Working for the Government...

...does have it's perks! Several of us in my department have been experiencing major problems with out work phones. We all had Razors. Yes, I carried two Razors. I had problems with my work phone since day one. I am just now starting to have problems with my person Razor. Anyway, back to my story. My boss calls me up and says, "I just talked to L (our account dude at Centennial) and we're gonna get new phones. " So I spent the afternoon in at Centennial (By the way, if you have to go to the Angola Centennial, ask for Candance!) having our phones changed out. We now have Motorola V361's. They are cool looking, and they came with some extra toys. It came with a memory card (a $75 value), headphones, and a USB cable. Now, will we ever use those toys, probably not. But it was fun sitting around the office like a bunch of kids at Christmas opening up our new phones.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me! Part II

Last week I blogged about the show "Primetime: Outsiders." They had a man claiming he was Jesus, and well, you can read the old blog. This week, the show was about stage parents. I have half way interested, half way asleep, so I decided to have in one while a friend of mine and I talked. Turns out, the whole "stage parents" thing was a crock! They were parents that were helping their daughter jump start her porn career. They approved of what she was doing, and even helped her sell herself. What kind of parenting is that? I was sickened. Then they introduced a lady who used to be in the porn industry, but she claims she is not a Christian. If she is what she claims, then good for her, but I question her claim. She was wearing a very low cut tank top that read "Holy Hottie." She goes to conventions and tries to minister to current porn stars. If she is genuine, fine, but I was a little confused by her clothing. Maybe that is me being old fashioned, but her top was way to tight and way to low cut.

Kung Fu Puppies!!

It looks like Ayron is making Peanut and Scooter Kung Fu Fight!!!

Lovely Day!!

It's a lovely day outside. The sun is out, the snow is melting, the birds are chirping. I had to drive back to Hamilton today to get more work for two of my students. I was lucky enough to take the Ford 500. I have fallen in love with that car I knew it had a high safety rating because Nikki was driving a 500 when her accident happened. But anyways, I had the windows down, the music up, and I was cruising. It was nice to enjoy the country side without all of the snow. Everyone's mood, at least here at work, has improved. The kids are actually awake and working. I have the windows open and I can't get enough fresh air into my lungs. It's amazing how God has designed this earth. Just when I can't stand another cold snap or snow storm, God grants us two days and beauty.

Has Spring Sprung??

The weather this past weekend has be gorgeous! It's raining now, but I'd rather have rain than snow! I'm feeling my yearly spring itch to start cleaning EVERYTHING! I've already started my list of things I want to do around the house, and I'm going to start a list for the house I work out of. Here are my lists, I'm hoping that if I "publish" them, it will hold me some what accountable for actually doing them.

Home:
1.) Put pictures in collage in living room
2.) Clean carpets
3.) Tear out front bushes
4.) Cut down raspberry bushes to proper height
5.) Paint garage door
6.) Organize guest bedroom closet
7.) Clean, organize, and "decorate" the 4-seasons room
8.) Organize the garage closet (yes, there's a closet in the garage)
9.) Trim trees

Work:
1.) Clean and organize office (done!)
2.) Clean and organize closet in the computer lab
3.) Clean the computer lab and bind lose cords together
4.) Scrub the bathroom
5.) Organize the kitchen cupboards
6.) Rearrange the "non-traditional" classroom
7.) Hang bulletin board in "non-traditional" classroom

Hopefully I'll have all of this stuff done before the kids come back from Spring Break!

Fuel to the Fire

We (by we I mean my family) is still dealing with the repercussions of the accident that seriously injured my sister-in-law. I'm sure we'll be dealing with it for some time. They have contacted an attorney and are taking all of the proper steps, but it seems like there is no end in sight. We spent Saturday evening with them and my oldest niece. Nikki showed me her file box of paperwork from the accident. She handed me a letter that the insurance agency of the trucking company sent her. Before I tell you what the letter said, here is a brief description of what happened the cause the accident. A woman disobeyed a stop sign and attempted to pull through an intersection. A semi tried to swerve to miss the woman. When he swerved, he crossed the center line he jack knifed the truck and hit my sister-in-law. She spent a total of a month in the hospital and is still battling physical problems. She was expected to die and the doctors can't explain why she survived or how she is doing so well. She took her drivers test last week and passed, but she still isn't driving. Anyway, now that you're up to speed here is what the letter said. I'm not quoting it, but it said something to the effect of : Our accident reconstruction team has reviewed the accident between your vehicle and our truck. They have concluded that the accident was SOLELY YOUR FAULT and you are now expected to pay $12,000 to repair the equipment YOU damaged. I laughed, and put the letter down, then I go mad. I didn't let it show because I didn't want to upset Nikki, but you've got to be kidding me right? You think she caused the accident? She was minding her own business on HER side of the road. She even tried to pull of the road into the ditch to avoid being hit and you claim it's her fault? Who do they have on their accident reconstruction team? 3 year olds playing with tonka trucks? They called the attorney and read him the letter, he laughed and said that he will use that against them when the time comes. They are not trying to get rich, just get back to the way things were before the accident. Sad thing is, none of us will be the same. Please pray for them, they are struggling emotionally and while they won't admit it, they are really hurting. They don't attend church, but I have a feeling they believe. Pray that their desire to know God will become so strong they will listen to our invitations to attend church with us.

Another Deadly Weekend

It seems like there has been an abundance of accidents lately, especially deadly ones. The recent bus crash which involved students from a local college, my sister-in-law's accident (that's another post), and now the crash of three former students. This weekend, in Garrett, three high school girls were involved in a single car crash. The passenger was killed, the driver has head trauma, and the back seat passenger has some leg injuries. While I didn't have these students in class, the names are really familiar to me. Ayron had a couple of them when he taught in the middle school. I knew every student's face at Garrett. I loved student teaching and getting to know the kids. While I didn't know any of the girls in the accident personally, the wreck still hit me, deep. It seems like the rate of accidents have increased while the age of the driver has decreased. I lost a classmate the summer before my senior year in a single car accident. When will law makers pass a bill that will raise the driving age? I know that kids would hate that, but wouldn't they hate losing their life, or their friends life more? Can't we make it mandatory to take some kind of actual driving course? I don't know if I can stand to hear another news report about a dead young driver.

You Couldn't Pay Me Enough!

I've decided that after all of the drama today at work, you couldn't pay me enough to go back to high school. I have several teenage girls in my program right now and all of the drama and "that's not what I said"s prove my point. It's ridiculous. I want to look at them and scream, "In the long run, IT DOESN'T MATTER SO DROP IT!" But I don't. I merely told them that what ever problems they are having need to be solved on their own time and not to get worked up over the "he said, she said" business of life. I didn't hate high school, but still, there is not enough money in the world.

Blast From The Past

It seems as though the last month has been a blast from the past for me. I've reconnected with many people. L and I started talking and hanging out again after a year of not speaking to one another. K came over last night with her puppy and we sat and talked for 2 1/2 hours without skipping a beat. K and I haven't really talked since the middle of our senior year. I managed to track down my cousin, M, and we've started emailing this week, and have even thrown around the idea of her coming up here this summer to visit. My drive to Hamilton this morning was the icing on the cake. My grandmother lived in Hamilton and I spent a lot of time up there with her, especially in the summer. Last week I drove past her old house, literally, I missed it. The owners have resided it and done some cosmetic changes and I didn't recognize it. I whimpered a little sigh, and drove back to work. Today I had to drive back to Hamilton and when I drove past Harger's Meat Market. The memories of going there with Grandma to pick out the perfect slices of ham, bone in of course, for dinner. Then going home and her frying the ham, and then using the drippings to make gravy. Then, finally, being able to sit down and eat her ham, rice, and gravy dinner. You always had to add a ton of salt, but that is what makes the memory so special to me. I can still hear grandma say, "Dang, this is really bland, I thought I added enough salt" as she reached for the remote to turn on "Rescue 911." I almost stopped and got a ham steak for dinner, but I didn't. I didn't want to ruin my memory with grandma, by trying to make her gravy. Mine never turns out the way she did. Maybe I'll make bologna and cheese roll ups and pretend I'm sitting on the pier with my Snoopy fishing pole.

Gonna Do Better

So I've made a New Year's Resolution. I know, I know, it's a little late in the year. I've decided to do better by myself. I mean, take better care of myself and take time for myself. I've recently gotten back into doing puzzles and scrap booking. My goal is to make time for myself at least 3 times a week to work on something I enjoy. I decided that when Ayron plays playstation, I'll work on my puzzles or scrapbook. I've also decided to start walking more. I walk all over up here at work since all of my offices are spread out, but at home, I have become vegetative. I've decided to get out and actually walk the dog. He needs to walk and so do I. I had been taking him on short walks because he was so little and his stubby legs wore out quickly. Last night he and I walked from out house down to McIntyre. Not a long way for a normal human. But in the frigid cold, with no hat, and asthmat was good for me. Once it begins to warm up more, I want to take walks in the morning as well. I've decided that I'll start out at our house, and walk down to McIntyre, then turn around and walk up to 7th street, then turn around and come home. That should make a nice walk, and if I do that twice a day, hopefully my energy level will go up. I'd love to join gym, but money is tight, and right now so is time. I figure that once it gets nice enough out, I'll even walk on my lunch breaks.

I'm also going to start eating healthier. If you see me out, and I'm not eating healthy, feel free to point it out to me. I'm also cutting back on portions. I've been doing that for some time now, and I'm finally to the point where I'm not hungry all the time. I've stopped drinking pop, and have taken up the fine art of water, lots and lots of water. Which means, I've also taken up the fine art of constantly walking to the bathroom.

Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon and I'll be able to lose the winter weight I've put on and then some.

Something Funny

Here's something funny for all of you pet owners out there.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Simpletons! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

So, I woke up early, took the dog for a walk, and settled on the couch to watch some "Good Morning America." Ayron was up with me and we were both appalled by what we saw. They did a short excerpt from something that is going to play on "Primetime: Outsiders." There is a guy in Texas claiming to be Jesus Christ. Sure, his names is Spanish for Jesus, but that doesn't make him THE Jesus. He is an ex con to add icing to the cupcake! He has a tattoo of the mark of the beast, and also wears it on his vest. He has convinced people he is Christ. How dumb is America that they believe him? Do they really think that Jesus would come back as an ex con wearing the mark of the beast, a Rolex, and driving around in a pathfinder? I am going to watch the episode of the show though. I'm curious as to what he is saying and how people are falling for it. I want to know what this guy is "feeding" his flock. Is anyone else bothered by this? I don't know what bugs me more, the fact that this guy tells people he is Jesus Christ, or the fact that ABC is going to devote a whole hour to his crap? I know that ABC would retort with some comment about, "Well, the show is called 'Outsiders' and we're merely trying to report on what is out there....blah blah blah." I'm just disguisded.

Totally Creeped Out!

As I was sleeping early Sunday morning, I had this feeling that something wasn't right and that I need to wake up. I opened my eyes to see Ayron leaning over me, about 4 inches from my face, eyes wide open, with a big grin on his face. I asked him if he as awake, to which he replied, "Yeah." I looked at the clock, it was 4:38. He just kept grinning at me, I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied, "Nothing." I told him, "It's 4:30, go back to sleep." When I asked him about our conversation the next morning, he couldn't remember a thing. I knew that he used to sleep walk, but that didn't occur to me until after we talked about it. Turns out he was asleep, but you could have fooled me. It was very creepy though! He was 4 inches from my face, just grinning! Can you imagine if I had found him walking around the house!

Feeling Broken

It's been one of those weeks, and as the clock slowly ticks closer and closer to 4, I'm feeling worse and worse. I feel very broken, very vulnerable, defeated, exhausted, and just plain grumpy. I just want to run. Not physically, cuz let's face it, I'm not physically fit. I want to run away for awhile. Let me clarify that, I want to temporarily leave, go some place far away and relaxing. It's not that I want to avoid the problems in my life, I just want some time away to gain clarity.

I was attempting to drive to a school to meet with the guidance counselor about a student. It had started to snow, and was calming. The calm turned to panic when I realized that outside of town the roads were a mess. I got about 1/4 of the way to my destination when I decided to turn around and admit defeat. I was tempted to take the left and head out of town, but I took the right turn and ended up back at work.

We were going to go bowling tonight with a group of friends from church, but Ayron is feeling ill so I think we're gonna stay at home. That won't do much for my "wanting to run" urge, but at least I won't be at work.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else experience these urges to leave adult life and all of it's responsibilities for a day or two? To be 5 again and not have a care in the world. To actually enjoy the snow instead of cursing at it while driving home. Maybe I'll go tanning and get some fake sun in my life.

Bypassing Crazy Going Straight To

INSANITY!! I think I've lost it. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, I appear calm, but if people could hear what I was thinking today.

I lost it on my "aide" who hasn't been an aide, just a bump by the laptop. I asked him to work on a grant. He flat out told me, "Well, with all of the students......." I tuned him out. I looked at him, stuck my hand out and said, "Fine, give me the grant to do and you start actually working with the kids." I think he got the point. When I had calmed down and ventured out of my office. He was glancing through the grant AND helping two students. Maybe he finally understood!

I still feel very frazzled and while I'm excited the weekend is here, it will not be long enough.

Something that has been cool lately is reconnecting with old friends. I had an old friend over for dinner last night, and we are getting back to normal. We sat on our new furniture (yeah me!) and talked for close to 3 hours while our dogs sniffed each others hind ends.

To top it off, I got an email from an old friend of mine (we haven't talked for about 5 years). She was surfing the web and googled my name. She read my blog, and emailed. It's cool to discover what's going on with her.

Well, the kids break time is almost up and I still need to finish planning next weeks work for 3 of the students.

1st Thunderstorm

The first thunderstorm of the year is happening outside my office windows right now. What is odd, is that out one of my windows, I can hear the chirping of birds. It's an odd, yet cool thing. I was amazed on my drive to work. I watched the storm roll in from the West on my drive, and while storms scare the crap out of me, I was eerily calm. I'll admit that I am now not as calm. There is lightening and thunder and rain, OH MY! Well, I should get some work done before my meeting.

I Did

Well, I finally did it. I told my boss how I felt. Here's what I wrote him, and what he wrote back.


"I am beginning to wonder if I took on too much when I agreed to do a combined job. I feel like there is not enough time in the day to give each program the focus and attention it needs along with still having family time for my husband and mother. I find myself becoming extremely stressed, and I take it out on the kids for minor things. I don't like that side of me. The stress has even taken its toll on my health, and I spend many late afternoons fighting stomach problems and migraines.

I am waiting for the stress level to rise because I now have 7 kids in the day program, two of which are middle school, and one of the middle schoolers is special ed. It is difficult to do everything with little help from T. He is not knowledgeable in Math, nor is has he expressed any interest in trying to figure it out so he could help the kid. He has no clue how things are organized, how to enter anything into the computer, etc. It is really beginning to make leaving for meetings and conferences difficult. I've idiot proofed it and the kids have become very self-sufficient, so that helps. They know where everything is at, and what needs to be done, but he can't even figure out how to attach an email.

I find myself focusing more time for the day program because that is a majority of my time and where my expertise is at. Right now I could easily put in 40 hours a week with the day kids, between planning, pacing, grading, meeting with the contact person at school, going through the work before I assign it so I understand it, etc. That is not fair to the after school program. They need just as much focus as the day program. Being gone for meetings and conferences (don't get me wrong, I like to learn and be apart of the meetings) really puts me behind. I have reports for probation, case management stuff, now the assessing thing, and gavel something or other, and it seems like every week there is something new.

I am in the middle of reformatting the after school program. The kids are now having homework time from 4-4:30 and I check in with AMS and FMS once a week to see how the kids and their grades are going. If the kids do not have homework, they need to show me their assignment book/planner, and then read for that time. They can choose to read a book of their own, a book from the closet, or the newspaper. I have broken down the time for the program.

3:30-4 - The kids and I sit and talk, get to know each other, see what's going on, what happened that day, snack, etc.
4-4:30 - Homework/reading time
4:30-5:30/5:45ish - Activity
5:30/5:45ish-6:00- Dinner prep
6-6:30- Eating and clean up

It's hard to stick to such a schedule because the numbers change from day to day, and by spring break in March we'll be down to two kids in the after school program (one should be in phase II and one in phase III).

I guess I'm just really struggling and am stressed out and starting to regret combining the jobs. I feel like I can't do one program justice without the other suffering. I'll admit right now that I love the day program, but do not really like the after school program. I like the kids, but I'm finding it difficult to create any activities that will both be liked (so the students participate) and teach them something beneficial. Maybe its the fact that the kids lie more in the after school program that gets me.

I know that you created this position for me, but I'm really starting to wonder if I, and the programs, would be better off if I want back to just teaching during the day program?

Any thoughts?

Carma"

To which he responded:

"Carma,

Please find some time so we can talk about this. I do not believe that combining the jobs was a mistake. I think you are doing an excellent job and I know that I don’t have to worry about things over at Yip because you are there taking care of things. If Tom isn’t helping you then we need to address that. You should not be the only one over there working with the kids. I understand what you are saying about the after school program, and I can relate with you about not liking it. I hated the freaking thing in October. Shoot me some times that you can meet with me this week and we can talk about it."

Its cool that I'm apparently doing the right things, but did he not realize that I don't have any extra time! Geesh.

I don't know how...

to take time for myself. I often find myself working through my lunch break, and not on projects for myself. Why do I have this feeling to constantly please others? Does it come from my mother? Heck, even she takes time out for herself to knit. When I think I am taking time for myself by doing scrapbooking or whatever, I usually end up working on something for someone else. Is it that I don't know how to take time for myself or that I'm unwilling? What do you do to take time for yourself?

Whats with the "F" bomb?

I have discovered something over the past week, people are not afraid to drop the "f" bomb. Why is that? I grew up in an environment where cussing was not allowed. I'll admit that I do cuss, but not nearly as much as I used to, and I really despise the "f" word. Why do people feel so comfortable with it? Why do they feel so comfortable with any cuss word? I went to a professional conference Friday and every other word out of the speakers mouth was a cuss word. This was a professional conference, I was shocked! Has cussing become more common, or am I just now noticing how prevalent it is?

Not Again

So I woke up early Saturday morning and decided to be productive with my day. After Ayron got a shower and left for work, I made a short grocery list, started the washer, and left to go Krogering. I came home from my Krogering trip to find a flooded bathroom. I called Ayron, he came home from work with the drain snake. We decided that the line is clogged again, and when the washer tried to spin out, the water came up into the shower and then out onto the floor. We snaked the drain outside. When we had the snake all the way out we thought we hit the clog, but had no more snake to break through. Ayron went to the Auburn Taylor Rental and picked up a snake that you can customize. I helped him attach each 8 foot section until we had built an 88 foot snake. We snaked the hole again, and thought we cleared the plug. We were happy, but then realized that it was 6:30 and we had missed church, and smelled like poo. We got showers and decided to relax at home. This morning, I was getting my shower, right after Ayron got his, and the shower started to fill up on me. I yelled for Ayron and thus our troubles are not over. He called the city this morning and they are going to come out and inspect the lines. When this happened the first time, Ayron and I started looking in the street (our snake was long enough that we had reached the middle of the street underground (thus making it city problems, not ours). There is a patch in the road which makes us think they have already tried to fix the problem once. Please pray for our sanity in this situation.

Oh, we did have a bright spot to our weekend. We went furniture shopping yesterday. I didn't plan on buying anything so I hadn't transferred the money we had been saving into checking. We found a great sale on a love seat and oversized chair at Value City Furniture. We called mom and go the ok to put it on her card (we all have a card under her one account). We will pay the bill when it comes. But yeah, furniture. Ayron and Michael (my ears still hurt after hearing about you this weekend. Hearing...hahaha) are going to pick it up on Thursday and bring it home. We payed a little extra for the protective coating, but that gives us a 7 year warranty on stains of any kind, snags, cuts, burn marks, etc. I'm so excited. People will have a place to sit now!!