I have discovered that I have gotten extremely well at hiding emotions from people, even my husband. I know this is not good. It seems that I can't have a normal calm life for more than a week at a time. While it does keep me on my toes, it also can wear me down. I don't know why, but all of these emotions came to a head this morning while I was checking my email and I'm sure I look like a mess right now, so I am grateful to be at work alone.
About a month ago, I found out that someone I thought I was close to, was keeping a very large secret from me. Someone else let it slip. When they let it slip, they blew it off like it was no big deal. The secret is life changing for not only the person that was keeping it from me, but for me as well as others in my life. Here is the part that got me. When the person found out that I knew, they asked me to keep it a secret from someone. How can they do that? Don't they understand how it affected me? That person doesn't deserve to be blindsided with such a change like I was. If I tell you the life changing "secret" it will be very easy for the person who isn't suppose to know to figure it out. It's great that these people trust me so well, but don't they see the situation that put me in? I just want to call this person and scream "TELL THEM! OR I WILL!" I know that isn't appropriate, but at least I wouldn't be the only one who knew.
Ayron keeps asking me how I feel about the whole thing and I keep saying, "Fine. It's that persons decision, not mine, so I'm going to have to live with it." I try to brush it off like it's no big deal, but on the inside I'm screaming "It's not fair!" I'm half tempted to tell the person out of spite, but I know that isn't right. If people keep choosing me to tell their secrets too, why can't they at least be happy secrets?
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