just explain to the kids by saying "Just like some of us have different color hair, some people were born with only 1 arm. This doesn't mean we can't be their friend. You can have blond hair and be friends with someone who has brown hair. You can also have two arms and be friends with someone who only has one." Simple as that! Grow up ignorant parents!

Boys will be boys

Two Little Boys
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic. 'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asked as she shook the older boy in anger. 'We were just playing 'church' mommy,' he said. 'I was just baptizing the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.'

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Daily Funny

"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'" - Mitch Hedburg

How young is too young....

to start holding a child accountable for their actions? I had a 14 year old student (8th grade). We have been having problems with him from day one. I told him yesterday that one more thing and he would be done. I know that he wanted me to kick him out yesterday, but I wouldn't. I wanted him to make that decision. I told him, "You don't have to be here [he wasn't here through the courts], there is the door. If you want to leave, walk out." I made him decide if he wanted to be here or not. Yesterday he decided that he would stay.

I consulted with my on staff counselor and she said what I did (having him decide and be accountable for his own actions) was the perfect move. Others have told me the opposite. So I am wondering, is he too young?

We have to start taking responsibility for our actions at some point. He choose to act the way the did and not do his work, so why can't he be held accountable for his actions?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

"I don't feel well."

I just got off the phone with a parent of one of my students. The parent informed me that their child would not be coming to school today because the student didn't feel well. The mother also told me that they were trying to get in to see the doctor. In the background my student was screaming, "I don't feel well. I feel big and uncomfortable."

It is times like these when I wish I could be brutally honest. If I could be blunt with this family, this is what I would have said.

"You don't feel well? Oh, I'm sorry. If you didn't want to feel this way you shouldn't have gotten pregnant at 15 by a 23 year old sex offender. You should have stopped to realize that you are still a kid yourself and in no way ready to take care of a child. How did you think you were going to feel when you were 9 months pregnant? Happy and carefree? Being pregnant is hard, and hard on your body. You can't just 'quit.' That's not how your body works."

But no, instead I said, "Ok, call me and let me know what the doctor says."

Honestly, how did she expect to feel being 9 months pregnant? It's situation likes these when I realize the morals in America have dropped. This family knew their daughter was "dating" a 23 year old. They consented to the sex and allowed them the alone time. Did I mention she got pregnant while being on home detention? They told the judge, "Well allowed them to have sex." That's fine and dandy in your world, but here in the real world, that makes him a sex offender!

I really feel for this soon to be born child. This child will have so many burdens and set backs placed upon it just because of the family it is being born into. It didn't choose to be born into a family with issues and mental illness.

I have actually gone so far as to contact DCS to ask if the child could be removed from the home until she gives birth. I was hoping this would allow the newborn to have a better shot at life. They legally can't do anything. It's frustrating.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Learn How To Dial

My work phone number is listed in the phone book under by boss's name. My program is run out of a residential house, thus the "residential" number.

Every week, at least twice a week, an old lady calls. She thinks she is calling the health food store (their last four digits are 3510). Every week, at least twice a week, I kindly remind her that she must have dialed 5310 by mistake (yet again).

Today when I answered the phone she didn't even let me finish my usual intro

"Youth Improvement Pro..."

"I have some questions about flax seeds. When I was in last week someone told me..."

"Ma'am, this is a government office."

"I know, I just have a quick question about the flax seed oil versus the flax seed pills."

"Ma'am, you have miss dialed. You want to dial 665-3510."

"That is what I did dial."

"No Ma'am, you have called a government program."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Ma'am. You need to hang up and redial."

She then proceeded to get all crappy with me. Hello? You are the one who miss dials ALL THE TIME, don't get crappy with me! I am about ready to call the health food place and ask them to suggest a supplement that would help her dial correct phone numbers next time she comes in!

Stay At Home Mom?

I love my job, but secretly (guess it's really not a secret any more) I wish I could be a stay at home mom. Financially, that is not possible for us right now.

I have two friends who are stay at home moms right now and I am a bit jealous. They get to spend so much extra time with their child(ren). I know that it is exhausting, but I think it is well worth it.

I sit here and think of all that I could be doing if I were at home. I could be running the dishwasher, doing laundry, have dinner all planned, vacuum the house, make the bed, etc. But I am in my office waiting for a student to finish a test so I can grade it. All of those things I wish I was doing will have to wait till I get home. Those chores cut into our family time. I like to have everything done before Ayron gets home so that when he is home, it is family time. If I were a stay at home mom, I could have all that done in the morning, do "mommy and me" story time at the library in the afternoon, and still have dinner on the table by 5:30.

I really wish I was at home cleaning right now.....the more I think about that the more I realize how sad a statement that really is.

No Wonder

I currently have a student in my program who is always putting himself down. Truth be told, he is one of the brightest students we have ever had. All we here him say is, "I'm stupid." We always correct him, but his put downs do get old.

My employee was reading the paper and came across and article talking about soon to be offered parenting classes. The article gave the following statistics.

1.) The average child in America receives only 12.5 minutes per day in communication with his or her parents.

2.) Of those 12.5 minutes, parents spend 8.5 minutes correcting, criticizing, or arguing.

3.) On average, a child receives 400 negative comments compared to only 32 positive comments per day.

No wonder my student can't stop putting himself down!

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Marriage comes with in-laws. I am discovering the the dynamic between wives and their mother-in-laws is drastically different than husbands and their mother-in-laws.

I often felt that my mother-in-law thought I was not good enough for her son. Ayron had seriously dated someone before me and I often thought she was liked more by my mother-in-law than I was.

I am discovering that isn't the case. Since Ayron has started traveling I am seeing more eye to eye with my mother-in-law. She has called at least once a day to check on me. While I know that she is also looking for any excuse to see her grandson, it is nice to know she cares.

I also think the dynamic changes when grandchildren enter the equation. The dynamic shifts even more if you give birth to a gender of grandchild she doesn't already have (Ayron and I have a boy, Ayron's brother has three girls).

I hope this shift in the dynamic is a good one, so far I think it is. I think she may realize that Ayron and I truly love each other and are in this marriage for the long haul.

Well, my in-laws are on their way in to watch Taylor so I can have some me time. In her words, "We didn't know if you needed some alone time." Well, I think I shall use my "alone time" to shower and look like a human so that when Ayron comes home he doesn't run away screaming.

Friday, February 13, 2009


As a teacher you live for light bulb moments. That moment when you are working with a struggling student and you see them finally get a concept. The imaginary light bulb above their head turns on.

I am currently crowded around a table with my students. For some reason they all decided they wanted to work in main classroom with me. They tend to work and hang out in the "garage room" (used to be the garage for the house I run my program out of) because it is laid back. We have mushroom chairs and pillows and it's just plain comfy.

After break I asked them to get back to work and they all migrated to me. It's kind of cool. They are all quietly working. Each student is doing something different, but I can see their light bulbs are turning on. What is really cool is how fast they have become independent learners. You can watch them read a question and see their light bulb dim. They think about it for a while and then BAM, the light bulb comes back on. It's enough to warm a teachers heart.

If only I could reach the middle schooler who doesn't want to do anything. I am still struggling with him on a daily (more like every hour) basis. He is completely separated from the rest of his group and he has his own little desk. I wish he would continue to work if we allowed him to join our table. I know that if I allowed him to join our table he would distract the whole group. So for now I take the three light bulbs I have been given and keep praying for the dimly lit bulb who sits in the corner.


Ayron is in Hawaii for work. I want to stress the word WORK. He was a last minute replacement for someone who fell and broke their arm in 3 places. Several people have asked me if I am mad. No, why would I be?

I have been fortunate enough to travel around Europe TWICE. I have seen the ocean. I have never been to Hawaii, but I am young, someday I will get there. I am very happy for him. He is getting to see and experience things that he never has before. He ate traditional Hawaiian food last night and even went snorkeling.

Leave it to Ayron to forget to take his cell phone out of his pocket before getting in the ocean. Thank goodness for the phone insurance plan. He got a new phone last night. What a story he will be able to tell when people ask him where he has been! How can I be mad when he is having such a good time?

Here on the home front, not much is happening. We did get our federal tax refund this morning (gotta love e-file) so I have declared today "Carma Gets Her Ipod Nano Day!" I stayed home this morning to get some stuff done and will go into work later.

The goat farm (my brother-in-law) is booming. Taylor Made gave birth early this week to triplets! She had two girls (8 lbs. and 6 lbs.) and a boy (4 lbs). They are all expected to make it. Taylor Made is not a good Momma goat, so they are feeding the goats with bottles. This allows my sister-in-law to cuddle and cradle and hold the baby goats while feeding them. She thinks it is great that they allow her to handle them like human babies. I think it will be great when this summer (when they are rapidly gaining weight), they try to sit on her lap! Our goat, "JoJo" is HUGE. She still have 2 - 3 weeks left on her pregnancy so we are expecting triplets from her too. I have been rationing Taylor's goat milk intake and he doesn't seem to notice the difference.

Yeah, our lives are just full of excitement! (I hope you realize this is sarcasm)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Arg. It's one of those days.

I am blaming today on the grey weather and lack of sleep! It just seems like any little thing will set me off today.

First off, Ayron left at 4am this morning, so I have been awake since then. I tried to fall back asleep, but just couldn't.

Then I got up and got around in a hurry, only to discover that I had a two hour delay!

I came to work and when the students started arriving, I had an eighth grader staple himself. Yes, he stapled himself. So then I went off and we had a 30 minute lecture about growing up and acting our age. I know I rambled during that "lecture" but I was furious. Who staples themselves?

And now my problem student is back after being suspended and he is right back to his old ways. He will not follow basic instructions. It's not that he can't, he chooses not to. I was looking through his assignments and he completed a whole chapters worth of work in English. Why the big deal? It was for Spanish class. Needless to say he is not happy that I am making him redo it! If we say, "highlight parts a, b, and c." He will scribble out parts a, b, and c. I inquired with his counselor about ODD, but nope. She says it is typical middle school male. I don't buy it. I am not a licensed therapist or counselor or anything like that, but this kid is crying out for help and I am the only one attempting to listen. I say attempting because his antics wear me down and by the end of the day I just want him to go home and bug someone else. I have tried everything and every possible teaching technique and nothing works. I am at my wits end with this kid, yet I keep putting up with it!

So I blame it on the weather. Stupid icky weather.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Aren't we adults?

I hate it when adults act like middle school girls. Aren't we all adults? Can't we talk face to face? What is with the unnecessary lying? Do you think that makes you look cool? Do you think that makes you look powerful? Well, in my eyes, it doesn't. It makes you look childish. Grow up! We are all adults so lets try to act like grown ups and talk to each other about our issues instead of behind every one's back.

Sorry, needed to vent before beginning my day. I am having a great day (my new lap top is in and ready to be put to good use), but I am tired of drama. That type of unnecessary drama reminds me of how middle school girls act. If I wanted that drama I would teach in a public middle school!

Monday, February 09, 2009


How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong?
I like routines. I like the order and the predictability. It makes me feel my life is in order. I do have to wonder if when in a routine, are we blind to the fact that it might not be the right routine for us? Do we get so stuck in our ways that we are unable to see our failures? The routine may work for us, but what about those around us? Do we try to force our routine on others and the become upset when it doesn't work the way we thought it should?

I'm a Genius!

Ok, ever had an idea that you are just so astounded by, but others look at you like you're crazy? I just had one (keep in mind that I am working on 2 hours of sleep since Taylor decided we should stay up and party last night instead of sleep).

Ayron and I are trying to decide how to go about the renovations on our house (furnace, backroom, then kitchen). I was talking (via email) to him about storage space and how I wish we had more of it. Our shed it already full of things and we need to clear some things out of the backroom. I literally sat at my desk and thought about storage needs for an hour before I exclaimed, "I'M A GENIUS!" My students looked at me like I was crazy (nothing new there). I can't believe in 2+ years of living in our house, I never thought to use......drum roll.....THE ATTIC! It took me 2+ years, some sleep deprivation, and a 2 liter of Pepsi to realize that our attic is empty and can very easily be used to store stuff. Man, I am a freaking genius! I am mentally making a list right now of all the things I want to put in the attic (two of them being my husband and my "furnace doesn't work husband.")

Why do I want to put two guys in the attic? To run the new heat ducts for the new furnace of course! Hopefully by the end of this week we can order our furnace and then Josh and Ayron can go about their merry little way (Kelly....we can baby shop?!) of making my home more heat efficient.

Seriously people, the attic. The more I think about it, the more astounded I am! Do people actually use their attic anymore? I know my parents used ours growing up. I know it's not the nicest place to be, but our million rubber made totes of memorabilia that Ayron won't give up, won't mind!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Purina Diet

I just got back to my office from a long and boring 2 hour meeting when I read this email forward from my sister. It cracked me up!

Today I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dog Lucky. I was in the check out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. Rather, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

Class of 2001

I love facebook. I think it can be a great tool and way to network (if done properly). It is also a way to catch up with/find friends from your graduating class. The other day it hit me, I have been out of high school for almost 8 years. 8 years is a long time. A lot can be accomplished. I started looking at what my classmates have accomplished (thanks to facebook) and I started with our class' facebook page.

They asked us to post what we had been up to since graduation is 50 words or less. This was my response: Ran away from life. Came back. Married an Eastside Grad (harass me later). Graduated. Found myself. Struggled. Found my true self. Landed a great job doing something out of the norm. Rediscovered old friends. Bought a house. Created life. Learned a lot about the “real world.”

I feel I have accomplished a lot. I have also grown up/matured a lot. I know who I am and I have goals and aspirations for my life.

I look at some classmates pages and I have to wonder if they have grown up at all. Pictures of them partying and being wasted. Is that really any way to live? Maybe in college (heck, I didn't even do that in college), but come on, we are 25, 26 years old. Isn't it time to grow up?

I am also amazed at the number of people who have had children. It astounds me how many people had kids outside of wedlock. I am not going to get on my soapbox, but yikes. Many people had them at young ages. I have to wonder, "Did the event in those drunken pictures lead to a night that created that child?" I am not criticizing, we all have our mistakes (I don't believe a child is a mistake), but we are 25, 26 years old, when will we grow up?

I also have discovered that the classmates that lead a sheltered life (due to their parents restrictions) went crazy when they hit college. Some have straightened out, some have not. Some have severed ties and relationships, some have rediscovered them.

I find it fascinating who is married to whom. I married an Eastside grad, but several married fellow DeKalb Class of 2001 grads. Several have also divorced. I have to wonder if they got married too young. I was married at 21 (young by some standards), but I know that I married the right man for the right reasons.

I also wonder about the people who seemed to have disappeared after graduation. Where are they now? Are they happy? Are they even alive?

Our class was lucky, we only lost 1 classmate (while in high school). I don't think we have lost anyone since. I know several of us have been stricken with illnesses or family issues, so I continue to pray.

A lot can be done in 8 years. I know that I am happy with where I am at, but I have to wonder if my other classmates are happy with their lives.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009


We are having Taylor's 1 year pictures done on March 1st. Stephani will be doing our pics and she does "on location" type shots. I need some ideas of great locations. I am guessing mostly indoors since it will be March 1st. I want some unique ideas, but I am stuck.

Suggestions please!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Sick Day

I can't remember the last time I took an actual sick day. Sure, I used some sick days during my maternity leave, but that's different.

I "texted" in sick this morning. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Dayquil is helping, but my ears are still stuffy (I really can't hear anything), throat is still scratchy, and this lovely cough is persistent despite Mucinex.

So I was lazily starring at the tv this morning when I got a call from Ayron. Long story short, we might be going to Hawaii next week. Ok, get all your celebrations done now. We might be going to work. There won't be any sight seeing time, but at least I could say that I have been to the "main island!" We have arrangements for Taylor (thank goodness for grandparents) and we are looking into a kennel for Scooter. It could be interesting if it all works out.

Well, time for my next dose of Dayquil and time for nap #2 of the day!