Remembering Part II

This is a continuation of yesterday's blog. If you haven't read that, I'd read that first.

I talked to several friends about yesterdays blog and turns out, I'm not alone. Several people have felt the way I felt. While I was chatting with one friend in particular, I started to really think about why I felt the way I felt. It hit me, I never had the chance to voice my thoughts to "him." While I have no clue where he is at, and I don't ever care to see "him" again, I do have some things to say to "him." I was responded to a message that a friend sent me through VIRB (it's way better than myspace and a lot easier to use) and it hit me. I just need to write what I would say to "him" if I had the chance. So here goes nothing.

I don't know why you thought you could string me along for 4+ years and not hurt me. Do you not realize that your thoughtless actions effect others around you? You kept me hanging on to you for years, while in your mind I was merely a back up plan. You knew that I'd always be there for you when things fell through with who ever the heck you were chasing at the time. When you did give me the time of day and we "dated" I was ecstatic. I should have known better. I knew how you worked, yet I thought "this time will be different." I was wrong. I thought you realized who your true friends were when you left and I was the only one who wrote to you, and the only one who was still willing to hang out with you when you came back. I should have known better, I really should have, but I was caught up in the moment. That night you came over, I was in heaven, you were home and I thought you were mine. I thank God that K called that night. She didn't realize it till 5 years later, but she saved me from doing something I'd regret for the rest of my life. As much as I hated you, I realize now that I do need to thank you. I thank you for treating me like crap. May sound funny, but I thank you. You're crappy treatment made me appreciate Ayron all the more. I didn't know that guys could be nice without having a hidden agenda. You made me strong. When you left, I learned that I could stand on my own two feet. I learned how to have fun, and hang out with other friends. I learned how not to depend on a guy to make myself feel good. I learned to stand by my values and not let anyone compromise them. I also learned that Mrs. C's advice does work. "A nice knee jerk to the groin will help you get your point across." So thank you. You taught me a lot about myself. I will never let myself get into a situation like that again. I now know that I deserve to be appreciated and I have found someone who does that. So thank you. Without our crappy relationship behind me, I never would have accepted the date with Ayron and I wouldn't be where I am at right now. Just don't come crawling back to me when this relationship goes sour like your first marriage. I truly hope you are happy because I am.