They always say "the truth will set you free." I am going to hope that this theory is true. Some people know, others don't. We haven't been keeping it a secret, but we haven't been telling the whole world either.
Ayron and I are trying to conceive. I have some problems in that department (PCOS) and I have been on a specific medicine for about 4 months now. While the medicine is great at making you feel better, it does not help when there is only one pink line when you want two.
I know that my wants may not line up with God's plan. I understand that, deep down I do, but I also know how I feel. I feel beaten down. What if we never can? We can't afford adoption. I know it is very early in the stages of trying. I was on the pill for several years because of my PCOS and that can mess with things as well.
So why is it when I talk to people, they don't admit how crappy this whole process is. I am sick of hearing, "It will take time." I know it will, but you saying that doesn't help my present mood. Why can't people come out and say, "That sucks. I'm sorry." I have one friend who is great at that, and she is the first person I call or talk to after one pink line emerges.
I guess it comes down to my wants vs. God's plan for my life. I just wish that I firmly knew what His plan was. Is it in his plans for us to be parents? I hope so. I really don't know if I could handle being told that I couldn't have children. I would probably have a mental break down and they would have to lock me up in the hospital where mom works, and that wouldn't help my mental state any.
It is really frustrating to be almost 50 days late with only one freaking pink line. I have decided to take the afternoon off and spend some time reflecting and talking to Him. Maybe I am not hearing him right, I don't know. All I know is that it is really frustrating and mentally draining.
2 comments:
That does suck, Carma. Have you investigated adoption a whole lot? It may be cheaper than you thought. There are some good online resources if you want them.
meanwhile, I will pray for you. :)
There's also fostering and possibly adopting an older child. Heaven knows there are TONS of those kids awaiting adoption, and those arrangements come with all sorts of adoption subsidies. (But I do understand the baby thing too.)
We have the *cutest* little girl here where I work who just went up for adoption. I only wish I was free and situated to take her in! She's only perhaps 9, but she's considered "old" by adoption standards. I've also always thought it would be neat to be available to long-term foster or adopt a sibling group. So many times they're not all free for adoption, but they long to stay together, and so few families are willing to do that.
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