Struggling with Sanity

Once again, Ayron and I find ourselves trying to decide what to do about our church lives. We currently attend a small church that broke off of a church several years ago. Our several failed attempt at growth only furthur frustrate Ayron and I. I am struggling with the idea of leaving behind some dear friends, but I keep reminding myself that just because we wouldn't attend church together doesn't mean we can't be friends. After talking to Ayron about my desire to find someplace where I feel like I am being "fed" we were invited by an old friend (that stories another blog!) to hang out with him and his friends after their Saturday night church. We didn't actually get to attend the service (bad service and a heck of a time at Applebee's) but we hung out with 12 people our age, some married, some single, some engaged at Josh's house. It was fun! I really enjoyed it. I felt like we belonged. But once again I was slammed back down from my "high" when my mother said "Everyone at church missed you AGAIN...where were you?" So I told her, "Ayron and I are thinking of attending N.H.'s Saturday night service. We don't feel we are gaining anything at G.C. and are trying to find a church that we feel is better suited for us." Mom's reply? That "hmmm" noise she makes when she is disappointed but won't actually verbalize it. Any of you who know my mom know what I'm talking about. It's frustrating. I feel the need to be a people pleaser, but I know that Ayron and I need to make a change adn we need to become more active with good people our own age who share our own intrests. So, that said. We are going to attend N.H.'s Saturday service this week and see how we like it. I'm looking forward to it.

** Yeah, the phone just rang and I manged to pick up some extra hours at work! Yeah! It kind of sucks though because I'm closing tonight (won't get home till like 10:30) and then I turn around and go back in the morning to open at 9. Oh well, it's more hours!!!

Last Comic Standing

I don't usually watch such reality competition shows, but last night I got hooked on the "Last Comic Standing" auditions! The best clip is from next week. A comic with BellsPalsey was choosen to compete and his illness is highly visable. As he is limping across the stage the audience thinks it is part of his act. He stops, turns to the audience and says, "You realize you are all going to hell for laughing at me!" Cracked me up! The next funny one was from a guy (name I forgot): "If crabs have unprotected sex with each other do they get peoples?"

Summer Job!!

I forgot! I was hired at the Garrett Country Club for a summer job that will carry over into October (but only after school once August begins). I start on Tuesday and I am really excited. The "owners/managers" are really nice and I had their daughter when I worked at the daycare. It should be really fun, except now I have to learn more about golf. Do they make one of those "Golf for Dummies" books....hmmm...Amazon.com here I come!

Pictures of Graduation

These are the pictures that the "professional" photographers took at the ceremony, but I say they weren't too professional, because I still look like me when I told them I wanted to look like Julia Stiles!

I Did It!!

Well, I officially graduated on Wednesday. I got my diploma. My prof after causing unneeded amounts of stress came through at the last second and got my grade changed and I was given my diploma. I am so excited to be done, but it feels weird. I discovered that I get bored easily. So...in an attempt to keep myself busy after work and during the summer, I have applied to work at the Garrett Country Club. I had my interview this morning and it sounds really promising. They will call in the next couple of days. It helps that I know the "Owners" because I had their daughter at the daycare. Hopefully I get the job because its good summer pay and tips and fun people to work with. Cross your fingers!

Alcoholic Professor Screws Over A Graduating Senior

I received this email today from Professor X explaining why he gave everyone incompletes on their transcript.

If you have tried to find your course grade on OASIS or on WebCT, you will have become aware that you received an incomplete.

I was forced to take this step because I was unable to complete my grading in time, and I will systematically file incomplete removals in the next couple of days.

For most of you this is an inconvenience, as you have completed all your work, and have a right to expect a final grade in a timely manner. I apologize for the delay.

If your work is complete, your exam grade and course grade will post to WebCT, to which you should have access for some time. If you cannot find this information please e-mail me requesting it.Again, I am sorry for any inconvenience.

Ok, this would not be a problem if I wasn't graduating! Because of his inability to keep up on his grading I get screwed over and I will not be given my diploma till HE manages to fix the wrong he could have easily avoided! It is very frustrating to pay the consequences for a prof that is absent minded, unprepared for class and usually a wee bit tippsy. I sent a pleasant email to my advisor complaining and I sent an email back to the prof asking him to please get mine changed tonight or first thing in the morning and take the steps needed on his end to ensure I receive my diploma. GRRR..

On a lighter note I managed to find a cute top to wear with my black skirt to graduation. I'll look good, but I won't actually get my diploma!

Any time is a good time...

to blog! Picture this. I am quietly sleeping in on a Saturday morning which I never get to do and I get a phone call. On the other end is my sister screaming and crying. Not knowing what to do, I grab some pants and my left over bottle of Darvavet (prescription pain killers are valuable in almost any situation) and quickly get into town. My sister has managed to mess up her back and I am currently trying not to yawn because she so badly wants to, but can't becauase her back has decided that to yawn would only upset it. I am currently wedged between the wall and her legs. She is laying like she is giving birth (I once jokingly said "I see the head") with her feet in the sturrups (my knees). It's oddly comfortable. Hey, I'll do anything to get out of doing laundry.

ARG!

Well I just finished with one of my finals. I think I did ok, maybe a B. What I'm mad about is the stupid extra paper I wrote for the class since I did the class independent study. I followed everything to the T and she still gave me a C. She said, "I thought you'd use more current articles." Well hell, 5 out of my 9 sources were current articles. The other 4 sources were things we have read for class. Grr, oh well. I'm to the point where as long as I get a C in the class I don't care. I still have one more final to do. It is a "take home" which sometimes can be harder than real final and I really don't have the ambition to do it, especially after the paper incident, but I have nothing better to do since Ayron has a soccer game around Ossian and won't be home till late tonight. Grrr. I'm resisting the urge to say "chuck it" and go shopping for my graduation outfit.

Scared Poopless

With only once week of college left, I am beginning to be scared poopless (trying to cut back on the swearing). I think my anxiety comes from the fact that after like 18 years of schooling, I'll temporarily be done (those continuing education credits to keep the license current) and the list of stuff I have to get done in this next week!

1.) Type last paper for Chaucer class that I forgot about (Check)
2.) Type last journal for African Lit (Check)
3.) Study and take my verbal test for middle English
4.) Study for and Take African Lit final
5.) After Friday (when it's posted) write and send Chaucer final
6.) Take the Praxis Test for my license on Saturday
7.) Call families to set up tutoring appointments
8.) Find summer job to suppliment tutoring money
9.) Sew (who am I kidding), have mom sew my color on my gown
10.) Figure out who is actually coming to graduation
11.) Walk across that stage (with my honors cords damn it, opps...) grab my diploma and run!!!!!!!!

Holy Crapy Batman, We've Lost Track of Time!

Well, I have done something today that I have never done. I don't have a paper done on time! I have never turned a paper in late, but I guess that no longer holds true. I thought that I had one more week before "dead" week here on campus to do my final paper for my Chaucer class. I looked at a calander today during my 4th period class (keep in mind it was silent reading day) and I want "Oh crap!" So I frantically emailed the prof and explained that I momentarily couldn't read a calendar and had screwed up! I am hoping the fact that I actually attend class and have turned in all the other paper's on time will make him a kind and gentle man! I've been off all day because of this!

Oh a better note. We found out that when Ayron hits 90 days he gets insurance! Oh, he also gets $100 for every mower he sells, and he sold one Saturday! Yeah, thats an extra $100 bucks to put towards medical bills!!

Well I should get to class so I can pretend to pay attention while I work on this stupid late paper!!

Funny New Saying

I would just like to state that while I hate the word "retard" and I never use it, especially around my students (they use it all the time, but the teachers don't), it fits this saying.

"I feel like a retard playing with a doornob. I just keep starring at it and nothing happens."

This was said by one of Ayron's soccer players after their game last night. They put a defenseman in as a forward and he could get close, but nothing would happen. When they brought him off the field, he said "Man I feel like a retard playing with a doornob. I couldn't get anything to happen!"

Yet Another Stolen

blog post from my sister

ABC'S of Me

Accent: I don't think I have one. Sometimes I say "y'all" but I think that is out of laziness.

Booze of choice: Winecoolers and Amaretto Sours

Chore I hate: Garbage

Dog or cat: The dog is no more, yet my two cats live with my mom

Essential electronics: cell phone

Favorite perfume(s): I tend to just wear body spray from Bath and Body Works.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: Auburn, Indiana.

Insomnia?: not lately

Job Title: Instructional Aide and Student

Kids?: Nope. Soon enough (no thats not some hint that I have one in the oven now)

Living Arrangement: With Ayron at his parents house (its huge and we have our own rooms so its cool

Most admired trait: To create something out of nothing. Oh my ability to waste large amounts of time procrastinating

Number of Sexual Partners: 1

Overnight Hospital Stays: I spent two very early mornings in the ER

Phobia: Fire, deep water, tornados

Religion: Christian- nondemoninational

Siblings: One older sister

Time I wake up: 6:15

Unusual talent/skill: I deal cards for Vegas nights

Vegetable I refuse to eat: brussel sprouts and squash, oh and peas are gross

Worst habit: Procrastination

Yummy foods I make: Pies, cakes, brownies, turtles

Zodiac sign: Cancer or Leo, I'm on the cusp, sometimes I'm not even listed

Reconciliation

I have been thinking about trying to reconnect with a friend that has severed ties with me. The strange thing is I don't know what I did to make her feel this way. Our lives got busy and we lost touch and suddenly she want to completly cut ties. It hurts, I'll admit. And while the past two months have been ok with out her, I still find myself wanting to call her or tell her about stuff that I think she'd like. I think I'll write her a letter. I just feel stuck. She is not the person she once was, but I can't figure out if her change has been for the worse so I don't know why I feel the way I feel. It's akward to see her around town. I shouldn't be scared, its not like she could hurt me (not that she wants to). I just hate the akwardness. Its not like I want to state my peace in a letter, but in a way I do. I just want her to know what I'm feeling, not tell her off or anything. Sometimes I think growing up and being a reflective thinker sucks.

So Close...

yet so far! I bought my cap and gown yesterday. It was cool, but now it's scary! I would like to add that I will be the mismatched queen at graduation. Black gown, powder blue tassel, and gold honors cords! Oh well. Anyways, back to my point. I am realizing the end is near and yet the beginning is near as well. I'm ending school, yet I'm beginning my life as an "adult." I have so much left to get done this semester that it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is disappearing. I have 2 papers to write, a book to read, two finals, a Praxis II, and a oral reading exam. Yikes. I wish I could pause life while I finished everything.

I got my Easter present yesterday. Ayron bought me a fishing pole and a kite. Our pond has been recently stocked and I have gotten into fishing. So I was all excited to get a pole (It's called a "Shakespeare" how appropriate) and luers only to go home to find out the 8 fish we added to the pond are now spawning and we can't scare them off by fishing so I can fish for 3 weeks. Bummer. So I put together my kite and flew it for awhile. It's very relaxing.

I'm excited about Monday. I have been asked to join Omicron-Psi and my induction ceremony is Monday. I'll get my honors cord and a certificate that verifies my "smartness." Kind of cool that someone thinks I'm smart. Most of the time I feel like I'm just BSing my way through life and sooner or later it will bite me in the butt.

The End Is Near

Well I looked up all of the commencement crap today and I am freaking out. The end is really here isnt it? Yikes!! I inquired some more about the job at the high school in the district I work. (what that doesn't make sense does it!Oh well). Its just a sit and wait game. Yuck. I am so freaking worked up about getting all of my shit in line before graduation...grrr

What The...

Heck! I thought that Will and Grace was supposed to be a funny show! Now I know that Karen and Jack are supposed to be the uber funny ones, but last night sucked funny wise. Yes, it was intersting, but come one, no where near funny!

A Fun Way To Kill Time...

I've discovered a fun way to pass the time, not like a have a lot of free time, but still. It's funny to use the Yahoo Personals to look up how many people you graduated with have posted a file. It's even funnier to look at what they wrote about themselves. Take J.S. I laughed my head off. I use to know this guy. His profile, is NOT him! I could go on for days, but lets just say that he has some issues that no female needs to waste her time helping him through! Then theres B I went to school with this guy. The only thing I remember is that he once dyed his hair the color of a tennis ball. S is a cool guy, but this picture makes him look like a bug or something!! NK's parents live down the road from me and I went to school with him. This guy is a tank! I say that as a good thing. On our 8th grade spring break trip he managed to grow a beard that most grown men would be envoius of!

I just wonder if some people look at the pictures they post of themselves. Come on! Everyone is going to see this so why don't they make it a good one??

Where I'm at...

in my life can be determined by the following song (yes, its another Rascal Flatt's cd....laugh if you want...ok, now stop...)

Stand

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright

Chorus: ‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strongWipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you’re given before it’s gone
And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on
Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah
Yeah then you stand – yeah


I don't know if I'm actually at the point of standing up yet. To some people, being down on their knees is a frustrating experience. I am that type of person, but I also learn and discover the most when I'm down and broken. I guess I'm just trying to figure out where my life is leading me. I know what I want to do with my life, but is that what God has in store for me? What about Ayron? I don't know...I should probably get my butt to class, afterall I wasted the gas to get down here.

Song Lyrics

Having indulged myself in the new Rascal Flatt's cd, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the following song:

He Ain't The Leavin' Kind

They tried their best to drag him out
Of a courthouse down in Montgomery
And now they wanna kick him out of school
And take him off our money
They can take those words off of paper and stone
But he aint gone, no

Chorus: He aint the leavin kind
Hed never walk away
Even from those who dont believe
And wanna leave him behind
He aint the leavin kind

She stayed mad at him for a lot of years
For takin her husband
Started losin her faith
And thinkin that her life meant nothin
But when she looks at those kids she raised all by herself
She knows she had some help, yeah she knows
No matter what you do
No matter where you go
Hes always right there with you

Even from those who dont believe
And wanna leave him behind
He aint the leavin kind
No, no
He aint the leavin, he aint the leavin kind
He aint the leavin kind
He aint the leavin kind

It's is always cool to me to hear a song with a christian theme on a secular cd. While some people would question the bands religious beliefs I just choose to say that it's a cool song! It seems that the lines of music are being blurred more and more these days. As I was driving to work this morning on WBCL (a local christian radio station) they were playing Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus Take The Wheel." I guess after the day I've had (lab, 8th graders, bunson burners, yikes) it was cool to hear that song.

Spring Break

Well spring break has come and gone and yet the nice weather has yet to appear. Lets see if I can correctly recap Spring Break '05

Friday-Sunday
Spent at the convent with the groovy sisters in Grand Rapids. Came out to the car on Sunday morning to discover a flat tire. Spent the afternoon putzing around the mall while Firestone repaired our tires, thanks to mom's "emergency" credit card.

Sunday-Tuesday
House sat for a fmaily friend in a nice house. Learned how to play 9 ball. Kicked Ayron's butt a couple of times (just because he scratched on the last shot). Took care of barfy and shitzy, the two dogs. Those are not their actual names, but somehow both of the wound up sick.

Wednesday THE BIG DAY
I had my surgery. I almost ran away till I realized they had stolen my underwear in a mean attempt to keep me there. After an hour of freaking out and crying and one "googoo" shot later, I was feeling good and willingly let them operate. Good thing too. Turns out I had a gallstone the size of a ping pong ball. Funny thing is, this stone never showed on either of the extensive and expensive tests. ANyways, went home and slept it off. Got a dozen red roses and lavander (both my favorite) from the hubbie, spring bouquet from dad and "dad", and the Simpson operation game from Nat.

Thursday
I managed to take a shower and had mom removed my bellybutton gauze. I sat on the back porch and watched as dump truck after dump truck dumped dirt into piles all over our back yard. My father in law came into some extra dirt from a basement the business is digging and he got in the landscapping mood. Only he forgot to tell my mother in law that he backyard would look like a mine field had exploded at the end of the day.

Friday
Not much, layed around, slept, recooped.

Saturday
I ventured to Wal-Mart. Yippeee!! Hey, I had been trapped in the house looking at dirt!

Sunday
Frantically reread a book I had read on pain killers to come to one conclusion: The book was as confusing as I thought it was and it was not just the pain killers messing with my mind.

That's about it. yeah, exciting I know. Don't you wish you were me?