Monday, January 29, 2007

Change in Work Email

For the few of you who had my work email, I thought I'd let you know that they finally gave me an offical steuben county government email address. I will occassionally check but I plan to phase that out. My new work email address is

Many Fishtales But Never A Doughnut

Growing up in Indiana, I have experience driving in this wonderful winter weather. While I've never been in an accident, I have gone off the road twice. The first time happened while driving to school my senior year. I was the 4th DHS student to slide off the road in the same spot on 35. I managed to get myself out of the corn field and to school. I called dad when I got to school and while I was still freaked out, he laughed at me. The second time happened while I was driving home from Ayron's old house. All of the sudden, I couldn't see a thing. I had a feeling that I wasn't on the road. I put the car in park, and called Ayron. He and his father came and got me out of the ditch and when I returned the next day, I realized that I was all of 3 inches away from hitting a tree head on. But, I have never done a doughnut.

Last night Ayron and I needed to return some equipment from the Auburn store. When he pulled into the parking lot, he did a doughnut and I screamed. While it was fun, I had no clue it was coming! He amused me by doing several more before we left. He laughed at the fact that I had never done one before. Well now I can say that I have experienced a controlled doughnut and it was fun.

Another Reality Show...

from the "geniuses" at MTV. I was flipping through stations while I was at my mom's house and stopped on MTV because the commercial caught my eye. They are profiling minors who are locked in an juvenile detention center. Maybe they are hoping for the "scared straight" method, but as someone who works with these youth on a daily basis, the last thing they need is a camera crew hanging around a facility. I plan on having my mom tape the first episode so I can see what it is all about, but that does not lessen my disgust.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Doing Better

I have been in a funk for the entire week. I don't like being that way. I am crabby, nonproductive, and just plain yucky. I decided to spend some time in prayer and meditation today at work. But first, I decided that I needed a snack. I went down the road to the gas station and bought a Sprite and Seyfert's Cheese popcorn. I came back to my office, popped in WOW 2003, the Silver Cd and started "meditating." Only, I can't sit still. I'm sure if anyone is outside looking in my office window they are getting a show displaying my wonderful chair dancing abilities. It's amazing what popcorn, pop and Toby Mac's "Irene" can do for a person.

"Hush little baby don't you cry, daddy's gonna sing you a lullabye...."

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


Anyone who knows me, knows I like music. I often use it as a type of meditation and prayer. I know it sounds silly to use music during meditation because most people prefer it to be quiet, but I like the noise. The lyrics are what help me focus. I have a small CD player in my office and I always have music going. Lately, it's been all Christian artits (Switchfoot, Stacie Orico, Jars of Clay, Third Day) and some old groups that I'd probably get made fun of if I admited that they were in the player right now, but for me, it works. Here are two songs that are currently running through my mind. What songs do you use to worship? What are you favorites? I loved.....crud, I can't think of the title, let alone any of the lyrics right now.....ahhh we sang it Saturday at church. Quick, Nate or Adam, what songs did we sing Saturday? Any who, I'm always looking to expand my musical tastes, so I'm curious what others listen to. It's still bugging me that I can't think of the song.

"Alyssa Lies" by Jason Michael Caroll

My little girl met a new friend,
just the other day,
on the playground at school
between the tires and the swings

But she came home with tear-filled eyes, a
nd she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa lies"

Well I just brushed it off at first,
'cause I didn't know how much my little girl had been hurt
or the things she had seen.
I wasn't ready when I said "You can tell me"

and she said... "Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

My little girl laid her head down that night to go to sleep.
As I stepped out the room, I heard her say a prayer so soft and sweet
"God bless my mom and my Dad
and my new friend, Alyssa
*oh*I know she needs you bad

Because Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

I had the worst night of sleep in years
as I tried to think of a way to calm her fears
I knew just what it was I had to do
but when we got to school on Monday I heard the news

My little girl asked me why everybody looked so sad
the lump in my throat grew bigger
with every question that she asked.
Until I felt the tears run down my face
and I told her that Alyssa wouldn't be at school today

'Cause she doesn't lie in the classroom
she doesn't lie anymore at school
Alyssa lies with Jesus
because there's nothin' anyone would do

Tears filled my eyes when my little girl asked me
why Alyssa lies *Oh Daddy, oh* Daddy tell me why Alyssa lies

"Long Trip Alone" Dierks Bentely

It's a long trip alone over sand and stone
That lie along the road that we all must travel down
So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
'Cause it's a long trip alone
It's a short piece of time but just enough to find
A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by
'Cause it's a short piece of time
And I don't know where I'd be without you here
'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yea YeahHallelujah hallelujah oh

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe I could feel right beside you 'til I'm home
'Cause it's a long trip alone


I managed to drag myself to work yesterday and today. I haven't been feeling well and my back has been the main source of pain. I am glad that I came in yesterday though. While I did get some work done, I also spent a large amount of my day chatting with an old friend. We grew up together, but lost touch until our freshman year in college, and that contact was brief. Our mothers ran into each other at Wal-Mart and I was able to get his current contact information. He is currently working overseas for 3 weeks, but we have talked more in the past week than we have in 7 years. It was cool to reconnect and remember all of the silly things we used to do as kids. We did talk about timing. I am a firm believer that everything happens in God's time and while we may not understand it, we need to accept it. We were talking and wondering why we had drifted apart and thinking back and wishing we hadn't. There were so many situations in both of our lives where each other would have been helpful. For some reason, God waited till now. I don't know why, and yes I wish he hadn't waited this long, but like I said, I accept it. It's funny though. I was driving to the chiropractor yesterday thinking through our almost 2 hour chat and thinking, "I would like to fly out there and visit him this summer." It's funny how after almost 9 years of not interacting we were able to interact like no time had passed.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Am I the Only One??

Today has got me thinking, and no thinking doesn't hurt (there I beat you to the punch line). I have a theory that I experience minor pain when people in my life are experience large amounts of pain. Here is why I have this feeling.

The day of Nikki's accident, I felt like crud. I couldn't pin point just why I didn't feel good, but I knew that I didn't feel well. About the time of the accident (I know this now) I really started to feel ill. I had a sharp pain my head, my left hand wouldn't function properly, and my left leg was tingly. Piecing it together now, I realize I felt this way because of two things. That morning, a friend of mine, who happens to be Nikki's sister in law (she's married to Nikki's brother) was is a minor fender bender on her way to work in Fort Wayne. About the time I started experiencing the larger pain, Nikki had her accident.

Not knowing why I didn't feel right, I came to work today. While I didn't, and still don't, feel ill, I don't feel 100% either. I started having severe chest and back pain. I felt like I was being shocked with a taser (not like I'd actually know that feeling, but it's the only think I can think to compare it to). The pain bounced off my sternum and hit my spine, where a numbness traveled down my back into my hip and caused my leg to twitch. It is still doing that now, but that's besides the point. Right after the pain was getting worse and I was debating calling the chiropractor and leaving work, Ayron called. A brother of his employee was killed in a car accident.

I discussed my theory with a friend of mine and that only caused me to think more. The night I found out about my parents divorce I was at Ayron's house and he brought me home because I didn't feel well. We walked in the door the exact moment the "d" bomb was dropped.

Last summer when my sister messed up her back, I was at home sitting and I had a strange shock run down my back. The phone rang and it was my sister in extreme pain.

Is this some kind of spiritual gift that I don't know about? Am I the only person that experiences this? If the accident of an employees brother is what brought about my pain this morning, then why is it back this afternoon? I know, I know, go to the doctor. I am seriously thinking about it.


Ayron just called me to let me know that a brother of one of his employees was killed in a car accident this morning. We don't know names, details, etc, but we know that she needs prayer. Please keep her in your thoughts this week. She is struggling with life already, and now this.

I Caved...

Ayron and I went to Fort Wayne yesterday and did some shopping. I was looking for tennis shoes or comfy shoes and we ended up at Payless in the mall. I ended up leaving with two pairs of the Airwalk version of Crocs. I never thought I'd cave into what seems to a be large fad, but dang...they are comfy! I wasn't able to get any fun colors since I have the feet of a giant. I have a black and a blue pair. I'm wearing the black pair now!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Poker is Canceled

For those of you who were planning or thinking about coming to our house on Monday for poker, we have to cancel. Ayron forgot he had a Relay for Life committee thing he has to be at. We will reschedule and let you know, so stay tuned for further details.

Phil and Nikki

Phil and Nikki came over the house last night and we chit chatted about what's been going on. The met with a lawyer yesterday. The insurance company of the woman that caused the crash says they "can't pay anymore." This is going to turn into a battle. They aren't looking to get rich, but as of right now, they don't know if she'll be able to go back to work, what the effects down the road will be (seizures, PT, vision,etc). But, Nikki is doing very well. She would like to say "Hello and thanks" to Devery. She has become the master of pureed food. They even did chips and salsa pureed the other night. While Nikki has undergone major changes, it's interesting to watch how Phil has changed.

Phil was, and probably still is, a macho man. He's not the emotional kind. When he does get emotional, it is hardly in front of people. He is the assistant chief of a fire department and very much a manly man. At times it seems as if his heart was made of lead, but now it's softened. Everyone would expect it to soften towards Nikki, but it has towards everyone. He never was mean with others, but he wasn't a touchy feely person. While he still isn't, he is a lot "softer." Watching him interact with Nikki, the girls, us, and even our dog since the accident has been amusing. Not like, funny amusement, but I watch him in amazement. I don't know if I could have remained as strong as he has over the past month. Maybe he's always been this way and I just never noticed. But I wonder if that is true, I've been around for 6 years now, and this is the first time I've seen him like this. I like it, and I hope he is here to stay.

Funny Forward

These "signs" were forwared to me by my sister. They are good for a laugh.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On another Septic Tank Truck: "We're #1 in the #2 business"
At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck:"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : "Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office : "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company : "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However , if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home : "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I Love Puppies!!

Who Doesn't Love a Cute Puppy?!

Scooter "Pooter Rotto Rooter" Reeves

Oscar- my dad's fearless daschund. This dog temps fate by challenging does, bucks, foxes and the occasional 9 iron.


As I was checking my list before heading out to Wal-Mart, I decided to grab the credit card out of it's hiding spot and paperclip it to my list. When I reached in to get the card, I realized that both the Wal-Mart and the Meijer cards are missing. I didn't panic because I am not the only one who uses the cards. So I called and talked to the money person in my boss's office. No one over there has them. She calls other people. They don't have them. My boss isn't answering his phone (it's his day off) and I can't think of any reason he would have it. After calling the Angola Wal-Mart and being on hold for a couple of minutes, I was finally able to get a number for the credit card company. I am currently on hold with them listening to crazy classical music. What makes this worse is knowing that after I'm done dealing with Wal-Mart, I still have to deal with Meijer.

Fun Day


Today is "Winnie the Pooh Day." His creator was born on this day in Scotland and now Winnie gets his own holiday.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Baking Soda to the Rescue

Ayron had his soccer tournament last night and they came in third. It was a good match and everyone was cheering them on. The team they lost to is not invited to play at the CCC next session and every other team doesn't like them. So it was cool to see everyone cheering for our team. But, back to my story.

We got home from soccer around 9:30 and since neither one of us had eaten a dinner I decided to make my speciality, mac and cheese. After Ayron was done cleaning up he came out to the kitchen to help. The water had just started to boil and I was elbow deep in dishwater so Ayron added the pasta and turned back to the sink to help me rinse. He heard to pops and turned to look at the stove. The burner was on fire. He looked at me and said, "" Not loud, not in a panic, just like it was no big deal. He grabbed a pot holder and moved the pot. He realized that it was stuff that had boiled over the previous night that was on fire. We tried to smother it with the pan lid, but that didn't work. I reached above the side of the stove that wasn't on fire and grabbed the baking soda. Ayron used it to cover the flames and the fire went out. It wasn't a big fire, but normally I would have been screaming my head off. But we were calm. After the fact when we got back to washing the dishes Ayron said, "We should have let it go, then we could have collected the insurance money." I did not find that funny at all. I'm just thankful that God inspired me to do the dishes because had we not been in the kitchen, we wouldn't have noticed the fire until it got big enough to set the cupboard on fire, and by that point it would have been too late.

I think when I go to Wal-Mart today for work I'll pick up a fire extinguisher.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Just throwing this out there because it is a free way of "advertising" a job.

I am currently looking to hire 2 people for the Youth Improvement Program. The people hired would be working with at risk or troubled youth. You would be in charge of completing the daily activity (I have them all planned out), helping prepare dinner (supervising the kids), supervising the dinner clean up, and driving the van for "field trips." The hours are from 3:30-6:30. I am looking for people to fill the following days: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (or any combination of those days). The pay is $15 an hour. This job would be perfect for a college age student or grad student who is looking to pick up some extra money. Experience with youth is a must. You have to have a clean criminal history and be willing to administer drug screens (you stand in the bathroom with them, but you don't have to watch them). I have a lot of feelers out at Tri-State, but I'm getting desperate. Heck, even if it's not something you could do on a regular basis, but would like to be on our "sub list" would be cool.

If you want more information or want to "talk" to me about it, email me at

I'm Hired!

Today was my meeting with the commissioners about me becoming a full time employee. I made sure I drug my boss away from his desk and we got to the meeting about 10 minutes early. They commented that this was the first time in a long time that my boss has been early. He told them it was my doing. Gold star #1 for me. When it was our turn, my boss stood up and said, "I'd like to hire Carma full time. She teaches for the day program and coordinates the evening program. The CC Board approved her hire and her salary will come from the XYZ (I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you) grant. " That was it. No fabulous introduction. No prying questions from the board. Just like that I became a full time government employee. I managed to wade my way through the paperwork. Heck, they are adding to my PERF and I was able to get a $25,000 life insurance policy (I know it's not a ton, but it's better than the one I currently have- NONE) for free. I spent more time getting dressed this morning than they did thinking their decision through.

The New Me

Since none of my students decided to show up yesterday, I took the afternoon off and decided to go get new glasses. I thought I was going to have to order them, and them come back and get them. I was lucky and they had both my frames and lenses in stock. Thanks to Greg I was able to walk out of there in 1/2 an hour with new spectacles. Here are what they look like. Mine are a dark red though, not black.
So as I was getting around this morning, I decided to wear my glasses. Well, actually I had made the decision awhile back. I have been wearing my contacts too much and my eyes were starting to warp and I've already had one bad eye infection, but back to my point. I knew I had the meeting with the commissioners today (that's another post) so I wanted to look decent, but not dressed up (they are not dressed up people around here). I decided to wear khakis, my red YIP polo with a white long sleeve shirt underneath. I recently had my hair professionally colored and once I put myself all together this morning, I didn't look like me.
I ran into my other office (across the street) to grab some paperwork, and one of the members of the CC Board (the one that suggested my nomination as a full time employee) looked at me funny when I pulled out my badge, swiped it by the wall, and walked in (the doors are locked and our badges allow us to enter without calling security and identifying ourselves). He asked someone who I was, and she said " know her." He looked at me for a good minute and went, "Nope, that's not her. Are you sure?" Keep in mind I'm in "my" office and he doesn't think he can hear me." He finally realized it was me and came over and said, "You don't look anything like you used to." I said thank you. To be honest, I wanted that. I didn't want a drastic change, hence the subtle hair color, but I wanted to look different, older, more put together. I think the glasses may have been the icing on the cake.

Random Pictures

Here are some random pictures with captions. Now the captions may not be humours to you, but to me (and a select few) they are.

"Mom! The troll moved back into my closet and I can't get him out!"
*Joe, you have some pale legs! Love ya though!

"This there outbuildin is worth 9 grand. I told them there insurance folks they was wrong, but they says that's what it's worth."

Monday, January 15, 2007

Am I a Church Chicken?

Let me preface this blog by stating that this blog is not intended to offend anyone in my church. It is merely an observation on my part and my struggle to change a conditioned response.

Back in June, Ayron and I started to attend a different church. Our old church left us wanting for more spiritually as well as socially. It had become very cliquish and I didn't like how uncomfortable it was making new people. We decided to try out New Hope in Waterloo. We immediately felt at home and decided to make it our home church. We have gotten involved with others our age and while we missed every church service in December (holidays, Nikki, illness) we still felt at home when we went on Saturday night.

The message on Saturday night was about healing the sick. Pastor D focused on the scripture when Jesus puts his fingers in a deaf man's ears and then on his tongue and said "Be opened." At the end of the service they had a sort of alter call. Usually the elders and their wives are available at the front of the church if you want someone to pray with. The pastor asked that those who needed some sort of healing come to the front and pray with those who were available. Several people came to the front. Ayron tried to get me to go. I have been suffering from horrible migraines. I have had my vision checked (going again today) and been to the chiropractor and those two methods seemed to have helped, at least for awhile. The migraines are back. I've discovered that I can stay in front of the pain with caffeine, but I don't want to be come addicted to caffeine. I didn't go up because, I only knew one person up there (I'm not comfortable praying with people I don't know) and the church had turned into a circus (in my eyes). Everyone was praying out loud. The pastor was talking on the sound system. The pastors wife was singing/praying. People were praising God, but it freaked me out.

I grew up attending a conservative Church of God. Prayer was said in silence, unless someone was leading it. Clapping to music was hardly done, and when done, it was horrible off beat. The raising of hands was a rarity. New Hope is the opposite. Which is one of the reasons I like it. People are comfortable to worship how they feel. So why am I so uncomfortable with it? I've never lifted my hands during song or prayer. I've never prayed out loud in a big setting. Am I a chicken? Will I ever get over these feelings? I am comfortable with the people at my church, but I'm not used to their style. I'm hoping these feelings will go away.

But since I didn't go up for the alter call, I am now asking for prayer. These migraines can be killer and they turn me into a big grouch. All I can do it lay in bed perfectly still with no noise or light. I have an active life and demanding job, I can't be laying in bed every afternoon. I know that some people would ask why I don't go to my doctor. I have several responses to that comment.

A.) My doctor is extremely busy and I don't trust his PA's. While I trust my doctors, his PA's have missed some very severe things in the past.

B.) I don't like to take medicine. I just don't. I will wait till Ayron forces me to take some Tylenol. I did break down and by some excedrine migraine medicine Saturday. I guess I don't like medicine, because it is temporary fix. I took some before church, and on the way home, the pain came back.

C.) I'm not sure that I completely am comfortable with traditional medicine. It seems that a lot of people have gotten hooked on pain killers, anti-biotic, etc. I know this will offend some people (heck, my mom and aunt are nurses) but I'm discovering how much lifestyle and food changes can do. I have been treated with traditional medicine in the past, and it has worked. I had by gallbladder out, treated for several ear infections and strep throat, but I'd like to think that I can play a part in my healing.

So, I'm asking for prayer now.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Am I Getting Old??

As I was driving to work today, I decided to listen to an old cd I had burned my freshman year in college. It was full of those dopey love songs that were cool back in 2001. It hit me, Ayron and I will have been together for 6 years tomorrow. That is a long time. Then it hit me even harder, today is Madison's (our niece) 9th birthday. I know that I'm not old, I'm only 23, but still. I never would have thought that at 23 I would have been in a relationship for 6 years, have a house, dog, 3 nieces, and an extended family I'd love so much. My age was further revealed to me when I decided to listen to music at work. I put in a cd I made right after I got back from Spain (summer of 2001) and I am astounded that I could have ever liked this music. Bow Wow? I know that I never like his work, but I know that for some reason it was the punch line of many jokes those two weeks across the pond, but now I can't remember why and that scares me. That was only a couple of years ago.... Oh wait, I remember (the song was set on repeat on the in flight radio), phew, I'm not losing my mind.

Forwarded Funny

This was forwarded to me by my aunt, and Ayron and I thought that at least Michael and Joe would get a kick out of it.

Preacher Barber

There was once a small rural community--so small, in fact, that the only church in town was a small Baptist church whose pastor had to double up as the local barber to make ends meet.

A man living in this small community had invested wisely and was enjoying his newfound comfort. This man got out of bed one day to go through his daily routine. He looked into the mirror as he was about to shave and said to himself, "I make enough money now that I don't have to shave myself. I'll go down to the barber and let him shave me from now on." So he did.

He walked into the barber shop and found the preacher/barber was out calling on shut-ins. The barber's wife, Grace, said, "I usually do the shaves anyway. Sit down and I'll shave you." So he did. She shaved him and he asked, "How much do I owe you?" "Twenty-five dollars," Grace replied. The man thought that was somewhat expensive and that he might have to get a shave every other day. Nonetheless, he paid Grace and went on his way.

The next day, he woke up and found his face to be just as smooth as the day before. No need for a shave today, he thought. Well, it was a $25 shave. The next day he awoke to find his face as smooth as a baby's bottom. Wow! he thought. It amazed him, as he normally would need to shave daily to keep his clean-shaven business look.

Day 3, he woke up and his face was still as smooth as the minute after Grace had finished. Now, somewhat perplexed, the man went down to the barber shop to ask some questions. This particular day, the pastor was in, and the man asked him why his face was as smooth as it was the first day it was shaven.

The kind old pastor gently explained, "Friend, you were shaved by Grace, and once shaved, always shaved."

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Are you kidding me??

So I had some down time right after lunch so I was crusing through the latest photos on yahoo. I stumbled upon this. It is a toilet and a fish tank. Do fish really need to see that view of their owners? Wouldn't some fish die of heart attacks?

What went wrong??

So I decided to take last night and pamper myself by having my hair professionally colored. While I managed to get my hair colored, it was not as relaxing as I would have liked. Not because of the stylist, SM rocks, but because of youth that I work with.

There is a new youth in my after school program who took it upon himself to video record a teacher's hind quarters. They were morphing in on the screen and making fun of her. Once she realized what was going on, the camera was taken and placed in my office. He continued to be a nuisance the rest of the night. He was told that he would only receive one point for the night (he was on time) but if this behavior continues, he would be removed from the program and placed back into lock-up. He claimed he didn't care. By this point the other students were trying to calm him down and talk some sense into him. His father called to say who was picking him up, and the student began to scream to his father over the phone. When his ride came to pick him up, he called her some names, and just left on foot. The teacher called me in a panic asking if she should call the police. I told her not to, but to contact his father and grandparents (dad works late and the grandparents are the emergency contacts). His father replied, "Oh, I know where he's going, don't worry about it." Don't worry about it? Your 14 year old child just intimidated not only a person on my staff by your girlfriend (his ride) and you say not to worry? When the teacher left work, she found that her car was covered in bodily fluid. She was assuming it was spit, but it was cold, so it had froze to the windshield. I told her to thoroughly check her car in the morning for ANY signs of damage, and we would file a police report if needed. This story leads me to my point, what the heck has happened that our youth think they can act this way and get away with it?

I work with troubled youth everyday, it's my job, but I am still amazed at how invincible they feel they are. Not just "I'm not gonna die" invincible, but they feel they are above the law. Reading their pasts, I can't imagine what my parents would have done if I had tried to get away with some of the stuff they do on a daily basis. Have people just forgotten how to parent? I know there are excellent kids and parents out there and that my view may be a little jaded because of the clientele I work with, but when did it become ok to let your child run the streets and intimidate 23 year olds and vandalize cars? Who decided that video games and tv shows about violence could replace family game night? Granted, family game night sounds a bit cheesy and I never had one growing up, but we did play games regularly. I would love to establish a family game night with my future family if that meant that my kids were more grounded and well behaved. I understand that you can only do so much as a parent, but doesn't a good foundation begin at home? So I'm trying to decide what to do about this kid.

I immediately called his probation officer this morning and left a message telling her that I have two teachers ready to quit if this student stays. It sounds harsh, but I'm wondering if some time in a locked facility would do him some good. Several of the students I work with said that while being locked up was not their highlight of the year, they did learn some valuable lessons. Maybe this student needs those lessons. He is only 14!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Ok, so I have managed to update grades and I had a couple minutes of down time to check blogs and surf the net. I discovered that my sister has a myspace page for her dog. Keep in mind that my nun to be sister holds a bachelors and master's degree and just turned 31. All fine and dandy I guess, but what gets me are all of the other dogs (their owners) who leave messages. Why pretend to be your dog and leave a message for another dog? I'm not trying to "slam" my sister, I just don't see the point behind it. Yes, I have a dog. Yes, he is adorable. Yes, I love him very much. Yes, I've posted pictures of him in my blog. No, I have not even created a myspace page of my own (nor will I) yet alone one for my dog. Call me a party pooper, but don't people have better things to do with their time?

We all complain about being so busy, yet we find time to blog (I'm just a guilty), chat(occasionally guilty), play internet games (guilty again), and update our myspace and facebook pages. Have our lives become so over loaded with long "to do" lists that we procrastinate by doing other activities? How much simpiler would our lives be without the internet. I know, all of you tech people are screaming, but think about it. I would like to go back to a time when we didn't have computers or the internet. Granted it would be hard, because I've never known a time like that, but I would like to try it. Would our friendships and relationships be stronger because we'd be forced to talk face to face instead of screen to screen? Would we be more physically active because we'd actually have to get off our butts and go to the store to get something instead of hitting "add to shopping cart"? Would we finally find time to spend those extra minutes listening to God instead of our ipods? Keep in mind that I'm not slamming technology, I use it on a daily basis (mostly for work) and I like it, I'm just wondering. Any thoughts?


So Ayron flew home yesterday, no suprise there. He told me he and the Auburn manager were flying home together. When I talked to him when "they" were driving home from Indy and I was going to pick him up at the Auburn store. He called to say he was just passing Dupont on the highway and that I should head out to pick him up. Well, about two minutes later, the doorbell rang. It was Ayron. He was the only one who flew home and his boss gave him the keys to his personal, brand new, really cool, truck! I was totally suprised! I was shaking. It was odd that someone I've known for over 6 years had the effect on me, but it was cool to still get those nervous butterfly feelings in my tummy.

Well, I did go and buy myself a Palm Pilot (Tungsten E3 Handheld) to be exact, but I'm having problems getting it to "sync" with my laptop here at work. So while my students are doing their community service, my boss and I will be trying to figure out my palm pilot.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I'll say it again...

...God works in mysterious ways. I hold to that theory. I don't try to figure him out, I couldn't even if I tried. I may wonder, but I know that I'll never truly understand. Case and point. Work has been crazy lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed and didn't know if I'd make it out alive or just run the other way screaming, "I QUIT!" I had this erie sense of calm about me today, which was a stark contrast to the emotions I felt yesterday. I kept questioning my calmness throughout the day. I tried not to worry about the things that were bringing me down (two staff memebers need to change their schedules, one gave me his two weeks). This afternoon I had a phone call from one person who I thought I was going to lose, she called me and admitted that she was afraid to ask me, but she was going to anyways. She wants more hours and she wants paid (right now she is fulfilling an internship). I said yes in a heartbeat! I called my boss, and it took all of 3 seconds to check the budget and BAM, I have another employee!! I may have even found a replacement for my staff memeber who is leaving.

I don't know why He allows me to worry. Maybe He is hoping that someday I'll learn my lesson and relax or maybe it's a constant lesson in patience, but either way, He is mysterious.


Have I become weak? These days away from Ayron has caused me to wonder. I always thought I was fairly independent, not as independent as my sister, but able to survive on my own. While I have managed to survive the past couple of days, it was a struggle at some points. I hated coming home to an empty house that I knew was going to stay empty. Sure, Scooter was there, but it's not like he can carry on an intelligent conversation with me. By getting married, did I lose my ability to be independent? What would happen if I had to be on my own (God forbid)? I think I would lose my mind. I'd have to find a roommate. I don't know how people live alone, especially after living with someone. Maybe if you've always lived alone it's different. I guess what made it really hard was knowing that everyone else I know, had things to do. I did have a couple of friends that called and checked up on me, but then I felt like a baby. I thought, " I wonder what they think of me." I was talking to a friend on line yesterday and he said his mom felt the same way when her husband went on a trip for 10 days. That was ten days, Ayron will have only been gone 4 days. When he called me last night and told me that they might be staying till Thursday morning, I lost it! He and the Auburn manager are coming home because if they stayed the extra time, the cost of staying longer and switching flights would come out of their pocket. So I am happy that he is coming home tonight, but I don't want him to think that he had to cut his vacation short because of me. Have I become a needy wife? Are my feelings and emotions common? Maybe this time apart has been beneficial for both of us.

I know that I had been taking Ayron for granted, and this past month has proved that to me. Everything could change in an instant (Nikki) and our roles would change. We talked about "what if that had happened to us." It scared me to realize that God could take him away from me before I'm ready. It happened to his mom. She was married to Lyle, had Phil and thought she was set for the rest of her life. Lyle was killed in a car crash by a drunk carnie, and WHAM her world changed. She was left to care for a 4 year old by herself. Could I do that? If I had to, I think I could? She was lucky enough to find Tom, and the married and then had Ayron. I don't know if I'd want to remarry after something like that. I think Ayron is the only guy in this world willing to put up with me. It sounds morbid, but I told him that I get to go (die) first. I don't think I could handle being left for good.

Well now that I've babbled myself into silliness, I should get some grading done and decide if I really need the Palm Pilot I looked at yesterday or if it was just the thrilling thought of owning a new piece of technology. What do you think?

Monday, January 08, 2007

CrAzY wEeKeNd!

I had one heck of a weekend. Friday was the funeral for Ayron's grandmother. It was nice and small, but the cemetery was a flood. We did a mock set up because they were afraid the ground would cave in if we actually stood around the dug grave. Then after the funeral I had to deal with several work issues (still trying to figure them all out, and it's Monday). While we were in Ft. Wayne, we stopped by Parkview to see Nikki. When we got there, she was finishing up rehab, and they discharged her. We helped get her all loaded up and on her way home. She was so excited to get out of there, and I can't say that I blame her. We helped her get settled at home, and then we took Scooter to his vet appointment. He no longer has worms or worm eggs in his poo (yeah rah) and they gave him two shots. He got the combination shot that all puppies get and then we went ahead and had him microchiped. Then we went out on an official date. We haven't gone out on a "date" in a long time. We went to Mad Anthony Tap Room in Auburn. We were going to go see a movie, but neither one of us could stay awake, so we went home. We did end up watching "The Break Up." Wait, let me clarify, Ayron watched, and I slept.

Ayron left for Florida Saturday afternoon. I thought I was ok with being home alone, until I got home from Ft. Wayne (I needed some new jeans) to discover that I had nothing to do, all of my friends were sick or busy, and that I had to entertain myself. I lost it. I was crying and I called Ayron, and his boss offered to get me a red eye flight to meet them. I almost took them up on it, but heck, work went to pot when I missed one planned day, what would happen if I missed two unplanned days! I managed to calm myself down.

I spent Saturday watching movies. Auburn has a new video store, the only video store, and they are doing a promo where all movies are 99 cents to rent. I watched "The Break Up," "Step Up," and "John Tucker Must Die." Mostly mind numbing movies, but I had fun.

Now it's back to the grind of work and trying to figure everything all out. I think I need to join a yoga class for relaxation, but I don't know where I'd fit it into my schedule. Maybe I'll go back to tanning a couple of times a week. I know, I know, skin cancer, etc. But I need the fake sun to help me through this crappy weather we've been having.

Well, these problems aren't going to solve themselves, so I better get to work.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Working 9-5

Today is my first day as an official full time employee of the county. It is only 2, and I'm exhausted. I've worked full time in the past, but not like this. I feel like I'm split between four departments, two of them being my own programs. I have two students out today, so that allowed me some more time to get things caught up and reports filed. I even managed to clean out the cupboards and fridge this morning and grocery shop! Not to mention, make Kool-Aid!

Today is the last day for one of my students in the after school program. This will be he second time through the program. In the last two months, he has really stepped up and taken on a fatherly type roll with the middle school boys. I'm afraid that when he doesn't return, their behavior will go to squat. I am enrolling another middle school boy tomorrow so the ratio remains 3:1 (boys to girls). I was surprised that I didn't have as many messages on the answering machine as I did. I thought that a ton of students would get into trouble over break, but I was wrong. Thankfully, none of mine did, so it looks like I can avoid court for another week!

Well, I do have some grading to complete and transcripts to start.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

When it rains, it pours

]['Ok, so here's some good news. Nikki is going to be released early. She is due to be released on Friday. She will need 24/7 watch, but she is doing very well with all of her therapy. She is excited and cannot wait to see Brutis (her St. Bernard).

Now for the not so good news. Grandma Margaret has passed away. She is Ayron's dad's mother. She has been in a nursing home for almost 2 years and was classified as an Alzheimer's patient. Her care had recently been turned over to Hospice, but she was still living at the nursing home. Apparently she hadn't eaten in several days, and this morning, she passed.

I am one of those people who believe that trauma's come in threes. I know that some people be live deaths come in threes, but I think it is broader. So I am wondering what is next. It seems like we just get settled into a routine, something happens. So, two down, one to go.

When it rains, it pours

Ok, so here's some good news. Nikki is going to be released early. She is due to be released on Friday. She will need 24/7 watch, but she is doing very well with all of her therapy. She is excited and cannot wait to see Brutis (her St. Bernard).

Now for the not so good news. Grandma Margaret has passed away. She is Ayron's dad's mother. She has been in a nursing home for almost 2 years and was classified as an Alzheimer's patient. Her care had recently been turned over to Hospice, but she was still living at the nursing home. Apparently she hadn't eaten in several days, and this morning, she passed.

I am one of those people who believe that trauma's come in threes. I know that some people be live deaths come in threes, but I think it is broader. So I am wondering what is next. It seems like we just get settled into a routine, something happens. So, two down, one to go.

Going Back...Full Time

I have to admit, this break has been nice. I've been able to work from home. I've managed to get the garage cleaned out and several boxes unpacked and helped to make the house seem like home. But, I also have to admit that it will be nice to get back to work tomorrow since I will be a full time government employee!! The commissioners are finalizing everything this morning, so lets all pray for them. It will be a rush to get everything done. I'll have eight "school" days to get grades done (I can't grade anything till they turn it in) and transcripts sent. I am proud to say that all of my students have been accepted back into their home school or the districts alternative school. It is a big deal to have 4 students accepted into the alternative school at once, so I'm proud. I am also very proud because I called my secretary today to see if anything major has happened over break, and so far, none of my students got themselves into trouble! I will miss being able to stay at home and play with my puppy whenever I want to, but I also want to get back to teaching.

A side note for Nat: Your nephew is growing like a weed. He is so long! He is laying on his pet bed (my big zebra pillow) and his head hangs off the edge. He's still just as cute though!!