I Still Believe

I got some upsetting news yesterday. A family member has stage 4 cancer. I felt my heart break. This person has been through two other types of cancer and survived. I felt like screaming at God, "HASN'T SHE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!" She has 5 children and she is an amazing person. She helped her mother in law through a battle with cancer only to discover she had cancer.

It breaks my heart to know that she is so young (37, I think) and has managed to survive so much, and now this. She has decided to try one last round of treatment. We are praying, but the realist in me knows the odds.

I was cleaning my office this morning and thinking about her and just praying out loud. Well, basically I was yelling at God. I am wondering what it is He wants us to learn from this. I'm finding it hard to see the light at the end of this tunnel because I know the odds.

I decided to turn on my iPod and the first song that it played was "I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp. I cried through that song and almost had myself settled down and then "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton started playing. I lost it again.

The first time I heard "When I Get Where I'm Going" was the evening after Ayron's Aunt Cathy's (the mother in law of our now sick family member) funeral viewing. The song touched me so much that for Christmas that year I made a framed picture of Cathy with the lyrics of the song surrounding the picture. I know He is trying to comfort me through these songs, but frankly, I am still just confused and hurt. I wonder what the future holds for her family, her children, her husband. They have all been through so much and now this. I am reminded of a church sign I saw on the way to work today. It read, "Having faith is not hoping He will, it is KNOWING He will." I know He will take care of everything, but it is still hard to see someone struggle so much.