Why Can't I Let Go?

So this weeks marks a huge change in our lives. Ayron and I are both back to work and have two children. Ayron's work schedule is a bit odd, but it's a job and he loves it. I got used to getting all the chores done before 9am when I was on maternity leave and it is make me neurotic that I can't do that now that I am back at work. I like having a clean house, even though I know no one expects me to, especially since I have two kids, a husband, and a dog.

Ayron does chores when he is home, but I come home and pick his efforts apart. Why do I do that? Why can't I just be happy that he did the laundry? I found myself getting upset because he waited until yesterday afternoon to do laundry. I was upset because I would have done it in the morning. WHO CARES?! I should have just been happy he did the laundry! I freaked out because the end of the counter had a pile of disorganized paper. Looking back now, I wonder, "Why the heck did I flip out?"

So how do I learn to let go of this....I don't even know what to call it...control? Why do I feel the need to be superwoman and have a spotless house, no dirty laundry, spotless kids, and dinner on the table? Who am I trying to impress? I wasn't this way before, but suddenly I am. It's aggravating because I know it grates on Ayron's nerves. I think I am super uptight this week because this is the first week we are both back at work and the kids are at my mom's/babysitter and I want to prove to myself I can do the whole "working mom" role. I know if I can't find a way to relax I will burn out, and fast. If I burnout, I will be of no use to anyone.