Lately

Let me start this blog by clearly stating: THIS BLOG DOES NOT PERTAIN TO ONE CERTAIN CHURCH OR SPECIFIC RELIGIOUS PEOPLE. I am not trying to attack anyone or anything. I am merely hoping to gain clarity by writing. This post may be a little disjointed because I can't even completely wrap my mind around the issue, let alone figure out how to express myself with words.

Ever since I moved back from Purdue, church hasn't been the same for me. While I was at Purdue, I'll admit, I didn't attend a church. I did attend bi-weekly Bible studies that were organized by a local church. I got more out of those meetings and gatherings than I had ever gotten out of church. Maybe it was the people, the topics, or just where I was at in my life, but it worked for me.

When I moved home, I didn't feel the same way while I was in church. It became something I had to do because of my family upbringing and the fact that at the time, Ayron was a youth pastor. I wasn't being fed. It's not that the pastors at the churches I attended weren't trying, it just wasn't what my body needed at the moment.

I've come to realize that I haven't been fed by a church in a long time. I changed churches in an attempt to be fed, and while that worked temporarily, lately, it hasn't. I'll admit, I haven't been to a church service in several weeks for several reasons. I love the church we currently attend. I love the people. But I think that what really motivates me to go is the socialization and that should not be my primary reason. I haven't been getting anything out of church for a long time. I get fed more in my daily moments and talks with God than I do in weekly services.

I think the fact that church (I mean to use it as a group) has become to secular gets to me. Churches base sermons off of popular themes in the world. That is great for connecting with the secular world, but I think that some churches take it too far. They spoon feed their attenders already created messages. What may work for one church will not help another. Have people become too lazy to create their own stuff from scratch. I know that seems harsh. I know that pastors/preachers/clergy/etc. lead busy lives. I know all that they do, and I appreciate it. To me using a mass marketed sermon series is like plagiarism. Maybe that is the English teacher in me. Take their ideas, add your own, reorganize, build on the ideas, etc. and site it. Don't just rip the whole thing off. I think in order for me to really get fed, it needs to be something that the pastor has really worked on to create. Not just decided to follow the trend in hopes of bringing in the outside world to increase numbers.

I am going to spend some time wrestling with God this weekend. I spent the entire second semester at Purdue wrestling with my faith and making it my own. Now I need to fight to get it back. I have faith, I believe. I just haven't been fed lately. I will admit that I haven't put for the the effort to get fed in the traditional sense. I take time every afternoon to just quietly close the door and connect with God. I tend to connect by talking and with music. I tend to hear Him better if I am laying on the floor starring at the ceiling and really listening to music.

I haven't given up on being fed at church. I want to be fed at church. I like the socialization that church can bring into a persons life. I don't know if what I am feeling was even expressed well here, but I tend to use writing to sort things out in my mind. Hopefully, this will help me in the long run.

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I came in today to find an email from one of the pastor's at my church. I appreciate the way he approached the issue with me. I realize, through his assumptions, that I need to clarify something.

When I mentioned the prepackaged sermons, I was hinting at the recently done MythBuster's series my church did. They created that on their own and loosely based it on the concepts of the television show (which I love!).