Let me preface this blog by stating that this blog is not intended to offend anyone in my church. It is merely an observation on my part and my struggle to change a conditioned response.
Back in June, Ayron and I started to attend a different church. Our old church left us wanting for more spiritually as well as socially. It had become very cliquish and I didn't like how uncomfortable it was making new people. We decided to try out New Hope in Waterloo. We immediately felt at home and decided to make it our home church. We have gotten involved with others our age and while we missed every church service in December (holidays, Nikki, illness) we still felt at home when we went on Saturday night.
The message on Saturday night was about healing the sick. Pastor D focused on the scripture when Jesus puts his fingers in a deaf man's ears and then on his tongue and said "Be opened." At the end of the service they had a sort of alter call. Usually the elders and their wives are available at the front of the church if you want someone to pray with. The pastor asked that those who needed some sort of healing come to the front and pray with those who were available. Several people came to the front. Ayron tried to get me to go. I have been suffering from horrible migraines. I have had my vision checked (going again today) and been to the chiropractor and those two methods seemed to have helped, at least for awhile. The migraines are back. I've discovered that I can stay in front of the pain with caffeine, but I don't want to be come addicted to caffeine. I didn't go up because, I only knew one person up there (I'm not comfortable praying with people I don't know) and the church had turned into a circus (in my eyes). Everyone was praying out loud. The pastor was talking on the sound system. The pastors wife was singing/praying. People were praising God, but it freaked me out.
I grew up attending a conservative Church of God. Prayer was said in silence, unless someone was leading it. Clapping to music was hardly done, and when done, it was horrible off beat. The raising of hands was a rarity. New Hope is the opposite. Which is one of the reasons I like it. People are comfortable to worship how they feel. So why am I so uncomfortable with it? I've never lifted my hands during song or prayer. I've never prayed out loud in a big setting. Am I a chicken? Will I ever get over these feelings? I am comfortable with the people at my church, but I'm not used to their style. I'm hoping these feelings will go away.
But since I didn't go up for the alter call, I am now asking for prayer. These migraines can be killer and they turn me into a big grouch. All I can do it lay in bed perfectly still with no noise or light. I have an active life and demanding job, I can't be laying in bed every afternoon. I know that some people would ask why I don't go to my doctor. I have several responses to that comment.
A.) My doctor is extremely busy and I don't trust his PA's. While I trust my doctors, his PA's have missed some very severe things in the past.
B.) I don't like to take medicine. I just don't. I will wait till Ayron forces me to take some Tylenol. I did break down and by some excedrine migraine medicine Saturday. I guess I don't like medicine, because it is temporary fix. I took some before church, and on the way home, the pain came back.
C.) I'm not sure that I completely am comfortable with traditional medicine. It seems that a lot of people have gotten hooked on pain killers, anti-biotic, etc. I know this will offend some people (heck, my mom and aunt are nurses) but I'm discovering how much lifestyle and food changes can do. I have been treated with traditional medicine in the past, and it has worked. I had by gallbladder out, treated for several ear infections and strep throat, but I'd like to think that I can play a part in my healing.
So, I'm asking for prayer now.
4 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in a Roman Catholic church. So, New Hope was a major shell-shock to me. Just like you, I was comfortable with the people, not with the style. Sometimes I'm still not comfortable with the style, but I try to get over it because I know the people are sincere. The instant I think anyone is play-acting, BOOM! That's it. But it has gotten a lot easier and more comfortable, even if I don't always use that same style.
Down to point number (har!) B: I'm the same way. I hate medication. My wife has to force me to take it.
Point C: I am a HUGE believer in alternative medicine. Have you seen a chiropractor? Dr. Tom Jansen in Kendallville is excellent (also my uncle), but I've also heard really good things about Dr. Chalfant in Auburn. Nathan and Adam Diehl swear by him. They're both WELLNESS chiropractors, which is what you want. Also, diet and lifestyle plays a huge part. Check out www.drweil.com
Dr. Weil is an MD who got frustrated with traditional medicine and spent ten years studying healing around the world. Smart guy.
As for not wanting to take medicine: the caffeine is, in a sense, one way you medicate yourself. I would recommend weaning yourself off of it (DRINK LOTS OF WATER), and making an appointment to see the Doctor--no matter how far off the appointment is.
If push comes to shove, just go barging in there next time you have one of them or feel it coming on. Also, depending on your insuracnce, there's also the E.R. in the midst of one. You know that old "let 'em see you at your worst" theory...
Between having a current eye exam and possibly having some head screenings done, you can get a definitive diagnosis of migraine, and there are some very effective medicines that you only take as the migraine sets in. Better to stay ahead of them than to be debilitated by them.
I'm also an advocate of holistic treatment, but I don't mess around with severe pain. Once you know for sure what you're dealing with (i.e. migraines and not some other, possibly more severe problem), then you can begin more targeted research into holistic treatments and see what works. In the meantime you can have a batch of Rx migraine medications on-hand so you're not bed-ridden or if one hits when you simply can't stop the world and get off for the pain.
You are not a chicken Carmie. I have been to many different styles of worship services and each one is different. Just like us, we all worship God in our own ways. So I say to you worship God with all your heart in the best way that works for you. As long as you are open with the way others worship too.
Secondly, I am sorry to hear about the migraines I dealt with them for at least 6 years however they are not as often or as bad anymore so I know how frustrating it can be know that you are in my prayers.
Well... I'm a little behind on reading your blog, Carmie... sorry... First off, I was raised in a church where the people ran around the church, fell on the floor, jumped off the walls, sacrificed small children, dumped oil all over the place (stains on the carpet to prove it,) and literally screamed and cried, whooped and whistled when they prayed out loud (as everyone did.) So, comming to New Hope had sort of a reverse shock-effect on me. I go to church and I feel bored with inaction rather than nervious. Even our pastor seems mild in comparison. I'm used to a preacher walking up and down the aisle, spitting in your hair as he shouts the Word of the Lord.
Just once, I'd like to see Pastor Diehl hope off the platform and say something like "Yeaaahaahahahahaha! I feel the Holy Ghost move'n!" I'd probably need to be prayed back to life in my seat.
But that's not the way Pator's personality is. He's extremely passionate without being overly ostentatious. That doesn't mean that God doesn't speaks through him to any lesser degree than someone who loses their voice by the end of a service. Just because New Hope isn't (to either side of comfort line) what we are used to, does not mean that God does not show up each and every time we are gathered... does not mean that He isn't touching lives... does not mean that he isn't doing anything worth shouting about. It just means that each and every church is different, just as each and every person is, and as individual churches we express ourselves differently.
Just bare in mind that I'm far to hyperactive to stand behind a pulpit for my entire service... so, when I'm a pastor and your at the church where I serve... expect something a little different than what you might be used to. *wink*
On the headaches now:
I had really bad headaches... I could go into a great deal of detail, but I won't... just know that God heals and he can heal you as he healed me. I'm praying for you, Carmie!!!
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