He's 2!

2 years ago today I was sitting in Auburn OBGYN with a heart rate monitor strapped to my large stomach. I was 2 weeks overdue and miserable!!

I can't believe that 2 years has passed since then. You'd never know that TJ took his dear ole sweet time coming into this world! For those of you who don't know, his delivery was horrible.

I went in on a Tuesday night to spend the night and be induced. Well, when they came in to check me in the morning I had went into labor on my own. Keep in mind that I did this without any pain meds. I like the idea of a baby being born without the chance of any unnecessary drugs in their system. I labored from 6am till 9:30pm when TJ finally decided to come out (thanks to the help of Dr. C.) About 9pm my nurse mid-wife (who I LOVE) tried to do a vacuum extraction (her very first one in like 565 births). It failed. TJ was stuck! His heart rate was dropping and I kept forgetting to breath (it's easier to do than you think!) Turns out TJ had his umbilical cord in his hand and that same hand up by his eye. His elbow was above his head, so when he actually came out, he came out elbow first. My nurse mid-wife was afraid they would have to do a C-section to get him out, so she called in Dr. C. I remember Dr. C looking at the heart rate monitor and examining me and saying, "We have no time." The OR staff was actually in the hallway ready to jump in and just cut me open in the delivery room if needed. He did a kind of reverse Heimlich move on me and out popped (seriously, I heard a pop) TJ. He had a gnarly black eye he gave himself, but other than that he was fine. I didn't realize how stressful the situation was for my nurse mid-wife till the next day. She blames her first grey hair on TJ. She also told me that TJ was her first vacuum extraction and the fact that it didn't work really scared her. I truly believe that TJ is here today because of her and her awesome mid-wifery abilities.

It amazes me to look at my 2 year old and remember how tiny he was when he was born. I was thinking on my way to work and I thought, "Oh my goodness. He made it to two. We really had no clue what we were doing when we brought him home, but he has survived till 2!" I can't believe that the booger who runs around the house terrorizing the dog actually came out of me. I am amazed at how God chose to create childbirth and pregnancy. It just amazes me! What really makes me giggle is imagining that at one point, Ayron fit inside his mother!

101 Small Pleasures

I was reading through the recommended articles (thank you yahoo) and came across this one from Shine.com.

"Earlier in the week when we talked about the habits of happy people, many of you mentioned the small pleasures you enjoy that are worth more than anything money can buy, like walking on the beach and flying paper airplanes with your children. Since one of the key tenets of happiness is being able to savor small pleasures, here's a list of 101 delights that are worth enjoying today (not all in one day, though!)."

The list is as follows:

coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)

crisp cotton sheets

soft skin

old family recipes

the first daffodils of spring

sleeping in

an exercise endorphin high

window boxes

a perfect cup of coffee

a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)

the way babies smell

a handwritten letter

waking up in a good mood...for no real reason

singing in the shower

finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket

doing something nice for your neighbor

a home cooked meal

laughing

movie theater popcorn

playing hookey

a bubble bath

swimming

an afternoon nap

street musicians

your favorite song

saying thank you

helping someone in need

old fashioned photo booths

fresh whipped cream

inspiring blogs

a glass of wine

rainy afternoons

the funny things kids say

a novel you can get lost in

finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale

clean laundry

the wind in your hair

treating the person behind you at the drive-thru

sharing an umbrella

the smell of lavender

a long walk that clears your head

a bear hug

The Beatles

smiling at a stranger

eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)

butterflies

staying in your pj's all day

singing along to the radio and knowing all the words

fresh herbs

ordering in pizza

happy endings...even if they're fictional

flying a kite

puppies

root beer floats

holding open the door...

...or having someone hold the door for you

fountain soda

white, fluffy towels

sunshine

spending an afternoon at a museum

really great advice

green lights all the way home

the sound of rain hitting the windows

sitting in a booth

holding hands

a great hair day with no effort

building a fort with your kids

when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder

fireflies

the perfect taco

geraniums on a windowsill

slow dancing

the smell of fresh-baked bread

cheesy, uplifting musicals

great stories

the smell of gasoline

the cold side of the pillow

love letters

old friends...

...new friends

a pull-through parking space

a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside

when a dog licks your hand

sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner

using your favorite dishes

reading your child a bedtime story

Girl Scout Cookies

flossing

kissing someone you love

the smell of onions and garlic cooking

hot chocolate

jumping in puddles

old photographs

birds hopping on the sidewalk

Ella Fitzgerald

a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar

your softest t-shirt

a new magazine in the mail

fireplaces

having exact change

bacon and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning

I would have to add the smell of freshly cut grass, hearing the birds chirp for the first time in Spring, hearing your child say "I love you," an unexpected phone call or text, a good belly laugh, I could go on and on.

What would YOU add to the list?

Interesting Concept

As an educator I am not sure what I think about this, but am curious what other people think. If this had been offered to you, would you have taken the chance?

Too Connected

Do you ever wonder if there is such a thing as being “over connected?” Between Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, Email, it seems that we know exactly what everyone is doing, the moment they do it. We can use our cell phones to text, email, update status, locate places, and make calls! I can even blog from my phone. We are all interconnected thanks to technology.

Sure, used in moderation each of those afore mentioned sites are great, but they can take over your life. Like I said, I admit to being a Facebookaholic. It is a great tool to connect with family that lives in OK, MI, SC, WA, TX, etc. We can share pictures and just know how life is going with everyone. It’s kind of like a mini family reunion without the torturous picture taking session at the end (Come on all you Eaton’s you know what I am talking about. I think Jacque even made a whole FB photo album of the pictures!). But it can take over aspects of your life.

Seriously take a look at how many “friends” or “followers” you have. How many of those people do you actually call up or talk to (face to face) on a weekly basis? Do you really care what the “popular” people from high school are up to now? Will it make your life any better to know what they are doing this very instant? I’m not saying it can’t be a good tool to reconnect with old friends, but just take a genuine look at your “friend” list and discover who really matters. Who are the people you interact with face to face on a weekly basis? Which one of your friends really cares about you? Once you know that, work on developing and nurturing your friendship, because if Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/YouTube were to “die” they would still be your friend.

I used to rush home from work and check Facebook to see if anyone had beaten my Farkle score. In the grand scheme of life, does it really matter? I realized that I was choosing to spend time on the computer instead of time watching my child grow. I felt guilty, but have made changes. I check my email once when I am at home and play one game of Super Farkle. I actually play the game with TJ. He sits on my lap and will scream, “BLOCKS” (he calls the dice blocks) until the game loads. We turn it into a learning time. He loves numbers and will point to a “block” and tell me how many dots are on the dice. I am not trying to brag, but every night he astounds me with his increasing knowledge. He will count each dot. Cracks me up and also scares me. What if he is smarter that I am by the time he is 4?

So I’m still connected, but not obsessed. The fact that I am blogging my thoughts through Blogger which will automatically upload this to a “Note” in Facebook shows that I am connected. But I will admit that it is nice to spend the occasional weekend with the cell phone shut off, the laptop stowed away, the television off and the Ipod uncharged.

Self Reflection

Tis a season of change for me. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. The physical part is easy. Mentally and emotionally, those are the hard parts!

Physically, I chopped off my hair. It hasn't been this short in a while and I love it. It was so much easier to do this morning! I also agreed to start the mailbox run with Ayron. It is a practice that helps non runners (like myself) get into running. It doesn't sound like much to those of you who are physically active, but to me, it is a start! On day one you run to your neighbors mailbox and back. Day two you run to the house just past your neighbors and back. Day three you run three houses down and back, etc. I am sure I'll feel silly just running next door and back, but it is a start! I have also started parking in the back of the parking lot and walking. Once again, doesn't seem like much, but it is something. I have also started to really watch what I eat and do portion control. I also have cut out pop and this time, I have been doing well with it. I still have the occasional head ache and urge to reach for a pop, but so far I haven't caved. I drink about 4 liters of water a day. Keeps me running to the restroom every hour, on the hour, but I know my kidney's are working! I also walk most of my "office mail." My "office" (it's really and old style ranch house that is close to downtown Angola) isn't far from anyplace I need to send "inter-office" mail. I used to just put it in the mail bin and let someone else walk it where it needed to go, but now I just do it myself. It's faster, I get some fresh air, some sunshine (when it is available) and it's another way to keep me moving.


Self reflection is hard and painful. I am examining the way I conduct myself and how I view things and attempting to change them. I realize that I have slacked off in certain aspects of my life and that is not what I want to do. I know that the process of reflection can be hard and painful, but I also know that it brings about growth. I also know that I tend to bottle up emotions and then let them explode at the worst time and it gets directed at the wrong people. I thank God everyday for Ayron and his ability to put up with my flakiness. While I love my job, it also comes with enormous stress. If I could, I would take home all of these kids and raise them the way I think they should be raised. I can't and so I take home their emotional baggage. I shouldn't, but I do. I spend some nights just worrying for them. Do they have heat at home? Does she have enough money to feed and diaper her baby? Are they going to try to run away? My heart breaks for these kids and yet I know that their actions are what brought them to me. That realization can turn into anger and that is not what my kids (that is what I call them) need. They need someone to just listen to them. I had three students in court this week and I know that two of them are not happy. I only hope that 5 years down the line, they realize why I did what I did. I know they think that I was after them but they needed help that I cannot provide. It was nice to hear about the success of my other student who was in court and that thankful look given to me by him and his family made it all worth it. I have to keep looking at the positive. So far this school year we have worked with 28 students. 5 are still active (and doing great), 20 were successful, and 3 were not. That is an 89% success rate. I would like to have my rate up to 90% by the end of the school year. We have yet to hit our busy season (the weather gets nice, the kids get antsy, they break they law in the process) so it may be possible. This is by far our biggest (numbers wise) year yet. I am not trying to brag, but these stats are what make me realize why I do what I do and why I care so much.

I recently had a day where I just felt like I had the opposite of the King Midas touch. Everything I tried to do, I tried with the best intentions, but it only managed to explode in my face. I was having a rough day and a relative told me, " What helps me when I feel that way is to focus on things that cannot change. I am a Mother, I am a Daughter, and I know that I am a good Mom and good Daughter. I start seeing myself as my mom does, or as my children do, and I begin the small steps to dig out of that feeling."

(Raises an imaginary glass) So here is to making the changes we can and praying for guidance with the things we can't.

Awesome Pie Recipe

Lately I have been trying a lot of new recipes. I don't want my family to get into a rut and I don't want my child to be a picky eater (his new favorite food is greek chicken with artichokes and feta cheese!).

This afternoon I made a very tasty pie! While I haven't eaten it yet (it has to chill for 3 hours), I did lick the beaters and I was in heaven!!!

Crust
1 package of Marta White Chocolate Chip Muffin Mix
1/3 C. of salted peanuts (chopped)
4 T. of melted (or just softened) butter

Filling
1/2 C. Peanut Butter
3 oz. Cream Cheese (softened)
1/3 C. Sugar
3 T. Milk
2 C. Whipped Topping (thawed)
Chocolate Fudge Topping

To Make the Crust: Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Thoroughly spray a 9 inch pie plate with non stick cooking spray. Combine all the "Crust" ingredients. Press into the pie plate (bottom and sides) and bake for 13 to 16 minutes. Bake until golden brown. Remove the crust from the oven. If the crust is puffy, use the back of wooden spoon to flatten it out. Let the crust cool completely.

To Make Filling: Combine the peanut butter, cream cheese and sugar. Beat until smooth. Add the milk and beat till combined. Fold in the whipped topping. Once thoroughly combined, pour into cooled crust. Drizzle with chocolate fudge topping. Cover and refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

I did it for me, spare me any lectures!

Dear Readers, Family, Friends, and Facebook Peps,

Please spare me any negative complaints or suggestions. Spare me any lectures about what I chose to do. I am 26 years old and I did my research. This was not a spur of the moment decision. This was a five year process that finally came true. I have my personal reasons for what I did and I am happy with my results. I was able to involve a couple of friends in the process and I am very thankful to them for helping me. Once again, spare me any lectures.

I FINALLY GOT MY TATTOO!!!!! Like I said in my "disclaimer" this has been an event 5 years in the making! I have done my research and talked to several people over the years. I knew what to look for when choosing a parlor and was not pressured to do anything I didn't want to do. I chose a design from a website, but had a friend (and fellow inked friend) change it and make it mine.

I choose a place where it won't be seen on a daily basis. So why get it then you ask? I got it for me. Like I said, I have my reasons for why I did what I did and I am fully aware it will be with me for the rest of my life and I am happy with that. It will serve as a constant reminder of what I believe and how His love has carried me through some hard times and just like my tat will never leave me, neither will He. It is located in the upper middle of my back. It will only really be seen by "the public" if I am wearing a bathing suit. It won't stick out the top of my shirt, and I don't wear shirts that expose my back, so it will be tucked away.

I chose my design and gave it to J-rod to alter and he did a great job (LOVE IT). Leah W. went with us to Ft. Wayne and it was great to have her there. It was great to hang out as friends and not as parents! It was like the old days, before marriage and kids. I will admit that I almost chickened out, but I am glad I didn't.

It wasn't that bad, pain wise. There were a couple of spots where it actually tickled. I was lucky to get an artist that has been doing tats for 9 years and he was very patient and walked me through everything step by step. He was willing to give me lots of breaks for water and to stand up. The whole tat from start to finish only took 20 minutes, but it is on my spine which can be a painful place. There were only about 3 times where it really hurt. I can't describe the feeling (I wouldn't call it pain), it was like something I had never experienced before. Keep in mind I gave birth without any drugs and TJ came out all goofy so I knew I could stand the tattoo "pain" after 16 hours of labor.

My tat experience was topped with a sold out bout (we got the last tickets!) with the Ft. Wayne Derby Girls. Both SWAT and Bomb Squad won and Dodger L. Bow had at least 2 grand slams. It was a great day!

Without further ado, here is my tattoo.

Who Needs Hot Water Anyways?

Yesterday Ayron and I discovered we didn't have any hot water. He checked the pilot light on the water heater and it had gone out. We re-lite it only to have it go out again. After checking with my favorite "Rent A Hubby" (Josh O.) we decided to change out a part (I'm a girl and can't think of the actual name of the part...it's kind of like the hot surface igniter on a furnace).

Long story short, I woke up this morning with a NyQuil hangover only to discover the pilot light had gone out again and I had the privilege of taking a nice cold shower on a miserable Monday morning. GRRRR.

Ayron stayed home today to see if he could fix it. We have the money to get a new water heater, but if we can just change out one part, I'd rather do that. It seems like every time we get some step closer to getting the house "remodeled" the way we want it, something happens. First the stupid cleanout pipe to the street (what I like to call "Mud Bowl '07 because Ayron managed to flood the front yard), then the dumb furnace, then our flooded bathroom, and now this. I am beginning to think that the former owner of the house is angry with me for cutting down the rose bush (it had never bloomed for me) and the lilac bush (it had been hit by lightening and was half dead).

Good "Old Fashioned" Music

I put old fashioned in quotes because I know that cd's aren't old fashioned, but to those of us who grew up during the 90's and experienced the thrill of buying your first cd and are now familiar with iTunes, cd's seem like a thing of the past.

I knew that I wanted to purchase some music today. I enjoy music by a certain band (no need to name the band for the purpose of the blog) and they had a new cd released today. I debated between iTunes and just going to Wal-Mart and purchasing an actual cd. Something tangible I could hold as opposed to some files on my computer. I decided on buying the actual disk.

I like having something to hold, after all I spent my hard earned money, I should be able to actually hold whatever it is that I purchase. I like to look at the cd insert, read the lyrics, the "thank you's" written by the band, etc. I like to have the cd in my car and the songs on my ipod (which lives on the iHome in my living room).

I eagerly got back to my office and opened the cd (I am finishing a grant today and music is essential to my grant writing success) and was instantly disappointed. The cd insert didn't have the lyrics. I like the lyrics. I like to read through them and try to figure out what inspired the songs. So with no lyrics in the cd insert, I have to wonder if I would have been better off just buying the cd in iTunes. I would have saved 1 cent by buying it through iTunes. Oh well....so what do you think? Do you use iTunes or do you buy actual cd's?

New Favorite

I love music, that isn't a shocker. I have Incorporated it into my classroom as a study tool as well as a therapeutic tool. It can be used as a worship tool and used to cross cultural divides. I just love music! I have recently discovered the band Need to Breathe and I have fallen in love with their song "Lay 'em Down."

With so much happening in my life right now, the song serves as a reminder to just hand everything over to Him.

Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again

If you're lost and lonely
You're Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

All you sinners
And the weak at heart
All you helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

We're all tied to the same old failing
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns
We'll bring our troubles
We'll bring our troubles
Lay 'em down

All you rich men
And the high above
All of those with and without love
All you burdened broken down
Bring all of your troubles

Come lay 'em down
Come lay 'em down [x4]

Come all you broken [Come lay 'em down]
Come all you helpless [Come lay 'em down]
Bring all your burden [Come lay 'em down]
And just lay 'em down [Come lay 'em down]
Come all you broken [Come lay 'em down]
Come all you helpless [Come lay 'em down]
Bring all your troubles [Come lay 'em down]
Just lay 'em down
Come lay 'em down [x3]

Really? Seriously? Come on now, really?

So I decided to have a drug screen day today at work. Since I have two males students, I called a male officer from my other office to come over and do the screen.

I have one student who was "dirty" for his last screen and before being taken into the bathroom he was asked, "What are you going to test positive for this time?" The student admitted to smoking marijuana three days ago. I immediately got mad and went off. I usually don't "go off" on my students, but this kid has bugged me from day one. After a lecture from myself, the other teacher and the officer the kid looked at me and in all sincerity and said, "So I should quit smoking weed?"

I laughed. I didn't mean to laugh, but I did. It was the most absurd thing to have been said at my "school" in awhile and it caught me off guard. How am I supposed to react to that? I am still sitting at my desk shaking my head, trying to figure out this kids thought process.

I told him, "Look, not only is it illegal, but you are already in trouble with the law, why do you want to see how far you can push it? The judge gets to decide your fate and you already have one dirty screen on your file, soon to be two. You can try adding a third if you want, but I promise you, you will not like the judges decision."

Days like today make me love my job! I am serious. I would never get to deal with this kind of silliness in a public school.

Going Back To School

As all teachers know, you must continually go back to school to keep your license current, etc. That means more portfolio work, yada yada. I have been thinking about going back to school for some time but really not sure if I want to seek a master's degree in Education. I don't aspire to be a principal nor do I want to be a guidance counselor, so I felt stuck. I began to wonder if I could go back to school to learn more about criminal justice and use it towards my continuing education (CE) credits, so I emailed the head of licensing at IPFW.

I told J.B. (the head of teacher licensing at IPFW) about my job and how I seem to work in that world where criminal justice meets education. I told him that I knew the education side of things because that is my bachelor's degree, but how I often feel ignorant about the criminal justice side of things. I asked him, "Can I take credits outside of the world of education and have it count towards my CE credits? Do those classes have to be at the graduate level?"

This morning I was told that due to the nature of my job, Jim will allow me to take undergraduate classes in criminal justice and use those credits to count towards a Criminal Justice degree as well as my CE credits. I am excited. I am ready to pull out my backpack, pack some new pencils and pens and go back to school! I emailed my boss about taking summer classes and counting that time on my work time card. Hopefully he says yes. All that is left to do is figure out what classes I want to take and financial aid. I know that IPFW isn't "expensive" by some peoples standards, but right now I could use all the help I could get. I am actually excited about learning about an area I know very little about!

Insomniac

I have never been a night owl. Never had a late night cram session. I was always the first one to fall asleep at slumber parties. I have only been to IHOP after 9pm once and that was for a bachelorette party. I just don't do nights.....until this week.

I have discovered that I have developed the inability to sleep. I have not changed my bedroom routine one bit. In fact, I have enhanced it. The nice warm shower before bed, glass of warm milk, soft lighting, etc. I have stopped drinking caffeine and stopped the bedtime snacking, and yet, sleep doesn't come.

The funny thing is, I don't fall asleep till 2am, yet I wake up at 6am like normal. I feel refreshed even though I know I didn't sleep. I am not sleepy, yet I know these late nights of dishnetwork surfing will catch up with me, but I just can't sleep!

I do a lot of praying and thinking when I can't sleep (this probably doesn't help me fall asleep, but at least I feel productive). This gets my mind going, and then I really can't fall asleep, even if I am tired!

I'm sure my lack of sleep isn't helping me fight off this cold. I do believe I have been invaded by a sinus bug and it is kicking my butt. I have decided to work a half day today and then go home and force myself to take an afternoon nap.

Even afternoon naps are difficult. We are a napping family. When TJ takes a nap, Ayron and I take a nap. It's our weekend ritual. It's great. The past month, I am wide awake during nap time. Not taking naps has done wonders for my Super Mario Brothers (on the Wii of course) skills because I am able to play without Ayron watching my every move.

I just want to sleep!

Foster vs. Adoption vs. Pregnancy

Ayron and I have been talking about expanding our family. This shouldn't be shocker to anyone! We are debating and seeking personal stories on the many ways to expand a family (hence the title of this post). I am more or less going to ramble my own thoughts about each of the three ways and hope that someone out there has some input/personal stories/advice on each method.

Pregnancy
Part of me thinks, "Been there, done that." It was a rough pregnancy. It took us a year to get actually get pregnant and that only happened with the help of gluchopage (diabetic medicine that has the side effect of helping with fertility while not increase the risk of multiples). I was sick all the time, pinched nerves, weight loss, etc. Not to mention the actual birthing process. Taylor came out elbow first, but only after stopping his own heart several times (He had his umbilical cord in his fist).

But along with the scary and not so fun parts are the amazing parts. Knowing that God is knitting together this baby inside of you. Knowing that you are carrying another human. Feeling the baby move inside you (except for when it kicks your full bladder). All of those things are amazing. Seeing the little heartbeat on the screen for the first time just makes your heart melt.

I wouldn't mind being pregnant again, but if it never happened again I wouldn't be heartbroken either. I have experienced it once and that is amazing, if He allows it to happen again, I will gladly give it my best shot!

Adoption
We are very ignorant about the adoption process. We have reached out to friends of ours who have adopted two children (one Fillipino and one Floridian). We are going to meet with them for dinner and seek their advice, wisdom, story, etc.

I know it can be a long process and can even be heart wrenching, but I am willing to try. The thought of being able to care for, love, and raise a child that someone can't excites me. We would be giving this child a shot at life that they might not have gotten had we not stepped up.

We even talked about adopting an older child. We had our baby days and we know that the odds of an older child getting adopted are greatly reduced. We also know that older children may come with their baggage and we think we have enough community resources, as well as family strength to help with those.

Fostering
Due to the nature of my job I work a lot with foster kids. It seems they are just seeking someone to actually love them. Someone who gives a darn about them and is willing to say so. I talked to a foster student yesterday on the phone who is coming back to the area (wasn't originally in foster care, but the situation has changed). I flat out told her, "We have missed you and your smile. We were heartbroken when we heard what had happened, but we are there for you. Please come back." She cried and said that was she wanted to hear. They just want someone to love them and give them guidelines, kids like structure. They will fight it, but it makes them feel secure and cared for.

My biggest fear with fostering is becoming too attached. It would be very difficult for me to give a child back to the biological parents if I felt the environment they were going back to was not safe. I would be the crazy lady on the news who has the kids held hostage in her home to keep them from going back to an unfit home.

Fostering also allows us the opportunity to touch more than just one child's life. We would be able to have many children over the course of our family. It would also allow Ayron to be a stay at home, dad, something he really wants to do.

I look at so many of my students and think, "If I could just take them home maybe their lives would be better. They could have a warm bed, hot shower, decent food and a family that gives a darn."

We are also very ignorant about the fostering system and are seeking some advice/personal stories/etc.

If anyone has any information or contact people we can speak with, please let us know! We are praying and hoping He shows us the path He wants us to take.

And Another Year Begins

So I am 8 days into the new year and nothing major has changed, not that I expected it to. I don't make resolutions because who actually sticks with them? I am choosing to look ahead to this year and anticipate all that He has in store for us.

Ayron's job has been on the rocks (as if anyone in NE Indiana doesn't know about Kruse), but he is always looking. Taylor is growing like crazy and will repeat anything you say, thus causing me to yell at Ayron about his potty mouth. Scooter is still Scooter, a lovable pain in the butt. Ayron and I celebrated the 9 year anniversary of our first date (and 4 year anniversary of our engagement) by hanging out with some old friends and counting down to midnight.

So what does this next year hold for me. I don't know, but I am trying to be optimistic. It seems like there are so many paths we could take, we are just waiting for the green light from Him. We have thought about moving, and I don't mean just across town. Our family is what keeps us here. We are both very much "family" people and couldn't stand to live so far away from our family. Although if a certain couple were to move to the office/plant in SC, I might be persuaded to move...you know who you are!

This summer will mark our five year wedding anniversary and we are seriously considering a trip to Vegas. I want to do the cheesiest wedding chapel vow renewal possible. I want Ayron in a too small, powder blue tuxedo, with a ruffle shirt of course. I want to find the biggest sleeved, lace covered wedding dress (to rent of course). Someone suggested a behive hair do for me, and I think a faux hawk for Ayron. I can't wait.

Taylor will turn 2 this year. I can't believe that 2 years have almost passed. It seems like just yesterday we couldn't wait for him to walk and now we wish he's slow down. It amazes me how much he is able to absorb and process on a daily basis. He has become my little kitchen helper and will hopefully be quite the chef!

I know a lot will happen this year, and I am willing to take the good with the bad!

Is It Really Christmas?

It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. We put up the lights, decorated a tree, did some holiday shopping, attending an office party, attended an ugly sweater party, shoveled snow, and yet....it doesn't feel like Christmas.

I normally start listening to Christmas music right after Thanksgiving, but not this year. Maybe it's because we just finally got back home and settled into our normal routine. Maybe it's been because we keep passing around the same cold. Who knows. It just doesn't feel like Christmas.

Smartipants

Last night I had dinner with a friend and while we ate, our boys trashed her house. We were talking about diapers (she has a 22 month old and a 5 month old) and she showed me something she recently purchased. I was captivated by a cloth diaper. Seriously people, a cloth diaper.

I had thought about using cloth diapers with TJ, but I was scared and we just went the disposable route (all of you "green" people can lecture me later). After looking through the website and talking to Leah about them, I am sold!

I came home and told Ayron, "If/when we have #2, we are getting these!"

House Update

I really don't have anything fascinating to report, but since I know some family members read this I thought I'd update them on the progress at our house.

The drywall went up yesterday. Today the taping and mudding will be done and left to dry overnight. Ayron is going to paint the vanity and the medicine cabinet this afternoon. Tonight we are going to pick out our flooring for the kitchen/dining room.

Tomorrow the bathroom will be painted. Thursday the bathroom will get another coat of paint and the flooring in the kitchen/dining room will go down. Friday the professionals will come and put the bathroom flooring down. Then, next Monday, the final step....carpet.

I am so ready to move back into my house and get on with life! I think I am so eager to move home because we are going to put up a Christmas tree this year! We haven't put a tree up in three years because of the accident, then we had a dog, and then TJ, yada yada. This year, no excuses, the tree is going up!

Destruction Day 1

We officially moved out of our house yesterday morning. I had to laugh because 3 years ago (almost to the day) we moved out of my in-laws house and into our first home and now we are moving back in with my in-laws.

I decided to stop by the house on my way home to just see what had been done. I didn't know what to expect, but I was blown away. We do have a Reeves Construction sign in our yard, so that means that all the nosey elderly neighbors came by at least twice to see what was going on. We have a large dumpster occupying our driveway and a construction trailer in the front yard. All of this I expected.

They gutted my house like a fish! I have a toilet in my living room. My brother in law thought it would be funny to sit it right where the recliner normal sits, he was right, it cracked me up. They tore up all the carpet and low and behold, we have really ugly 1950's tile that runs throughout the whole house. They tore out one whole bathroom wall, and half of the other. Took down my shower doors and ripped up the flooring. It looks really different, but knowing it will all be fixed soon is great.

Here is the kicker. It wouldn't be happening to anyone else but me. I just got off the phone with Tom (my contractor and father in law). Before we did any digging into the slab we had a guy come and mark the water lines. He marked them and we all thought that Tom's assumption was right. We assumed we would have to hack hammer up a large portion of the slab, fix the pipe, pour new cement, wait for it to cure, put in the walls, etc. Well, this morning Tom and Phil (my brother in law) started tearing up the concrete only to figure out that the guy had marked the lines wrong and we really didn't need to take up the slab to fix the broken pipe. So this whole remodel could have only taken a week, but since the moron marked the lines wrong, and we dug into cement, we are back at a 2 week process. I had to laugh, this would only happen to us. I was so excited when Tom told me, "Hey, the problem isn't where we thought, it will be a much faster and easier fix." Then he paused. I said, "Ok, just tell me." He said, "Too bad we already cut into the cement and tore up the floor only to find out we didn't have to do that." Bah Humbug!

I am going to take some pictures of our recently destroyed house tonight. It's kind of cool to be apart of the remodel from start to finish. It is great to know that the mold is finally out of my house and my new carpet is on its way!

Not Sure

Right now I am not sure how I feel about anything. Part of me wants to just not care, but part of me knows that I can't do that. I think what I am trying to avoid feeling is a mix of frustration and misunderstanding. Not about anything in particular, but just life in general. If I can't pinpoint the source how am I supposed to fix it? I just keep wandering, "What am I supposed to learn from all of this?" I think I am supposed to learn to stand up for myself, and I took that first step this morning, but I know that it will be pushed aside and not taken seriously.

We have been dealing with the insurance mess since September and just finally got that all straightened out and the check will go into the bank this afternoon with the remodel starting on Monday. It is nice to know that the ball is finally rolling, and at a nice pace, on this project. It just took so long and I suddenly don't care any more. I don't want to make any more decisions, I don't want to call and complain to the insurance company anymore. I don't want to deal with the mess of boarding the dog and moving out for a week. I just don't care.

Work is another aspect that I am rapidly getting frustrated with. I feel like I am constantly getting dumped on, by everyone. Parents call and complain to me and get mad at me for their kid being expelled from school. HELLO?! They obviously did something to be expelled from school, don't get mad that I am offering you an alternative to juvenile detention. I feel like other individuals I have to associate with take me and my program for granted. No one asks me what I think or feel about situations, they just assume I will automatically do it. I feel like I am the only one watching my back and the only one looking out for the well being of my students. Someone has to care about them, why can't I?

I finally decided to express my concerns to the powers that be, but I have a feeling that they will just be brushed aside. How do I not let them get brushed aside without looking like a needy brat? How can I stand up for myself in a professional manner but not break down emotionally? I am not the type who can leave work at work. I often spend countless hours at night (when I should be sleeping) thinking of things I can say or do with the students to help them. I become emotionally attached to these kids. So many of them have parents that have written them off and the schools have tossed them aside, but all they need is a different teaching style, or someone to just care about them. They can sense when someone is being genuine and truly wants to see them succeed. So I carry all of their baggage along with mine and it makes me emotional. Heck, just sitting here typing this I am on the verge of tears. So how do I check those emotions at the door to make sure I don't get trampled?

Do I have to check those emotions at the door? If I show the emotions I am afraid I will be seen as weak, and that is not the image I want to portray. When men are assertive at work they are seen as strong and willing to take the lead. When women do it we are seen as bitches and bossy. Where is that fine line and how do I find it. I don't feel that what I am asking for is unreasonable. I know my worth and I think it is only fair to be given the respect that I feel I deserve and have earned. How do I make others see that? I constantly feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall and getting no where, so why don't I stop banging my head? What is it that makes me think I can actually bust down that wall? I know that there are several other paths around the wall, yet for some reason I can't stop hitting my head against it in an attempt to break it down.

I guess I'm just seeking advice, wisdom, personal experience, motivation, encouragement, whatever it is you have to give me.

Let the remodel begin!

Well, we finally got a check from the insurance company (we have been dealing with this since Sept. 23!). They made the check out to us and Chase Home Finance. We were afraid we would have to mail the check off to our mortgage company and then wait for someone to sign it and send it back. We decided to be clever and we called the Chase bank branch in Kendalville. The bank manager was able to get clearance and sign the check for us! I will be depositing that money this afternoon, then I will turn around and write a check for the exact same amount to Reeves Construction.

With the help of my mother in law, we were able to finally decide on paint colors for the bathroom. Last Friday we picked out the carpet for the house and our bedroom, but choosing paint turned into a sore subject. I literally threw a fit like a toddler in Home Depot because Ayron was not listening to me. It was childish, but I did get my point across. I was showing my mother in law the colors I liked and let me tell you, when her and I team up, Ayron and Tom (my father in law) lose every time! I got lucky because the colors I picked actually match really well with the flooring Ayron chose. I let Ayron pick the flooring before we even looked at paint, I have learned you have to pick your battles and in this case, it worked in my favor! The only choice left to make is what kind of flooring will go in the kitchen/dining room. That will be the last project done (during this whole remodel) so I have about a week before I really need to make my mind up on that.

This will be the color we paint the walls. The vanity/medicine cabinet/cabinet above the toilet will be this color. We choose Sand Shore for the ceiling and trim. Although, now that I look at Sand Shore on the website, I realize it looks nothing like the color sample I have before me. I guess I would describe it as a mix between a nice creamy egg shell and and a very pale brownish yellow...yeah, that sounds ugly...but it's not!

When I posted the color choices to facebook last night my smart alec cousin wrote back: You are going to get hungry while you look at the turtles with your toes in the sand sitting on the loo.

Random Update

It seems like there is a lot going on in my life right now, but nothing major. Just lots of little things. I am in the mood to "blog" but since I really don't have a lot of blogworthy thoughts, here are some random things that have been happening in my life.

* Dawn got married! Yes folks, the girl who swore she'd always be single said, "I do." And it was awesome!

* My wireless is down at work. Not a big thing, just frustrating. I can't get it to work and of course I can't get the IT guy (my boss) to actually answer any of his phones or his email!

* We are moving. Nothing major, we just have to move out while the renovations are done to our house. The insurance company finally put a check in the mail yesterday. Ayron and I are going this afternoon to pick out the carpet for the hallway/living room, the carpet for our bedroom, and the tile for the dining room and the bathroom. Who know that one cracked pipe would cause so much damage! I am happy that my father-in-law is the contractor we are able to use. I would much rather "employ" someone I know than a stranger. Nothing like having strangers in and out of your house for a week. We will hopefully be able to stay with Ayron's parents during the remodel and Scooter will be boarded.

* TJ is learning all sorts of new things everyday and it amazes me. My mom takes him to the library on Tuesdays for library class and last night he proceeded to sing all of their songs to me. It was great, almost made me want to cry because Mom gets to experience all of this with him while I am at work. He even knew the motions. It was great! As soon as I got out the video camera to capture his little song and dance show, he clamed up and wouldn't even look at the camera.

* We are approaching the 3 year anniversary of my sister-in-laws accident and I will probably write that blog post today. It is amazing how 30 seconds 3 years ago can dramatically change several lives.

* I actually got on stage and did improv! It was for a women's group at church, but it was fun!

* Work is just as crazy, but I don't think I'd like it if I was bored. Ayron is still looking for another job as well as his unemployment to kick in. It is great that he can stay home with TJ on some days, but having that extra money would be nice too.

Well, I should find something to do so I can consider today productive!

2255B County Road 27, Waterloo IN

This post is not intended to be sad and sappy, rather a post to remember the crazy times had by all!!

2255 B, CR 27 will never be the same. Mr. and Mrs. B have sold the cabin. It is time for change in their lives. They no longer need to put forth the time and energy needed to maintain the cabin that we all grew up in. I mean we...all of us.

That cabin has housed people from all over the world. Some for just a brief summer experience, others for an entire school year. We jokingly began to call it, "IHOB: International House Of Bennett's."

The house welcomed everyone and their crazy antics. I remember one winter when all the Bennett kid's had friends over for a snowball fight. Well, due to a snow emergency, everything north of US 6 was closed and we were all snowed in. The Bennett's merely dug out all the spare blankets and pillows and we had one heck of sleep over! Don't forget Jarrod and Nick's Sunday chat's between both bathrooms. The fact that the walls didn't actually reach the ceiling. That sun room saw it's fair share of Euchre and Caboodle games (Marc always cheated!). The many pool parties and the pool side church service/baptismal. The campfires back in the woods and the fireworks across the road.

Who could forget the often seen, but never touched, Twoie (I am guessing on the spelling), or Bear and his chair on the deck. Don't forget Jade and Pudge and the numerous kittens.

That house is full of memories for people other than the family that lived there. I think I spent so much time there, they probably could have charged me rent! What are your favorite memories about the cabin?

What is holding you back?

This weekend I was thinking of all the things I have wanted to do in my life (this occurred due to driving past Grade A Tattoo...this will come into play later). I started mentally creating a list of all the things I have always wanted to do, yet always come up with an excuse not to actually do them. It's not really a "bucket list" because I am not dying, nor am I in any hurry to start crossing these things off my list. It's just a list. I hope that by actually putting the list "out there" I can figure out what is keeping me from actually doing these things I want to do.

These are in no particular order. I would like to thank everyone now for NOT lecturing me on my list. I have thought through everything and let me remind you, this is just a list. I am 26 years old and am a "big girl." What I do decide to do or not do is my business. Thus ends the lecture for me. On to the list!

1. Get my nose pierced. Not a bull ring or anything. Just a small stud. Tiny perhaps. I know several teachers who have them, yet I wonder how professional it looks in an interview. Just a small sparkle looks nice on people.

2. Get a tattoo. We were driving past Grade A Tattoo this weekend and I saw their sign, "$50 Halloween Themed Tattoos." Really? Halloween themed? I wouldn't get a Halloween themed tattoo, but I have a couple of designs in mind. It would be something that means something to me. It would be drawn by a friend of mind (I don't want a cookie cutter style tattoo). It would be someplace on my body that could be hidden. The tattoo would be for me, not for anyone else. It would be small and tasteful. Heck I could get it and no one would know about it, yet I haven't.

3. Sing karaoke at a bar. Seeing as how I choose not to sing in public, this won't happen. It would require A LOT of alcohol and a large group of people willing to make a fool of themselves with me. Seeing as how I don't drink, this really doesn't look like it will happen. I hate watching American Idol, especially when the people think they really can sing and they can't. No need to put myself thru that kind of embarrassment.

4. Be a back up singer on tour. Back up singing is drastically different that #3. You are not the person the crowd came to see, thus, less pressure. Seeing as how lately all the backup singers I see are large women of the African American persuasion, I don't think this will happen either. I have offered to be a "forkette" (inside joke) for my friend who is a recording artist, but that has yet to happen.

5. Go on tour with a Broadway style show. I would love to be a roadie or techie for a show like Stomp or RENT. Oh how I would love RENT! They would have to tape my mouth shut because I would sing along to every song!

6. Backpack through Europe. I have been lucky enough to travel across seas twice now. I wish I had been a bit older and more mature so that I would have appreciated the opportunities that had been given to me.

7. Parasail in the Alps. I saw people doing this while I was in Austria and I asked someone and they wouldn't allow me to do it since I was an American an they didn't know if they could trust my insurance, yada yada. I never even asked my mom, I knew that answer would be, "No!"

8. Climb a tree. I haven't done that in a really long time. Seems simple right? My neighbor going up had an awesome willow tree in the backyard. It was great for climbing. We would spend hours lost in it's branches. Hiding from parents and siblings. Pretending we were pirates or thieves. It was a great time.

9. I wish I had the "balls" to tell several people how I truly feel and not feel guilty later. I am a people pleasure. If that means keeping my thoughts and opinions inside, I'll do it. There are several people I would like to confront (I don't mean in a bad way) and really tell them what I think of several issues. Yet, I sit here and "hide" behind my blog.

10. Scuba dive. I've never had the chance, but if I had, I would do it! I would not leave my cell phone in my pocket like Ayron did. Ocean water instantly kills a cell phone!

11. Be a designer and create clothes that fit real people. I have a hard time finding clothes that actually fit me. Just because I have a bigger tummy doesn't mean that I have a huge behind or thighs to match. I just have a tummy people! When it comes to Ayron, if we can find his inseam, the designers assume he is a toothpick. If we can find his waist, they assume he is a midget. It is very hard to find a 44 (he might be down to a 42 no2) x 36 or 38 pant! Oh, I would so totally design a comfortable bra (without underwire!) for odd sized people as well.

12. Learn how to fly. I don't mean, "jump off a roof and hope I land safely." I'd like to learn how to actually fly a plane.

13. Dance. See here's the thing. I have been banned from dancing in 40 of the 50 states and that is only because I haven't been to the other 10 states. I don't dance. I feel like I look like a giant dork tripping over her feet, so I choose to sit. I know this recently upset Tyler and for that I apologize, but I just don't dance. I never had dance lessons growing up and have no clue what I am doing. I used to do that macarana and the chicken dance is easy, but beyond that, I'm toast. I know this really upsets Ayron, but I just don't dance.

That is all I can think of for now....what have you always wanted to do and what is stopping you?

What Does The Doctor Get?

Read this article. I want to know what the doctor gets? He/She delivered a baby while the plane was landing. Should the doctor not be rewarded for their efforts?

Are you for real? Part II

I recently wrote a post about about how celebrities pay people to do ordinary things (Are You For Real?). Some celebrity paid someone to tie their shoes, or someone who was in charge of making sure the ipod is charged.

This morning I read an on line article about things that celebrities demand in their dressing rooms or in their prenuptial agreements.

Really Khole? Lifetime tickets for your entire family? $1k a month for beauty products? Who wears THAT much make up? I don't think that trashy drag queens wear that much make up! Let's say her and her soon to be husband are married for only 1 year. She would make a total of $597,000.00 in her first year. Sad thing is, she would probably blow through all that cash faster than any of the rest of us would/could.

I did like Kelly Clarkson's list. Nothing too outrageous, but I still think that if I were a celebrity my "demand" list would be even shorter. Although I am not really sure what I would demand.

Maybe some Dr. Pepper, Twizzlers, water, and Kraft macaroni and cheese. What would YOU ask for in your dressing room? Anything outrageous? Oh....maybe I'd hire someone just to bring me fresh Casa salad every night for dinner.....dang, now I want Casa salad!

Calling All Baseball Fans!

I know nothing about baseball, ok, well I know a little bit (3 bases, 2 teams, 1 bat, 1 ball). Ayron has recently began thinking about selling his baseball card collection. Seeing as how I no nothing about baseball or baseball cards I have no clue where to even begin on this process. I have asked him repeatedly if he really wants to sell them, and every time he tells me yes. Apparently collectors are paying nice money for them right now.

I don't even know what cards he has, but I know he has a lot. I think he has at least two Nolan Ryan rookie cards. Are those rare?

So I am asking for help. Where should I begin? Who (in the (Ft. Wayne area) would buy these cards? How much should we expect to get (I know that depends on the card)? How do we know we aren't getting ripped off?

Babymania

Let me first say that we are NOT pregnant, I am just chubby! Now that I have clarified that point, let me move on. I do have several friends who are pregnant and one couple who will soon be adopting (I am so freaking happy for Nathan and Emily!!!!!!!)

Ayron and I have been discussing the thought of another child. This past summer my ovaries were tingling very hard, but the birth of three kids to friends of ours calmed them down. I was able to smoosh on the babies and hand them back once they had pooped themselves or after they had puked on me (Claire and Gage).

The ovaries are back in the tingle mode and it kind of sucks. It has made us have several conversations about when is the right time to start trying for #2. We had to use medicine to conceive Taylor (glucophage is actually a diabetic drug with the side effect of causing regular ovulation. Doesn't increase the risk of multiples, just helps you actually ovulate on schedule) and that took 3 months (that is the average time people are on the medicine before they conceive).

So we have been talking. What is a good age gap between children? Natalee and I are 7 1/2 years apart. I know that I was an unplanned pregnancy, my mother had a copper IUD. That caused some worry during her pregnancy. At one point they thought I would be down syndrome and who knows what else. But 26 years later, here I sit. Ayron and Phil are 8 years apart. JoEllen was married to Phil's dad and had Phil. Phil's father was killed in an automobile accident and then she married Tom (Ayron's dad). We both agree that 7 1/2 years is too long of an age gap between children. But what is a good age gap?

Ideally, I would like to have TJ a little more independent. He has grown so much in the past two weeks, but I would like to tackle potty training. Two kids in diapers scares me. Those suckers are amazingly expensive! Then comes the issue of space in our house. Ideally I'd like to get the backroom re-done so we can move the living room to that room, then move the office to what is now the living room. Then we can make that tiny room into another nursery. Ideally, if we had two boys at some point, bunk beds could be used in TJ's room now.

But age gap wise, what is a good gap? I think that my sister and I fought so much. In just the past couple years she has started to view me as an adult and less like the annoying little sister (which I NEVER was :) ). Ayron and his brother can finally hang out as friends.

I'm Funny?

Apparently I am funny. I was told several times this past weekend that I was funny. I got a phone call last night asking me to partake in an improv show because I am funny. Am I really that funny? I don't try to be funny, I really don't. I don't think I am funny, but maybe I am.

I am hesitant about agreeing to do the improv show. It is for a group at church. It's not like I am going up in front of a bunch of drunk people at a club. But seeing as how I don't view myself as funny, the thought of trying to be funny on the spot terrifies me.

If I don't feel I am funny, how can I be funny in front of a crowd? Improv? That scares me. Maybe if I knew what was going to be thrown at me I could plan to be funny. What if they hand me a band-aid and a chicken? How do I make that funny?

I still haven't made up my mind yet. I am a bit on the fence. I know that Layna really wants me to do it, and she swears I am funny, but really? Am I?

Seattle Here I Come

I am fortunate enough to be flying to Seattle Thursday morning (I will be up and in the air before the sun even thinks of waking up!). I am so excited! One of my very good friends is getting married. I have known Tyler since the 2nd grade. His mother used to babysit me. We drifted apart, went our own ways, but somehow we reconnected and I am pretty sure the Big Guy upstairs is responsible.

Tyler helps me see things from a different point of view. I often run my feelings, thoughts, words, by him before I open my mouth. He has a nice way of showing me that I am wrong!

I have only met Christine once, (unless you count a Skype bridal shower), and that was enough. I don't mean that in a bad way. After meeting her once, I knew she was the one for Tyler. It is nice to know that your friend has found THE ONE he will spend the rest of his life with.

It is amazing to see the love those two share and think about the possibilities their lives hold.

I think I am more nervous about this wedding than they are! I don't know if I would call it "nervous" or anxious. The last time we (Ayron will be doing a reading in the wedding) were all dressed up was our own wedding! I have a lovely black dress and Ayron's suit is at the cleaners. As much as I hate the gut sucking underpants and strapless bra, I can't wait to get all girly.

I have to wonder what I am walking into tho. Keep in mind that I haven't met Any of the people I will be in the wedding with (besides the couple and the grooms brother). All of these people are strangers to me. I have to wonder what they will think of me. I have already planned out my outfits (in order to make a good impression) and bought new make-up. I have to wonder why I care so much. I am not seeking their approval, they either like me or they don't, but I want them to see the best "Carma" I can be.

I am also nervous about flying. I haven't flown in years! We are carrying on our wedding outfits so I'm sure we will look odd lugging around formal wear in St. Louis (layover). My theory is, if they lose my luggage, there is always a place I can get pants and a shirt, but it is very hard to get a custom tailored bridesmaid dress, strapless bra, gut sucking underpants, and high heels on short notice!

I am ready to go, but sad about taking TJ. Taylor will be staying in Ft. Wayne with our friends. I trust them but I haven't left TJ for more than 2 days. Heck, when we leave him overnight with Ayron's parents all I do is putter around the house mumbling, "I miss Monkey!"

I am so excited, but I just want Thursday to be here so I can have a mini vacation and watch two love birds get married.

Detective Christine Mannina

This morning I took our three students to Trine University to listen to a lecture given by Detective Mannina from Indianapolis. She is also the lead person in Discovery Channel's "The Shift."

I was pleased to know that her best friend was the founder of the Whitley County Youth Improvement Program. (That is really besides the point, but it earns me brownie points in the "Six Degrees of Separation" game).

After meeting her and listening to her lecture, I can't wait to go home and set my dvr to record the show!

Check it out at: http://investigation.discovery.com/tv/the-shift/the-shift.html

Older House Curse Part II

Let me start off by saying, "Blech!" Saturday morning my brother in law and father in law came to work on an estimate for fixing our leaky bathroom. Since they don't have x-ray vision and we wouldn't let them just start ripping into the flooring, they had to guess what the problem was. By guess I mean, make educated assumptions based on a process of elimination.

After a couple of guesses, they were able to figure out that our problem is one of two things. To be honest, I have no clue what those two things are! I didn't ask. I think I would rather not know. Send me to the store to pick out paint and tiles and I'll be good! Phil also decided to take up the carpet in the hallway (where the water leaks up through the foundation) and discovered that the padding is moldy. I could have told you that, but that's another story. So they were curious and cut two small patches out of two walls in the bathroom and guess what, mold. Freaking fantastic. No wonder my allergies have been nasty even with daily meds!

I now get to pick out new paint for the bathroom, tile for the bathroom, a color of paint for the vanity (just going to fix it and paint it), and now carpet. I am glad that this is all getting done, but blech. I have no clue what color or "theme" to go with in our "new" bathroom. Any suggestions?

So they are now going to have to take out our toilet, washer, dryer, vanity, and cupboard. Then rip out the drywall, take down the rest of the wallpaper, jack hammer up the slab. Then they must fix the pipe (the only part of the ordeal our insurance won't cover bc they say it is a maintenance problem. How I am supposed to maintain a pipe buried in cement is beyond me!). After the pipe is fixed, new cement will be poured and then we have to wait for it to cure. While we are waiting we will paint and redo the vanity. Then comes the new paint, window treatment, tile. Then back comes the washer, dryer, and toilet. Then the vanity and cupboard will be re-installed. Then comes carpet. Blech, just thinking about it makes me tired!

So this morning I get a call from a lady at our insurance office. This was not the person we normally deal with. She wanted to know where our estimate was. I informed her that after our contractor looked at it, he decided to call our flooring company to get a better estimate (they are at my house right now). She seemed annoyed that we hadn't sent our estimate yet. Well, we wanted it to be accurate. I told her as soon as I got the estimate I would fax them a copy. She was genuinely annoyed that I couldn't fax her an estimate now. I didn't know what to say so I just said, "As soon as my contractor gets the estimate written, I will send it to you!" You would think they would be happy about not having to cut me a check!

Older House Curse

I love my house. It has it's issues, but most older homes do. I fell in love with my house the instant we stepped inside. I think I liked it so much because it is very much like the house I grew up in. I also love the neighborhood and my back yard is HUGE for being in town. I love the "climbing" tree in the front yard. I love the fact that the Sheriff lives across the street and that someone from dispatch lives next door. I love that it is a semi-quiet (stupid ppl do drive a bit to fast down our street) neighborhood.

Now to the issues with our house. We moved in November of 2007. In January of 2008, we began having issues. You'd flush the toilet and water (it was clean water, not the dirty toilet water) would come up in the shower (the lady we bought the house from was older and had her bath tub converted to a shower type thingy with bench). After months of trying different things, we decided to tear into the pipe that takes the dirty water away from our house and into the city's pipes. Our "drain pipe" runs right between the two trees in our front yard. Low and behold, we found that a piece of the old clay pipe was busted, causing the back up. So, Ayron used a saw and made a clean cut on the old pipe, he also managed to cut the water line. We did have them come and mark before we began our little excavation, but they marked wrong. So poor Ayron and Josh O. were stuck in a huge hole while water shot out of the ground like a fountain, turning our front yard into a mud pit. They managed to get everything fixed and all was well. This spring we were finally able to get grass to grow around our trees again!

About a month ago, I decided to run a load of laundry. I started the washer and took the boys (TJ and Scooter) outside. When we came in, and I was walking down the hallway I heard a "squish" and realized that our hallway carpet was soaked. I thought that maybe I had just overfilled the washer. Well after a panicked phone call to Ayron and some talking with Tom (my father in law) we have come to the conclusion that the pipe under the bathroom floor (our house is on a slab) is cracked and water is seeping up and into our bathroom. Freaking great! You can see the water come up between the tile (I think it's just the peel and stick linoleum). I have stopped doing laundry at home and thus, the wet spot in the hallway is gone, but you can see where it was at.

Looking for an excuse to tear into the bathroom, I called our insurance agent this morning. It seems that our policy has an endorsement that would allow us, at no cost, to have up to $5k of "clean up" done. That would cover mold removal (if we have it...I hope we don't). We have a $500 deductible for the rest of the work (jackhammering up the slab, pouring new cement, retile, etc). What gets me is that our insurance doesn't actually cover the cost of repairing the pipe because they say that is "maintenance." I had to laugh. How am I supposed to maintain a pipe that is buried in cement? I asked my insurance agent that and he laughed too. He said he thought it was asinine as well. The good thing is, we just need to get a formal estimate and send it into our agent. Seeing as how I married into a construction business....I think I know who I'll call for our estimate. I also found out that we wouldn't actually pay the $500 deductible. Let's say that Tom says the job will cost $10,000 (these are the #'s our agent used, I have no clue how much it could cost!). We send in the estimate and the insurance company would send us a check for $9,500. They would keep out that $500 and treat it like we paid our deductible.

I don't really know much about insurance, but I think that we wouldn't really have any out of pocket expense. Sure, we would be inconvenienced for a while, but we can easily figure that out.

I guess I am looking for thoughts, ideas, suggestions? Anyone else have any "old house" horror stories that makes my situation look silly?

Rest In Peace Mark Wilmes

This weekend the DeKalb High School Class of 2001 lost another classmate. Mark Wilmes was killed in a two car accident in Lagrange County on Saturday. After over correcting, his car was in the path of an oncoming car, and the collision occurred.

This is the second classmate that we have lost (that I know of, and I hope there aren't any more). We lost Jerry C. the summer before our Senior year in a car accident, and now Mark has passed as well.

While I didn't really "know" Mark, I know we had a few classes together. We attended the same school from 1st grade through graduation. I was driving to work this morning when I heard about the accident (on the radio), and I immediately felt my stomach churn. I can only imagine the loss his family and friends are feeling at this moment. No one wants to bury their child, and now they must. He was 8 credits shy of graduating from IPFW with his mechanical engineering degree. I think that broke my heart a little more. To be so close, and then not be able to complete something you have worked so hard for.

I didn't really know Mark, but I do remember a funny story. We had Mr. Howard for Math our 6th grade year. I think it was 4th or 5th period. Mark always had several questions, and we all know that Mr. Howard's patience level was not the greatest. One day, after seeing Mark's hand shoot up for the millionth time Mr. Howard nicknamed Mark "Question Mark." I don't know why, but that is the first memory that popped into my head this morning when I heard about the accident.

What do you remember about Mark or Jerry? Am I correct in saying that those are the only 2 classmates we have lost?

Encouraging Words

So I have received several encouraging comments about my previous note. I tend to be a bit pessimistic by nature so I have to wonder if that is why my mood is the way it is.

I can't help but think, "Easier said than done." It is really easy to offer people words of encouragement, etc. It is easy to say that it will all work out. It is harder to believe it. At least it is for me.

I know that I need to trust and pray, but I like big obvious signs from God. I don't do subtle. When I do start to look for signs that He is listening and taking care of me, I turn every small thing into a sign. Was the robin in my tree a sign from Him? I get paranoid and I cannot let myself get that way.

I just talked with Ayron on the phone and they are continuing their hourly wages for the rest of the week and the change will happen on Monday. One of the marketers who has been with the company the longest comes back tomorrow and she has not been told (to our knowledge) of the change. We are hoping that they can all ban together and present a united front and present their side of the situation.

I just wish that I could sit outside and talk with Him, but alas I am chained to my laptop in an office built with cinder block and cement. It is very hard to be encouraged by Him when all you see is the dimples in cinder block, and the dead computers next to you.

Seeking Prayers and Advice

So yesterday some life changing news was dropped on Ayron at work. They are taking away the marketing departments hourly wages and going to commission only. This is a big blow to many people. They also fired 4 people. While I do recognize that he still has a job and I am fortunate enough to have a secure job, it is still a blow.



We are looking into several options and wondering if Ayron could get some kind of unemployment compensation to make up for losing his hourly pay. He will be considered an independent contractor now. We are hoping he can then set his own hours and possibly do some work from home. That could help with child care costs.



We have already decided to stop all unnecessary spending. We had already cut way back, but now we are stopping it. Maybe I am jumping the gun a bit, but I would rather be prepared than caught off guard.

Ayron keeps saying he has a calm feeling about everything and I wish I could say that I did. I am not really worried, I just want to know what is going to happen. I want God to send a skywriter to spell it out for me. Maybe an email or text message? Something?

We did pray together for the first time in a long time last night (I am ashamed to admit that) and that did ease my mind and I was able to sleep some. We have already asked some people for advice and I have to wonder why 3 people suggested he go out for the police department.

I know that I need to be grateful for what I have and I am continuing to pray for everyone else effected by this change. I know that others are struggling worse that we are and I pray for them everyday. I just wish I knew His plan.

Big Fight

I have a friend who is getting married this fall and one day while were talking she said, "We haven't had a big fight yet. I want to have one before we get married so we know how each other fights."

As the date for the wedding draws nearer and I watch their relationship grow and strengthen, I can't stop thinking about her comment. I have to wonder if her comment comes from past hurt in previous relationships. I don't see her future husband as the fighting type so I don't see him entering into a battle willingly.

I started to think about my relationship with Ayron and realized that we have never really fought either. Sure, we have petty little tifts about stupid things, but nothing big. Most of our little tifts are due to bad communication or hormones (I am a girl after all, we are allowed to have those days).

We have been together since New Years Eve of 2000/2001. We've survived going away to college, living with his parents, unemployment, tough times, pregnancy, childbirth, traveling at a moments notice (for work), and much more and yet we are still together. It actually does amaze me that we've made it this far. I have no doubt that we are meant for each other, who else would put up with my crap? Seeing as how we haven't ever willingly spent a night apart since we said "I do" I don't see any fights in our future.

I do believe it is important to learn how to "fight" fair. I don't mean physically fight. I think it's important for each person to learn their partner's way of thinking and communicating. A while back our church did a "Mens' Brains Womens' Brains" seminar (over several sessions). It helped me a lot. Men can only have one thought box open at a time. Women have at least 3 or 4 thought boxes open at one time. I have to constantly ask Ayron to "close the 'tv' box" and open the "listen to your wife" box.

If you have never seen the "Mens' Brains Womens' Brains" seminar, I encourage you to search for them on youtube.

So what do you think? Is fighting really necessary?

Are they for real?

We recently purchased DishNetwork and it is amazing what is on tv! I found myself caught up in a show on VH1 about celebrities and their "entourage." I was amazed at the people celebrities pay to be their friends? Isn't that really what an entourage is?

For example, P. Diddy pays someone to hold an umbrella. Are P. Diddy's arm's broken? I have to wonder if the umbrella toting friend would be such a great friend if he weren't making $4000 a week.

Whitney Houston pays someone to check the bathwater temperature in hotels. Really? Is she incapable of dipping her toes into the water to judge the temperature?

What has happened to these people that they can no longer do these simple tasks for themselves. I saw another celebrity that pays someone to fasten her shoes. Really? Is bending over THAT difficult? Who fills their head with the garbage that makes them believe that they should pay someone to do simple tasks.

I have to wonder what I would be like if I became a celebrity and hired an "entourage." Who would I hire and what would I have them do? I hate cleaning my glasses at night, so maybe I would hire someone to clean them for me. In the winter I hate pumping gas, so maybe I'd hire someone to do that for me.

Who would you hire and what would you have them do?

Whatever You're Doing

I had never heard of Sanctus Real before this afternoon. I decided to put my headphones on, turn on yahoo radio and tackle the tasks I dislike. The song "Whatever You're Doing" came on and it was like He was beating me upside the head and screaming, "Listen to the words of this song!!" Man, I was blown away.

I know that several of my friends are feeling the same way right now and it is just nice to hear a song that sums it all up!!

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender... To...

[Chorus]

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

House For Sale

I am sad to say that our in-laws have put their house up for sale. I LOVE THE HOUSE! If Ayron and I could afford to buy it, I would. I wouldn't even think twice about it. If you know anyone looking for a house in the Auburn area, check it out. It is a great house, with plenty of space (inside and out).

http://actionr.net/index.php?action=listingview&listingID=573&PageID=Home