Changes

There are some possible major changes in our future. I can't elaborate more than that, but that being said I am still unsure about these changes.

I am a creature of habit and this could be a huge change. Don't get me wrong, it will defiantly be for the better but I am still unsure if this is the move (no we aren't moving, just changing the direction in our lives) God wants us to make. We have done our research and talked to several people. We have gathered the facts and Ayron is ready, but I am still dragging my feet. I don't know if Ayron knows how much I am dragging my feet. He knows I am hesitant and a great mentor told Ayron, "If she is not 100% on board, you need to wait." I want to be 100% on board because if this is meant to be it will be GREAT!

I have been praying about it and asking for wisdom, guidance, a sign, something from God. I need some reassurance but I am not sure if I am understanding or even seeing God's message to me. I keep going back to a sermon some time ago given my Pastor Stein. I am waiting for my eagle. I like things to be obvious. I want God to use the clouds to write my answer. Or have me read a billboard that says, "YES! I want you to make this move and I will make it possible." But I know that He can be subtle. So how do I know if it is Him or me just wanting it to be Him?"

I asked someone that once and they told me to "just keep praying, it will become clear." But I just keep wondering, "God was that you? Did I miss my cue?" I just want my obvious eagle. I keep looking out my office window and hoping to see an eagle sitting in the tree across the street. All I see are homing pigeons on the fence (don't ask). Yesterday morning I hit a robin on the way to work. Was that my sign? I don't think God would send my sign smashing into the hood of my car at 60 mph. Or was that His way of telling me that this move could crash and burn. Grrr. It is so frustrating.

People have been coming up to Ayron and telling him, "I have been thinking about you lately. God has placed you on my heart. Is there anything going on you want me to pray about?" That happened again last night at softball. How come everyone else has these feelings but I am still looking at the sky praying for a bird?

Lord, help me to be patient. Help me discern your wants for us and put aside my desires. Help me to see your vision for our lives and to support Ayron during this change. May Your will be done, not ours. Please allow us to make this decision using our knowledge and faith in You. May you make me open and calm so that I can see Your plan for us. You know that I like the obvious but make me able to see the subtleties from You as well. Amen.