I often wonder if I will ever learn my lesson. It seems like lately He is beating me over the head with the same lesson. So why am I being so stubborn and refusing to learn it. Well, I have partially learned the lesson, but why don't I change my life to reflect my new knowledge? Why am I so stubborn with it comes to this particular lesson? What in my past has caused me to think it is ok to struggle alone and not ask for help? Where did I learn to be so self-efficient to the point that I drowned in my own stress?
Why am I afraid to point blank admit what is going on? Why am I afraid of being judged because of my short comings? My friends are not the type to judge, they are the type to help. Knowing this, why don't I reach out for their guidance? What am I afraid of?
Why do I get mad at Him when I don't learn/practice my lesson? It is not His fault. Deep down I know, so why do I get mad at Him. He has tried to guide me in the right direction, yet I chose to go for a swim in the belly of a large fish (lets not start the fish vs. whale debate) instead of doing what He asked. Will I ever learn that being in the belly of a fish is not the place for me. He keeps spitting me out on dry land, yet I turn around and jump back in the water. What is my problem?
I did seek guidance for my inability to learn last night and I am hoping that is a step in the right direction for me. I just keep wondering why I get mad at Him for teaching me. After everything He has done for me, I have no right to get mad. When will I grow up?
No comments:
Post a Comment