At 3am this morning, one of my after school students who was also on home detention committed suicide. No one saw any signs. This person meets with several counselors, therapists, and professionals a day, and no one saw it. My secretary is beside herself because her house backs up against the students and she didn't hear a thing last night. No lights, no sirens, nothing. What we are trying to figure out now is why and how did the student get a gun. When someone is put on home detention the house is checked and any type of "weapon" is removed. So now the questions remain and answers seem far away.
Pray for this family. They already had a ton of problems and now this. Apparently it is already in the paper. One of my staff just called me and she is a wreck. I don't know how to face the kids tonight. I have already put a call into the Counseling Center that we use for drug counseling and I know probation did the same. It's going to be a long rough day. Pray, that's all any of us can do.
************************************************************
"The Last Night"
You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry,
I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus:]This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus]
The last night away from me
[Bridge:]The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,Tonight.
[Chorus]
I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.
The last night away from me,
Away from me.
5 comments:
I find myself wondering if the student was on antidepressants? There's a growing awareness that in kids and adolescents these meds carry an alarming increased rate of suicidal ideation and attempts, even where there had not been that tendency in the person prior to medication, and without much warning.
At the same time, I can imagine how isolated the kid might have felt. Sure, he (I'm going to assume it's a he because of the typical makeup of the students there and because the method, gunshot, is a method preferred by guys. Women take pills. Sorry--guess I know a little too much about this stuff..)... anyway, sure, he had counselors up the wazoo, but being in the alternative alternative school, being on home detention, and having all the other factors stacked against him (home life, etc.) like so many of your students do, I'm betting he felt like if he did go to anyone he probably wouldn't be heard. He's used to being "in trouble." Probably already saw himself as a bad kid, perhaps even grew to embrace that role, putting on the "tough kid" exterior. That's not to say that anyone could have seen this coming. I'm just saying, I know what that isolation and despair feels like, even as I have a sympathetic support system. He may not have felt he had the latter. Indeed, this disease (depression) can really be a b*tch.
SHE was in my after school program, not my "day school" program. She attended the local high school. She wasn't on any meds. Illegal or legal. She just had a drug screen and was clean for everything. I know more now, but nothing I can disclose due to the nature of my job. It's been a crazy crazy day.
Wow.
P.S. I got back on here to say what I didn't in the first comment:
I'm sorry to hear this, and I hope you find the support YOU will need to deal with and process all this.
This is so sad. Our Catholic women's group was discussing Judas and then despair and then suicide this past Friday. Many of the women had experienced depression and despair and had some had tried suicide, but fortunately non present had succeeded. In a person so young, to kill oneself you don't even know who you are killing?
I used to work down the hall from a traumatic brain unit, and many of the young men there were failed suicides.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this.
Just catching up myself, Carma. Man, -- may all you in the program, and her family be able to process this and one day gain a perspective that brings peace...
Post a Comment