I don't believe it.

This week has been a difficult one for several reasons. Ayron and I are both having a tough time. I was gone all week for training and he was busting his butt at work. To sum it up it has been a week where everything has gone wrong. It's been trying physically and emotionally. I had a huge melt down Wednesday night. It was scary. I've never been like that. I am grateful that I recognized it in myself and called a friend. Mom stopped by and that was nice too. Anyways, I'm getting off track. I've talked to so many people this week about a ton of stuff so I'm not sure who said this to me, but someone said, "Remember, God never gives you more than you can handle."

I think this statement is misleading. Here is why. I feel he does. He gives us more than we can handle ON OUR OWN. That is the kicker. I believe that when we lose our focus on Him and try to do everything ourself He steps in and reminds us that He is still there and we can call on Him. I am stubborn, so it often takes a huge messy week like this week to remind me that I am not in this alone and that I need to ask Him for help, for my own sanity as well as those around me.

Today is also the funeral for my student. For those of you that don't know, last Monday (10/15) I had a student (who was also on home detention) commit suicide. All of us at the office have spent this past two weeks in a daze. We all felt like we worked through it and then we realized that we have the funeral today. All of those emotions are going to come back. All of us carry feelings of guilt. We all feel like if we looked harder we would have seen some warning signs. I keep reminding myself that she had talked with her family about death several times. She had cried wolf so many times to them that they "ignored" it. She never mentioned anything to me or while in my program about it. I do wish I would have recognized something in her. She was good at compartmentalizing her life. We only saw the happy goth chick who was more than willing to help. Today will be tough.

"Dear God, help me to realize that I can't do this on my own. I need Your help to get me back on track. Help me to realize when I am in over my head. Humble me. Allow me to allow You to work in my life. Give me the strength to get through today. "