I thought I'd take a quick minute to blog today. I am currently waiting for my second lap top to turn on and detect the wireless in my house (by house I mean my office). You should see my desk right now. I have two laptops set up (one stays here in the house, the other one travels with me) because I need to transfer some reports I did at home yesterday, from laptop number two, to my desktop. So here I sit. Two laptops, one desktop, one pencil caddy, one stapler, two printers, one fax machine, and several papers surround me. I am a bit overwhelmed today. I am doing my best to not have an emotional panic attack.
I did a presentation last night with my boss to the American Legion. My boss and I were talking before our presentation and I discovered that I have a meeting tomorrow morning with probation about one of my employees. I know we are going to discuss said employees behavior, yet I am nervous about the meeting. I am afraid his stupid actions will reflect badly on me. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not him. I have discussed a similar matter with him before, and he chose not to change. That is not my fault. I just have this fear that I will be attacked in this meeting. I have already created a plan of action to resolved the problem, so why am I so nervous about tomorrows meeting? I guess it's because I'm the type of person who likes to please everyone. I feel like I have failed. I was so eager to hire this person and I don't think it is going to work out. I have been praying about this whole situation for awhile (I kind of figured it would come to a head, regardless of my talk with employee). As I was driving home last night I felt like I was living the Barlow Girl's song "Never Alone." I actually found myself praying the lyrics to God. It went something like this.
"Ya know, I waited for you today. But you didn't show. I've needed you lately, so where have you been? You told me you'd meet me, yet I feel like you skipped out. And though I haven't seen you , are you still there? I know you are, but I can't feel you. I believe that you are, but I am looking to You for guidance. I need help. There, I said it. I get it. I can't do this on my own. I know that now. How much more broken can I be? (by this point it is important to note that I was not only thinking about the work situation but some other stuff I have been dealing with). I can't feel you by my side, so I'll hold tight to what I know. You're here and I'm never alone. And though you're invisible I'll trust the unseen. I am handing it all over. I am tired of thinking I can do this on my own. I'm done. Take it, it's Yours. Help me."
When I got home, I felt better. I touched the worry tree, and went inside. The worry tree is something Ayron's boss has started. We were telling B that we each bring home so much worry from work that we drag each other down telling our worries. Before we enter the house, we touch the worry tree, and place all of our worries on it. The tree is strong enough to hold them. We leave them outside. It sounds corny, but it works. I didn't sleep that well, but I do feel slightly better about my meeting tomorrow after talking to my boss this morning. I have to keep reminding myself that I did not screw up. I have a plan, I need to put that plan into action.
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The meeting went great this morning. It wasn't as big of a deal as they made it seem. It was between me, my boss and one other person. It was very calm and a huge weight off my shoulders. When will I learn that I don't have to do anything?
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