Last Saturday

Ayron and I attend New Hope in Waterloo on Saturday nights. Nathan blogged about something exciting happening at church. I was all excited and let's just say that my excitement was justified. We had a violinist. A violinist. It was awesome! It was a young man, I'm guessing around 16 or 17ish. A violinist is rare, but a young male violinist is even rarer. It truly was a moving worship service. I loved watching the drama unfold, and while I know the drama (my husbands in it) I was still moved by watching the performance. I truly felt the presence of God in the building. It was just what I needed. I found myself getting lost in worship, and being truthful, that hasn't happened for me in a long time. It's when I get lost in worship that I truly listen to what God has to say to me and I'm open to receive His words.

The sermon was just as wonderful. I have an "undo" button and it is so awesome to truly realize that. I had felt like a major screw up lately, but later that night I found myself using my "undo" button during prayer with Him. It is truly refreshing to get lost in worship and then use your "undo" button.

I'm getting chills right now just thinking about the worship. I may just have to order a cd. It was truly awesome and I hope the violinist plays again this weekend.

I Love Froggy!

The local radio station, Froggy 106.7, has started a new thing called "Froggy on the Hop Prize Drop." They give clues as to where they will be. If you find them, you get a prize. I knew that they were going to be in Kendallville on Wednesday, so I drug Leah with me to Kendallville to eat lunch with Ayron. We listened to the radio and figured out that Chris Cord was in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Leah and I were the first ones there. We pulled up next to the Froggy car and Chris asked us what prize we wanted. We both got 2 tickets to see STOMP when it comes to Ft. Wayne in May! YEAH!!!!! We immediately called Ayron, and he pulled in. He got some Arby's food and 4 passes to a Wizards game.

I'm more excited about the STOMP tickets. I've seen it, but it was many years ago. I can't wait to take Ayron, Leah, and who ever Leah brings to the show. I can't wait till May 15 at 8pm. YEAH FOR ME!!!

Internal Monologue

It's a good thing that we have an internal monologue that no one else can hear. If it were made audible, I would stick my foot in my mouth on a daily basis, more so than I already do.

I have experienced failure in something I have been striving for, only to discover that a friend of mine has experienced success. While I am genuinely excited for my friend, I can't help but be hurt. I've struggled and failed, they hardly put forth any effort and have succeeded. It's frustrating. I don't know if the battle to succeed is more exhausting or if it is the battle to not be mad at those who have succeeded. It's not their fault they succeed the first time and I'll have to try again. It's just frustrating.

I'm So Far Behind

So I went over to my other office early today. I had an interview at 2, so I got there at 1:45. The office assistant started messing around with my new work phone. When I came out of my interview, I had discovered that she had transferred songs from her phone to mine. When I asked her how, that's when I discovered the power of bluetooth. So, thanks to Brooke, I have some new ring tones. So, if you have any songs or ring tones you wanna share, let me know!

Church Photos

So Ayron and I had our appointment to have our picture taken for the church directory. Just by having our picture taken we get a free 8x10 and a free directory. We sat and looked at our proofs and then listened to the speal the lady had about the different packages and what not. We were curious, so we asked. Just to have 3 additional 5 x 7's retouched was going to be $100! I tried not to act shocked, and we graciously said "No thank you." Was my shock uncalled for? Am I a cheapskate?

Expanding Our Family Part II

@ Todd- No, I am not getting a tree sloth. Sorry.

@ Michael- No, it's not a reptile.

@ Natalee- No, it's not a cat. We can't have cats because Joellen is highly allergic to them.

Here are some more clues.

1.) He will only get to be about 5 lbs.
2.) He does have whiskers.
3.) He can't be shown because his ears are too far back on his head.

Nothing New

While I have nothing new to report, nor anything profound to write, I feel like writing. Maybe it's the English degree in me.

Work is just as stressful as ever, yet I'm not sure I'd like it any other way. It does make the day go by quickly.

I've been sticking to the "being healthier" goal fairly well. I had a pop today because I need it to unwind. Stupid reason, I know, but it did work. I am planning on going home and enjoying the wonderful sunshine by taking Scooter for a walk.

I've been fighting off the stomach flu for 4 days now. It is going through the program and the kids are constantly getting sick. My aide and I have joked around about adding on a vomitorium just for the sickos.

Spring break is drawing near and I'm just as antsy as the kids. I'm only taking Monday and Tuesday off, but I'm still looking forward to it.

Well, seeing as how I have nothing of real value to report, I guess I'll call it a day and head home.

Fun Weekend

It was a good weekend, despite my cold. I've been fighting this cold for a couple of days and thanks to some help from Zicam I thought I was ahead of it, but it seems to be kicking my butt again this morning.

I spent most of Saturday morning just being lazy and resting. Ayron had his first performance of the first third of his play at church. He did a great job and might I say that we have a cute daughter (he plays the father of a 10 year old girl)! Leah and Ayron's parents came with us to church and all three of them, plus one more, are coming back next Saturday! Yeah!! We were going to hang out with Ayron's parents after church, but they had us invite our group out to the house to watch the basketball tournament. It was cool! I don't think they'll ever admit it, but they like having a house full of chaos, and I'm sure Tom enjoyed having two little boys around.

I spent Sunday morning doing some light housework since my back had been hurting. We have a chiropractor appointment this Wednesday and I was trying not to push it, but I apparently did, because it is all I can do to sit up straight this morning. We took Scooter out to Phil and Nikki's in the afternoon for some puppy socializing. Brutus, their 100lb. St. Bernard loved playing with Scooter and getting all muddy. While they were playing, I did something I never thought I do. I went mudding. It was hilarious!!! Phil and Nikki just got two new 4 wheelers and the big one can go up to 85 mph. The back lot was muddy, and I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't think I'd get as muddy as I did! It was hilarious. We took turns doing rooster tails and coating each other in mud. The girls had fun racing Ayron and myself around the yard and over the hill. It was fun to do something as a family, and to watch JoEllen do her famous gasp and I gunned it and jumped the hill with McKenna on the back. Needless to say, it was a lot of messy fun!!

I also met Charlie Sunday night. Read the previous post and take a guess at who Charlie is.

Our Expanding Family (?)

I know what you're thinking, "She's pregnant!" Nope! Ayron and I will be expanding our family in about three weeks. His name is Charlie and he is very cute! I don't have a picture of him yet and I'm not going to tell you what he is. I think it would be funny to see what people guess. I will give you three clues.

1.) He has a brown mustache.
2.) His name actually describes his coloring.
3.) He is a "fader"

Former Church

Ayron and Michael have started a Bible study. We've decided to meet at the DCYC in Auburn. It is a central location and it's free. The DCYC is also where our former church meets. They met in a small room at the end of the hallway. Ayron and I got there plenty early and I was curious. So I spent some time just sitting in the room that I used to attend church in. I should correct myself. I was laying on the couch. Yes couch. They use a kitchen table, chairs, huge ottoman, and several couches for seating. If it works for them, great, but it doesn't work for me. I just laid there, starring at the ceiling. I finally realized that I was waiting. Waiting for God. I had been in a funk, and didn't even really want to go to Bible study. So I made myself lay there and reflect on the day. I literally muttered, "Ok God, I'm here and listening, talk." I laid in there for about 15 minutes (I had to get up to make it back to the room in time for Bible study). Funny thing is, He didn't talk. I didn't here a booming voice, I didn't see an angel fly through the room, I didn't have a warm feeling come over me. I grew angry, I thought, "I made the effort to be still and quiet and He didn't show." This morning I was reflecting on my thoughts from last night (and I still am as I write) and I became angry, not with Him, but with myself. God made his point last night. He didn't have to send an angel or make a noise. He made his point with silence. I fill my day with noise. Students, music, foot tapping, etc. God lead me to that room last night. He placed the urge in my heart for silence, for a brief amount of time to just be still, and wait. I'm not good at waiting, we all know that. But I waited last night. So while I didn't "hear" God, I did. His point came across loud and clear. Maybe I'm not making sense to anyone, but in my mind, I am. I realized that I've been filling my silent and still time (that I should be spending with God) with noise and action. I was laying on a couch being distant and God spoke to me without speaking at all.

Working for the Government...

...does have it's perks! Several of us in my department have been experiencing major problems with out work phones. We all had Razors. Yes, I carried two Razors. I had problems with my work phone since day one. I am just now starting to have problems with my person Razor. Anyway, back to my story. My boss calls me up and says, "I just talked to L (our account dude at Centennial) and we're gonna get new phones. " So I spent the afternoon in at Centennial (By the way, if you have to go to the Angola Centennial, ask for Candance!) having our phones changed out. We now have Motorola V361's. They are cool looking, and they came with some extra toys. It came with a memory card (a $75 value), headphones, and a USB cable. Now, will we ever use those toys, probably not. But it was fun sitting around the office like a bunch of kids at Christmas opening up our new phones.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me! Part II

Last week I blogged about the show "Primetime: Outsiders." They had a man claiming he was Jesus, and well, you can read the old blog. This week, the show was about stage parents. I have half way interested, half way asleep, so I decided to have in one while a friend of mine and I talked. Turns out, the whole "stage parents" thing was a crock! They were parents that were helping their daughter jump start her porn career. They approved of what she was doing, and even helped her sell herself. What kind of parenting is that? I was sickened. Then they introduced a lady who used to be in the porn industry, but she claims she is not a Christian. If she is what she claims, then good for her, but I question her claim. She was wearing a very low cut tank top that read "Holy Hottie." She goes to conventions and tries to minister to current porn stars. If she is genuine, fine, but I was a little confused by her clothing. Maybe that is me being old fashioned, but her top was way to tight and way to low cut.

Kung Fu Puppies!!

It looks like Ayron is making Peanut and Scooter Kung Fu Fight!!!

Lovely Day!!

It's a lovely day outside. The sun is out, the snow is melting, the birds are chirping. I had to drive back to Hamilton today to get more work for two of my students. I was lucky enough to take the Ford 500. I have fallen in love with that car I knew it had a high safety rating because Nikki was driving a 500 when her accident happened. But anyways, I had the windows down, the music up, and I was cruising. It was nice to enjoy the country side without all of the snow. Everyone's mood, at least here at work, has improved. The kids are actually awake and working. I have the windows open and I can't get enough fresh air into my lungs. It's amazing how God has designed this earth. Just when I can't stand another cold snap or snow storm, God grants us two days and beauty.

Has Spring Sprung??

The weather this past weekend has be gorgeous! It's raining now, but I'd rather have rain than snow! I'm feeling my yearly spring itch to start cleaning EVERYTHING! I've already started my list of things I want to do around the house, and I'm going to start a list for the house I work out of. Here are my lists, I'm hoping that if I "publish" them, it will hold me some what accountable for actually doing them.

Home:
1.) Put pictures in collage in living room
2.) Clean carpets
3.) Tear out front bushes
4.) Cut down raspberry bushes to proper height
5.) Paint garage door
6.) Organize guest bedroom closet
7.) Clean, organize, and "decorate" the 4-seasons room
8.) Organize the garage closet (yes, there's a closet in the garage)
9.) Trim trees

Work:
1.) Clean and organize office (done!)
2.) Clean and organize closet in the computer lab
3.) Clean the computer lab and bind lose cords together
4.) Scrub the bathroom
5.) Organize the kitchen cupboards
6.) Rearrange the "non-traditional" classroom
7.) Hang bulletin board in "non-traditional" classroom

Hopefully I'll have all of this stuff done before the kids come back from Spring Break!

Fuel to the Fire

We (by we I mean my family) is still dealing with the repercussions of the accident that seriously injured my sister-in-law. I'm sure we'll be dealing with it for some time. They have contacted an attorney and are taking all of the proper steps, but it seems like there is no end in sight. We spent Saturday evening with them and my oldest niece. Nikki showed me her file box of paperwork from the accident. She handed me a letter that the insurance agency of the trucking company sent her. Before I tell you what the letter said, here is a brief description of what happened the cause the accident. A woman disobeyed a stop sign and attempted to pull through an intersection. A semi tried to swerve to miss the woman. When he swerved, he crossed the center line he jack knifed the truck and hit my sister-in-law. She spent a total of a month in the hospital and is still battling physical problems. She was expected to die and the doctors can't explain why she survived or how she is doing so well. She took her drivers test last week and passed, but she still isn't driving. Anyway, now that you're up to speed here is what the letter said. I'm not quoting it, but it said something to the effect of : Our accident reconstruction team has reviewed the accident between your vehicle and our truck. They have concluded that the accident was SOLELY YOUR FAULT and you are now expected to pay $12,000 to repair the equipment YOU damaged. I laughed, and put the letter down, then I go mad. I didn't let it show because I didn't want to upset Nikki, but you've got to be kidding me right? You think she caused the accident? She was minding her own business on HER side of the road. She even tried to pull of the road into the ditch to avoid being hit and you claim it's her fault? Who do they have on their accident reconstruction team? 3 year olds playing with tonka trucks? They called the attorney and read him the letter, he laughed and said that he will use that against them when the time comes. They are not trying to get rich, just get back to the way things were before the accident. Sad thing is, none of us will be the same. Please pray for them, they are struggling emotionally and while they won't admit it, they are really hurting. They don't attend church, but I have a feeling they believe. Pray that their desire to know God will become so strong they will listen to our invitations to attend church with us.

Another Deadly Weekend

It seems like there has been an abundance of accidents lately, especially deadly ones. The recent bus crash which involved students from a local college, my sister-in-law's accident (that's another post), and now the crash of three former students. This weekend, in Garrett, three high school girls were involved in a single car crash. The passenger was killed, the driver has head trauma, and the back seat passenger has some leg injuries. While I didn't have these students in class, the names are really familiar to me. Ayron had a couple of them when he taught in the middle school. I knew every student's face at Garrett. I loved student teaching and getting to know the kids. While I didn't know any of the girls in the accident personally, the wreck still hit me, deep. It seems like the rate of accidents have increased while the age of the driver has decreased. I lost a classmate the summer before my senior year in a single car accident. When will law makers pass a bill that will raise the driving age? I know that kids would hate that, but wouldn't they hate losing their life, or their friends life more? Can't we make it mandatory to take some kind of actual driving course? I don't know if I can stand to hear another news report about a dead young driver.

You Couldn't Pay Me Enough!

I've decided that after all of the drama today at work, you couldn't pay me enough to go back to high school. I have several teenage girls in my program right now and all of the drama and "that's not what I said"s prove my point. It's ridiculous. I want to look at them and scream, "In the long run, IT DOESN'T MATTER SO DROP IT!" But I don't. I merely told them that what ever problems they are having need to be solved on their own time and not to get worked up over the "he said, she said" business of life. I didn't hate high school, but still, there is not enough money in the world.

Blast From The Past

It seems as though the last month has been a blast from the past for me. I've reconnected with many people. L and I started talking and hanging out again after a year of not speaking to one another. K came over last night with her puppy and we sat and talked for 2 1/2 hours without skipping a beat. K and I haven't really talked since the middle of our senior year. I managed to track down my cousin, M, and we've started emailing this week, and have even thrown around the idea of her coming up here this summer to visit. My drive to Hamilton this morning was the icing on the cake. My grandmother lived in Hamilton and I spent a lot of time up there with her, especially in the summer. Last week I drove past her old house, literally, I missed it. The owners have resided it and done some cosmetic changes and I didn't recognize it. I whimpered a little sigh, and drove back to work. Today I had to drive back to Hamilton and when I drove past Harger's Meat Market. The memories of going there with Grandma to pick out the perfect slices of ham, bone in of course, for dinner. Then going home and her frying the ham, and then using the drippings to make gravy. Then, finally, being able to sit down and eat her ham, rice, and gravy dinner. You always had to add a ton of salt, but that is what makes the memory so special to me. I can still hear grandma say, "Dang, this is really bland, I thought I added enough salt" as she reached for the remote to turn on "Rescue 911." I almost stopped and got a ham steak for dinner, but I didn't. I didn't want to ruin my memory with grandma, by trying to make her gravy. Mine never turns out the way she did. Maybe I'll make bologna and cheese roll ups and pretend I'm sitting on the pier with my Snoopy fishing pole.

Gonna Do Better

So I've made a New Year's Resolution. I know, I know, it's a little late in the year. I've decided to do better by myself. I mean, take better care of myself and take time for myself. I've recently gotten back into doing puzzles and scrap booking. My goal is to make time for myself at least 3 times a week to work on something I enjoy. I decided that when Ayron plays playstation, I'll work on my puzzles or scrapbook. I've also decided to start walking more. I walk all over up here at work since all of my offices are spread out, but at home, I have become vegetative. I've decided to get out and actually walk the dog. He needs to walk and so do I. I had been taking him on short walks because he was so little and his stubby legs wore out quickly. Last night he and I walked from out house down to McIntyre. Not a long way for a normal human. But in the frigid cold, with no hat, and asthmat was good for me. Once it begins to warm up more, I want to take walks in the morning as well. I've decided that I'll start out at our house, and walk down to McIntyre, then turn around and walk up to 7th street, then turn around and come home. That should make a nice walk, and if I do that twice a day, hopefully my energy level will go up. I'd love to join gym, but money is tight, and right now so is time. I figure that once it gets nice enough out, I'll even walk on my lunch breaks.

I'm also going to start eating healthier. If you see me out, and I'm not eating healthy, feel free to point it out to me. I'm also cutting back on portions. I've been doing that for some time now, and I'm finally to the point where I'm not hungry all the time. I've stopped drinking pop, and have taken up the fine art of water, lots and lots of water. Which means, I've also taken up the fine art of constantly walking to the bathroom.

Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon and I'll be able to lose the winter weight I've put on and then some.

Something Funny

Here's something funny for all of you pet owners out there.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Simpletons! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

So, I woke up early, took the dog for a walk, and settled on the couch to watch some "Good Morning America." Ayron was up with me and we were both appalled by what we saw. They did a short excerpt from something that is going to play on "Primetime: Outsiders." There is a guy in Texas claiming to be Jesus Christ. Sure, his names is Spanish for Jesus, but that doesn't make him THE Jesus. He is an ex con to add icing to the cupcake! He has a tattoo of the mark of the beast, and also wears it on his vest. He has convinced people he is Christ. How dumb is America that they believe him? Do they really think that Jesus would come back as an ex con wearing the mark of the beast, a Rolex, and driving around in a pathfinder? I am going to watch the episode of the show though. I'm curious as to what he is saying and how people are falling for it. I want to know what this guy is "feeding" his flock. Is anyone else bothered by this? I don't know what bugs me more, the fact that this guy tells people he is Jesus Christ, or the fact that ABC is going to devote a whole hour to his crap? I know that ABC would retort with some comment about, "Well, the show is called 'Outsiders' and we're merely trying to report on what is out there....blah blah blah." I'm just disguisded.

Totally Creeped Out!

As I was sleeping early Sunday morning, I had this feeling that something wasn't right and that I need to wake up. I opened my eyes to see Ayron leaning over me, about 4 inches from my face, eyes wide open, with a big grin on his face. I asked him if he as awake, to which he replied, "Yeah." I looked at the clock, it was 4:38. He just kept grinning at me, I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied, "Nothing." I told him, "It's 4:30, go back to sleep." When I asked him about our conversation the next morning, he couldn't remember a thing. I knew that he used to sleep walk, but that didn't occur to me until after we talked about it. Turns out he was asleep, but you could have fooled me. It was very creepy though! He was 4 inches from my face, just grinning! Can you imagine if I had found him walking around the house!

Feeling Broken

It's been one of those weeks, and as the clock slowly ticks closer and closer to 4, I'm feeling worse and worse. I feel very broken, very vulnerable, defeated, exhausted, and just plain grumpy. I just want to run. Not physically, cuz let's face it, I'm not physically fit. I want to run away for awhile. Let me clarify that, I want to temporarily leave, go some place far away and relaxing. It's not that I want to avoid the problems in my life, I just want some time away to gain clarity.

I was attempting to drive to a school to meet with the guidance counselor about a student. It had started to snow, and was calming. The calm turned to panic when I realized that outside of town the roads were a mess. I got about 1/4 of the way to my destination when I decided to turn around and admit defeat. I was tempted to take the left and head out of town, but I took the right turn and ended up back at work.

We were going to go bowling tonight with a group of friends from church, but Ayron is feeling ill so I think we're gonna stay at home. That won't do much for my "wanting to run" urge, but at least I won't be at work.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else experience these urges to leave adult life and all of it's responsibilities for a day or two? To be 5 again and not have a care in the world. To actually enjoy the snow instead of cursing at it while driving home. Maybe I'll go tanning and get some fake sun in my life.

Bypassing Crazy Going Straight To

INSANITY!! I think I've lost it. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, I appear calm, but if people could hear what I was thinking today.

I lost it on my "aide" who hasn't been an aide, just a bump by the laptop. I asked him to work on a grant. He flat out told me, "Well, with all of the students......." I tuned him out. I looked at him, stuck my hand out and said, "Fine, give me the grant to do and you start actually working with the kids." I think he got the point. When I had calmed down and ventured out of my office. He was glancing through the grant AND helping two students. Maybe he finally understood!

I still feel very frazzled and while I'm excited the weekend is here, it will not be long enough.

Something that has been cool lately is reconnecting with old friends. I had an old friend over for dinner last night, and we are getting back to normal. We sat on our new furniture (yeah me!) and talked for close to 3 hours while our dogs sniffed each others hind ends.

To top it off, I got an email from an old friend of mine (we haven't talked for about 5 years). She was surfing the web and googled my name. She read my blog, and emailed. It's cool to discover what's going on with her.

Well, the kids break time is almost up and I still need to finish planning next weeks work for 3 of the students.

1st Thunderstorm

The first thunderstorm of the year is happening outside my office windows right now. What is odd, is that out one of my windows, I can hear the chirping of birds. It's an odd, yet cool thing. I was amazed on my drive to work. I watched the storm roll in from the West on my drive, and while storms scare the crap out of me, I was eerily calm. I'll admit that I am now not as calm. There is lightening and thunder and rain, OH MY! Well, I should get some work done before my meeting.

I Did

Well, I finally did it. I told my boss how I felt. Here's what I wrote him, and what he wrote back.


"I am beginning to wonder if I took on too much when I agreed to do a combined job. I feel like there is not enough time in the day to give each program the focus and attention it needs along with still having family time for my husband and mother. I find myself becoming extremely stressed, and I take it out on the kids for minor things. I don't like that side of me. The stress has even taken its toll on my health, and I spend many late afternoons fighting stomach problems and migraines.

I am waiting for the stress level to rise because I now have 7 kids in the day program, two of which are middle school, and one of the middle schoolers is special ed. It is difficult to do everything with little help from T. He is not knowledgeable in Math, nor is has he expressed any interest in trying to figure it out so he could help the kid. He has no clue how things are organized, how to enter anything into the computer, etc. It is really beginning to make leaving for meetings and conferences difficult. I've idiot proofed it and the kids have become very self-sufficient, so that helps. They know where everything is at, and what needs to be done, but he can't even figure out how to attach an email.

I find myself focusing more time for the day program because that is a majority of my time and where my expertise is at. Right now I could easily put in 40 hours a week with the day kids, between planning, pacing, grading, meeting with the contact person at school, going through the work before I assign it so I understand it, etc. That is not fair to the after school program. They need just as much focus as the day program. Being gone for meetings and conferences (don't get me wrong, I like to learn and be apart of the meetings) really puts me behind. I have reports for probation, case management stuff, now the assessing thing, and gavel something or other, and it seems like every week there is something new.

I am in the middle of reformatting the after school program. The kids are now having homework time from 4-4:30 and I check in with AMS and FMS once a week to see how the kids and their grades are going. If the kids do not have homework, they need to show me their assignment book/planner, and then read for that time. They can choose to read a book of their own, a book from the closet, or the newspaper. I have broken down the time for the program.

3:30-4 - The kids and I sit and talk, get to know each other, see what's going on, what happened that day, snack, etc.
4-4:30 - Homework/reading time
4:30-5:30/5:45ish - Activity
5:30/5:45ish-6:00- Dinner prep
6-6:30- Eating and clean up

It's hard to stick to such a schedule because the numbers change from day to day, and by spring break in March we'll be down to two kids in the after school program (one should be in phase II and one in phase III).

I guess I'm just really struggling and am stressed out and starting to regret combining the jobs. I feel like I can't do one program justice without the other suffering. I'll admit right now that I love the day program, but do not really like the after school program. I like the kids, but I'm finding it difficult to create any activities that will both be liked (so the students participate) and teach them something beneficial. Maybe its the fact that the kids lie more in the after school program that gets me.

I know that you created this position for me, but I'm really starting to wonder if I, and the programs, would be better off if I want back to just teaching during the day program?

Any thoughts?

Carma"

To which he responded:

"Carma,

Please find some time so we can talk about this. I do not believe that combining the jobs was a mistake. I think you are doing an excellent job and I know that I don’t have to worry about things over at Yip because you are there taking care of things. If Tom isn’t helping you then we need to address that. You should not be the only one over there working with the kids. I understand what you are saying about the after school program, and I can relate with you about not liking it. I hated the freaking thing in October. Shoot me some times that you can meet with me this week and we can talk about it."

Its cool that I'm apparently doing the right things, but did he not realize that I don't have any extra time! Geesh.

I don't know how...

to take time for myself. I often find myself working through my lunch break, and not on projects for myself. Why do I have this feeling to constantly please others? Does it come from my mother? Heck, even she takes time out for herself to knit. When I think I am taking time for myself by doing scrapbooking or whatever, I usually end up working on something for someone else. Is it that I don't know how to take time for myself or that I'm unwilling? What do you do to take time for yourself?

Whats with the "F" bomb?

I have discovered something over the past week, people are not afraid to drop the "f" bomb. Why is that? I grew up in an environment where cussing was not allowed. I'll admit that I do cuss, but not nearly as much as I used to, and I really despise the "f" word. Why do people feel so comfortable with it? Why do they feel so comfortable with any cuss word? I went to a professional conference Friday and every other word out of the speakers mouth was a cuss word. This was a professional conference, I was shocked! Has cussing become more common, or am I just now noticing how prevalent it is?

Not Again

So I woke up early Saturday morning and decided to be productive with my day. After Ayron got a shower and left for work, I made a short grocery list, started the washer, and left to go Krogering. I came home from my Krogering trip to find a flooded bathroom. I called Ayron, he came home from work with the drain snake. We decided that the line is clogged again, and when the washer tried to spin out, the water came up into the shower and then out onto the floor. We snaked the drain outside. When we had the snake all the way out we thought we hit the clog, but had no more snake to break through. Ayron went to the Auburn Taylor Rental and picked up a snake that you can customize. I helped him attach each 8 foot section until we had built an 88 foot snake. We snaked the hole again, and thought we cleared the plug. We were happy, but then realized that it was 6:30 and we had missed church, and smelled like poo. We got showers and decided to relax at home. This morning, I was getting my shower, right after Ayron got his, and the shower started to fill up on me. I yelled for Ayron and thus our troubles are not over. He called the city this morning and they are going to come out and inspect the lines. When this happened the first time, Ayron and I started looking in the street (our snake was long enough that we had reached the middle of the street underground (thus making it city problems, not ours). There is a patch in the road which makes us think they have already tried to fix the problem once. Please pray for our sanity in this situation.

Oh, we did have a bright spot to our weekend. We went furniture shopping yesterday. I didn't plan on buying anything so I hadn't transferred the money we had been saving into checking. We found a great sale on a love seat and oversized chair at Value City Furniture. We called mom and go the ok to put it on her card (we all have a card under her one account). We will pay the bill when it comes. But yeah, furniture. Ayron and Michael (my ears still hurt after hearing about you this weekend. Hearing...hahaha) are going to pick it up on Thursday and bring it home. We payed a little extra for the protective coating, but that gives us a 7 year warranty on stains of any kind, snags, cuts, burn marks, etc. I'm so excited. People will have a place to sit now!!

GRRRR.....

I'm wondering when people will start viewing me as the inexperienced young person. I usually am the youngest person in the groups that I associate with. I am wondering why when something goes wrong, all fingers point to me since I'm "new" or "young." Why can't "old" people fess up when the mess up? Case and point. I enrolled a new student. I hesitated to enroll the student because she was not coming to me through the proper channels. I even made my concerns known to the "old" people. Why do they decide a week later to call me and tell me that I did something wrong? I questioned the process a week ago, they told me to go ahead, so I went ahead. Now I'm getting fingers pointed at me? Why can't they just admit they messed up and didn't follow the proper channels? It is easier for them to place the blame someplace else? In this job, I have to look professional and follow the channels, that looks good to the Judge. Now I could end up looking like a shmuck because I did what I was told (by my "higher ups") in front of the judge. Thanks a lot "old" people.

** As soon as I hit publish and ventured away from my blog, I stumbled across someone else willing to shove their "older" advice at me. I AM 23, I CAN MAKE MY OWN CHOICES WITHOUT NEEDING YOUR OPINION OR MUTTERED COMMENTS. If I need or want someones opinion, I'll ask. Sure, you may consider yourself wiser just because you're older, but let me live my life. I let you live yours with very minimal negative talk from me, so why can't you do that for me?

Why does it upset me so much to confront these types of "old" people? Maybe it's because I view elders with respect. Even so, it is possible to respectfully give your opinion, but I guess I just always feel like I'm disrespecting them. As soon as I get the nerves to voice my opinion, I feel guilty. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for living my life the way I feel it should be lived. Am I right or just emotionally upset due to recent hurt?

Top 8 Morons of 2006

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Concept of Family

While Ayron and I were getting gas yesterday, I saw a cousin of mine. She is technically my second cousin on my dad's side of the family. She probably has no clue who I am. That struck me. I started thinking about family and how my definition of family has changed and who it includes.

We have always been close to my mom's side of the family, and not at all on my dad's side of the family. The only person I still talk to on my dad's side of the family, is well...my dad. Ayron's family is the exact opposite. We do everything with his dad's side of the family, and very little with his mom's side.

After pondering the notion of family most of the afternoon, I checked my phone to realize that I had a voice mail from Michael. The voice mail was different than his other ones. No funny song, no silly joke, but it meant more to me than the other voice mails. It made me realize, I had let him into my family.

My family is made up of mostly friends, and it is rapidly increasing. I'm realizing that I don't have to be genetically linked to someone in order to call them my family. I look at Quest as a monthly "family" reunion. While I still hold dear my biological family, I'm realizing that I might hold my "family" just as dear, if not more.

I'm here...barely

So today is "President's Day." Yeah rah. If you work for the government, you get the day off. Good for you. I work for the government, yet I'm here. NO...I'm not bitter...not one bit. Actually, I'm cool with it. I have a lot I could get done today. I go to Indy tomorrow with my boss to meet with IDOC about our grant. So basically, a whole day on the road with my boss for a 1/2 hour meeting at 1:30.

The weekend was great. The dinner party was a success, well at least I think so. Josh and Kelly couldn't come because he had a last minute service call to Missouri. The food was yummy, and the fellowship was great. Although, can you call fart stories and the tunnel of death fellowship? It worked for us. Big thanks goes out to Michael for helping my hubby clean up the kitchen while Amy and I chilled on the couch.

It was cool to have Ayron home all day Saturday. We hung out with my sister, went and watched Music and Lyrics, dyed my sister's hair, and then went a friends going away party. We managed to do absolutely nothing Sunday. We haven't done that in a long time!

All in all, it was a relaxing weekend. This week, however, will be crazy. I enrolled a new student today. I go to Indy tomorrow, the new student starts Wednesday(did I mention that he is only 12 and in the 6th grade?!), Thursday I work late teaching T4C, and Friday I'm going to South Bend all day for a conference. Whew, tired just thinking about it.

Venting...

I would now like to take a minute to vent about work. Keep in mind that my rants are from my mind, and do not apply to everyone.

Why are parents so dense when it comes to their own kids? Why can't they see that it is their child's behavior that causes problems, not mine? Why can't the parents see the problems with school and help their own child? Why do they depend on everyone else to take care of their child? Why do they even let stupid people breed?

Why are public schools rapidly going to the dog house? Why have the suddenly forgotten that students are people, not just numbers? Have they forgotten that students have emotions and if those emotions are fragile, their learning state will be too? When and why did the schools get so focused on winning awards and starts? What are they gaining by winning this status if students are going through the cracks?

Why do I feel that it is my duty to fix everyone's educational problems? Why do I take on such troubled students who have been left behind by not only the schools but their own family? Why do I complain about the public school yet do nothing to improve it? How do I improve the entire public school system by myself?

Why, why, why, why, oh, and why.

Can You Believe This??

Ok, I'm a pet lover. No question there. I have two cats (who live with my mom) and Scooter, who lives with us. While I love my animals, I do not love them this much! They have to be repainted every couple of months. That is a waste of money.

Excited....Yet Nervous

As many of you know, we are having a dinner party at our house tomorrow. I'm nervous. Granted, I know the people, and several have already been to our house, yet I have butterflies. I am wondering if we'll get the house clean in time! I've been working from home the past two days (thanks to the "blizzard of 07") but I didn't get nearly enough done for work or myself. Tonight is my late night at work too. Thankfully, I'm only working till noon tomorrow so I can get a lot done tomorrow afternoon.

All of that being said, I am really excited though. I feel like we've finally found a group where we fit. We changed churches this summer and instantly felt at home at New Hope. There is a group of us (do we have a name??) who do things together. We have Quest, and go out to eat after church, etc. It's nice to have a group of friends our age who are Christians and who are so loving. I guess that's why I want tomorrow to go so well. Don't forget to bring something to dip in chocolate!!!

How Cute!!

A month after Ayron and I began dating, his (well, now "our") niece and I were reading an animal book that had come with her kids meal. She decided to rename everyone in the family as an animal. I was, and still am Zebra. Ayron was assigned giraffe (how appropriate). To this day, those "nicknames" have stuck. I have the biggest collection of Zebra and Giraffe stuff this side of nowhere. So when I found this pictures today, it made me happy.

If I've Said It Once...

I've said it a million times. God's timing is mysterious.

I have been struggling with how to reconnect with an old friend of mine. Almost exactly a year ago, I had falling out with a friend. We have been friends since birth and I never thought that our distance would last a year. Last week I finally deleted her cell phone number from my phonebook. I felt slightly guilty, but thought it was because we had been friends for so long.

Saturday, she had been on my mind. When I got home from Ft. Wayne, Ayron called me to say that he had stopped in to talk to some old friends when he ran into the husband of my old friend. Ayron asked how my friend was doing, and the answer was not positive. We immediately called my friends brother. We spent the afternoon moving my friend out of their home and back in with her parents. When I walked into the house and saw her, it was like no time had passed. The fights, the year of separation, went out the window. I walked over and gave her a hug and started crying with her. I wasn't crying for our lost friendship, but for her. My heart broke as we talked. I drove with her back to her parents house and then back into town to get some groceries. My heart ached for her. I've never had the feeling. I would never wish a divorce on anyone, not even after the horrible year we've had between us.

Later that evening we went to church and the message was titled "A Valentine for Rachel" and it focused on the man who worked for 7 years to marry his love, and cousin, Rachel. After the first 7 years, he was given Rachel's older sister, Leah. The man worked another 7 years to earn Rachel. All of the six points hit home. I couldn't stop the tears. I wondered if the message would have had as much of an impact on me if we hadn't just moved my friend out of her house and away from her husband. I wanted to take a copy of the sermon and beat her husband over the head with it.

I have decided to not let our friendship go down that road again. But I found myself wondering, what if they get back together? What do I do? He was part of the reason we grew apart this past year. I made sure not to bash him in front of her, and actually, I didn't in my mind either. I know how I feel about him, but I've never said it to her, but I think she has figured it out. I want her to be happy, and if God wants them to be together he will work things out, but I'm afraid that if they get back together, I'll lose her again.

Dear Lord,

I pray for your loving guidance, not only for her, but for myself as well. Allow me to be quiet enough to here You and Your wisdom. Provide me with the comforting words that she may need over the coming weeks. I also pray that Your guiding hand be with him. He is struggling so much right now and while he may not see it, he needs You right now. I also pray for the rest of her family. We are all struggling with strong emotions towards him. Grant us the peace that will be needed during this time. In YOUR name I pray...Amen.

I'll Bet On It

I am willing to bet this was created by a group of guys.

Here is the information I found about the toilet on the internet. I can't figure out what the red dot at the base of the stool is. Ayron thinks its the Staples "Easy" button.

SINGAPORE, Feb 7 (Reuters Life!) - Think you deserve a throne? A U.S. plumbing firm has created a luxury toilet equipped with laptop computer and flat-screen TV which it plans to give away in an online sweepstake.

Ohio-based Roto-Rooter says its "Pimped Out John" is designed to "fulfill all your wildest bathroom dreams." Special features include an iPod music player and speakers, an
Xbox' video game console, a refrigerator filled with drinks and snacks and a cycling exercise machine.

"The bathroom is the perfect place for your very own throne. It shouldn't always be regarded as the room of last resort," said Steven Pollyea, Roto-Rooter vice president of marketing, in a press release emailed to Reuters.

"The average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom, which equals one year, four months and five days in a lifetime... a toilet should be the most wonderful location in your home."
Roto-Rooter spokesman Paul Abrams said the firm spent about $5,000 on parts and components to customize the toilet.

Any resident of the United States could win this "gleaming monument to personal convenience" by entering the sweepstake at www.rotorooter.com before April 2.
You might never want to leave your bathroom again.

You better believe that as soon as I read this to Ayron he went to the site and registered to win the thing.

What Do I Make...

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You are a teacher, Julie. Be honest. What do you make?" Julie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?

(She paused for a second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor if this student has been barely passing. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 minutes without an I Pod, Game Cube, or movie rental...

You want to know what I make?"

(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. Not just say I'm sorry, but I am sorry for....... I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity."

"I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe. I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live in the United States of America. Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life."

(Julie paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant..."

"You want to know what I make?"

"I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?"

V-Day

HELP! Ayron is difficult to buy for. I need advice from guys. What should I get him for Valentine's Day.

Getting the House Ready

I opted to work from home yesterday afternoon, and after struggling to get all of my stuff in working order on the kitchen table, I decided to clean and organize the office. Luckily for me, I had my boys (Ayron, Michael, and Scooter) at the house and they were able to move the ridiculously heavy desk I own. I can now work at my desk and look out the window! I manged to dig out some old materials from school that could prove to be valuable to me for work and put them in the bookcase. I have Scooters smaller cage set up and my computer is hooked up and ready to go. Great for me, but one problem. It put me in a nesting stage (No, I'm not pregnant).

We are hosting a dinner party on the 16th and we have invited around 20 people. Side note, if your coming, don't forget to RSVP by this Friday. Anyways, I want my house to be perfect. I started cleaning the bathroom for the third time this week. I resorted the dirty laundry in hopes that the piles would shrink, it didn't work. Tonight, we are cleaning the bedroom. Next Tuesday Ayron is going to do pain touch ups. I'm going to spend the weekend working on the pink (we call it that because it has pink carpet) bedroom. The pink room, also known as the room which houses Jeremiah's troll den, has become a catch all for everything that we don't know where to put. I'd like to make it into a guest room so that the girls can come stay with us and have a place to sleep.

Hopefully we can get everything done in time!!

To Holicki or not to Holicki.....

that is the question.

I am lucky enough to have connections to several individuals in the eye care field. One man in particular, is created for pioneering eye surgeries and has many techniques and procedures named after him. Greg, worked under that doctor, and now works for Dr. Holicki. I have been told that I am the perfect person for Lasik or Lasek. The financial burden would not be an issue because of my connections. Many people would jump on board, but I'm timid, merely walking behind the train.

I have worn glasses off and on since 2nd grade. I was lucky enough to get contacts in high school and have been wearing them ever since. I recently have been told that my frequent use of contacts is warping my eyes and that I should switch back to glasses until I have my surgery. While I have a killer pair of new glasses, I like my contacts. I like being able to wear sunglasses and swim. I like being able to walk into a building without having glasses that fog up. So get the surgery right? Not that easy.

I freaked out when I had my gallbladder surgery and I knew I would be asleep for that. I'd be awake for this. Awake and with it while they poke around in my eye! I would have to be seriously drugged. Greg told me I could come in early and they could give me a shot of verset (who knows if I'm spelling it right, probably not). I've had the drug during the whole gallbladder phase, and that drug works miracles on me. They also have suckers for kids made out of that drug. I told Greg, "You'd have to shoot me up, and give me the entire box of suckers!"

It's been weighing on my mind. Why not? The financial burden wouldn't be an issue. I'd be free of my contacts and glasses. I could wake up and actually read the alarm clock. I'm debating about making an appointment for spring break. I just know that I'm a weeny when it comes to minor pain. I can take large pain. My surgeon was amazed at how well I was doing with the gallbladder pain when he pulled out my rock hard gallbladder. He didn't know how I was able to function on a daily basis with my organ is such a horrible shape. So why can't I take some minor discomfort and get it done. I've talked to people who have had it done, but they are all linked to Greg. I was talking to my "brother" about it Friday and he said, "Just get it done." I tried using the whole, "well, shouldn't you wait until after your have children because that can mess with your vision." To which Dan replied, "So do it now before you have kids." Got me. I guess the reason I'm hesitant is because everyone who is telling me to do it, hasn't had it done. Dan has glasses, Greg has glasses, heck the doctor that helped pioneer the whole process wears glasses!! How can the sell a product they haven't used! I know why, none of them are good candidates, but just my luck, I'm a perfect one.....grrrr....I'll probably end up making the call by the end of the week.

Has anyone out there had it done? Any words of advice? I'm NOT looking for horror stories, those don't help. Just friendly advice.

Literature

I started reading Ann Brashares series Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants last fall while I was student teaching. I had several girls in my class reading the first novel, and I was curious. I was hooked! I made Ayron watch the movie with me, and I've read each novel since. There are now four in the series, and I bought number 4 two days ago. While I liked how the series concluded, I must say that I am a bit appalled by what is in the plot line. If these stories are geared towards young females, why did Ann fill the last novel with sex? Sex, within the confines of marriage, is a wonderful and beautiful thing. Why promote sex to minor girls? I'm not stupid, I know kids are "doing it" and I can't say that I'm surprised. Sex is everywhere. Maybe I'm being too old fashioned or conservative, but I must say that it is possible to stay a virgin until marriage. I am not trying to condemn anyone who has had sex outside of a marriage, I know a ton of those people, but I also know the heartbreak that goes with it. Knowing all of the trouble and heartache sex can bring to young adult, why is main stream America selling it to the youth? It seems silly. We tell them not to have sex, to wait, all about STDS, etc, yet we put it in their novels, movies, and music. Am I the only one who is bugged by this?

"When You Say You Love Me"

Like the sound of silence calling

I hear your voice and suddenly I’m falling

Lost in a dream

Like the echoes of our souls are meeting

You say those words, my heart stops beating

I wonder what it means

What could it be that comes over me

At times I can’t move

At times I can hardly breathe

When you say you love me

The world goes still, so still inside and

When you say you love me

For a moment, there’s no one else alive

You’re the one I’ve always thought of

I don’t know how, but I feel sheltered in your love

You’re where I belong

And when you’re with me, if I close my eyes

There are times I swear I feel like I can fly

For a moment in time

Somewhere between the heavens and earth

Frozen in time

Oh, when you say those words

When you say you love me

The world goes still, so still inside and

When you say you love me

For a moment, there’s no one else alive

And this journey that we’re on

How far we’ve come and I

Celebrate every moment

And when you say you love me

That’s all you have to say

I’ll always feel this way

When you say you love me

The world goes still, so still inside and

When you say you love me

In that moment, I know why I’m alive

When you say you love me

When you say you love me

Do you know how I love you?

Weekend of Disappointments

Things never go very smoothly for me. Just when I think the road is leveling out, BAM!! God adds a speed bump. This weekend was one continuous speed bump. Something that we had been praying for and hoping for feel through. Maybe we weren't ready, maybe God is saying, "Not now." Either way, it was a big freakin let down. Ayron's truck was hit by a kid who was going 35 down our road, and didn't even slow down before plowing into the back end of the parked truck. When the sheriff came out (he lives right across the street) he realized the plates on the trust were expired. Then, right after that happened, our sewer line became blocked. After 5 hours of attempting to clean it out on our own, we called a professional. All he managed to do was freak me out and make the block worse. Sunday, Ayron and Tom managed to find the outside clean out and snake the line and broke up the clog and now we can shower and use the restroom (no, I don't count being able to use the facilities a disappointment). I have been fighting an ear ache and sore throat all weekend as well. I came to work early this morning to get some shopping and basic office tasks done before my staff and student arrived, only to find that the heat hasn't worked in the building all weekend. I am sitting in my 53 degree office in my winter coat, gloves (which makes it hard to type), and hat waiting for the heating guy to get here. I have two doors and two windows cracked in case the furnace is putting out carbon monoxide.

Don't get me wrong, I know it sounds like I'm in whining, but I'm just wondering about the topic of disappointment. Would everything else sucked so bad had the first disappointment not happened? Did the first disappointment put me in such a mood that I viewed everything else as God trying to get through to me? Sometimes I think that I view everything as a sign from God. It just seemed like God was using this weekend to beat me down. Was I getting to confidant? Some answers would be nice. I know everything happens according to HIS time, but I'm the type of person that needs answers. I'd be ok with the disappointment if I knew why. Needless to say, I've spent a lot of time in prayer. Maybe that was God's goal. Am I that stubborn that it took a string of events before I sat down and prayed? If I am that stubborn, why? I am working on reprioritizing my life with God being the focus. He's always been there, but lately I think my focus has been blurred. I'm working on removing those cataracts and getting my focus back on Him, but I know that will be difficult.

Starting this weekend, our lives will become crazy. Ayron has Hope Group Training at Pastor's house on Monday. Tuesday, he has play practice and soccer, while I attend Puppy Training. Wednesday is catch your breath day, Thursday I have a class that I am taking/teaching for work, and Friday's usually entail some kind of family or friend function. Don't get me wrong, I love being busy, but I know that when I'm busy, I lose my focus. Just pray that I am able to keep my sanity through the next three months.

Funny Sign

I saw this saying today on a carwash sign.

"Careless today, Carless tomorrow"

Funny Sign

I saw this saying today on a carwash sign.

"Careless today, Carless tomorrow"

Radio Wars

Auburn has its own local radio station, Froggy 106.7 and they have been having a fun contest the past week. The afternoon dj, Chris, isn't a Colts nor a Bear's fan. He was asking the community to help him decide who to cheer for on the day of the Superbowl. Chuck, the owner of Crickets bar, is a Bears fan. His friend, Ben, the owner of Taylor Rental (He's Ayron's boss), is a huge Colts fan. They decided to bribe Chris into liking "their" team. Chris sold out to Chuck for a case of bear and food. Ben sent out an email to over 500 people telling them to call the radio station and heckle and what not. Ayron decided to call and told Chris, "You were bought. How does it feel to be owned. You sold out for beer? You are owned...." I then called into the radio station and said, "I think you need to know something about the previous caller who was calling you 'bought.' Um.... I'll probably catch flack for this when I get home, but that caller was bought by Ben. He works for Ben." Everyone in the booth lost it. They were laughing and carrying on about "Who's bought now." Both of our comments ended up on the air. It was fun! Ayron's been on the radio numerous times, this was my first time.

This morning was the stations last day for their search for the biggest Colts fan. Ayron was going to get up early and physically go to the station, but he slept in and called on his way to work. He said, "I'm 6'10" and 345 lbs. I'm pretty sure that I'm the biggest Colts fan in Auburn." That made the morning show hosts laugh. They told him, "Well, while that is big, it's not the type of big we are looking for."

As I was surfing the radio's website I found these. Sorry Ben, but your identity has been revealed.

Change in Work Email

For the few of you who had my work email, I thought I'd let you know that they finally gave me an offical steuben county government email address. I will occassionally check yipteacher@yahoo.com but I plan to phase that out. My new work email address is creeves@co.steuben.in.us

Many Fishtales But Never A Doughnut

Growing up in Indiana, I have experience driving in this wonderful winter weather. While I've never been in an accident, I have gone off the road twice. The first time happened while driving to school my senior year. I was the 4th DHS student to slide off the road in the same spot on 35. I managed to get myself out of the corn field and to school. I called dad when I got to school and while I was still freaked out, he laughed at me. The second time happened while I was driving home from Ayron's old house. All of the sudden, I couldn't see a thing. I had a feeling that I wasn't on the road. I put the car in park, and called Ayron. He and his father came and got me out of the ditch and when I returned the next day, I realized that I was all of 3 inches away from hitting a tree head on. But, I have never done a doughnut.

Last night Ayron and I needed to return some equipment from the Auburn store. When he pulled into the parking lot, he did a doughnut and I screamed. While it was fun, I had no clue it was coming! He amused me by doing several more before we left. He laughed at the fact that I had never done one before. Well now I can say that I have experienced a controlled doughnut and it was fun.

Another Reality Show...

from the "geniuses" at MTV. I was flipping through stations while I was at my mom's house and stopped on MTV because the commercial caught my eye. They are profiling minors who are locked in an juvenile detention center. Maybe they are hoping for the "scared straight" method, but as someone who works with these youth on a daily basis, the last thing they need is a camera crew hanging around a facility. I plan on having my mom tape the first episode so I can see what it is all about, but that does not lessen my disgust.

Doing Better

I have been in a funk for the entire week. I don't like being that way. I am crabby, nonproductive, and just plain yucky. I decided to spend some time in prayer and meditation today at work. But first, I decided that I needed a snack. I went down the road to the gas station and bought a Sprite and Seyfert's Cheese popcorn. I came back to my office, popped in WOW 2003, the Silver Cd and started "meditating." Only, I can't sit still. I'm sure if anyone is outside looking in my office window they are getting a show displaying my wonderful chair dancing abilities. It's amazing what popcorn, pop and Toby Mac's "Irene" can do for a person.

"Hush little baby don't you cry, daddy's gonna sing you a lullabye...."

Music

Anyone who knows me, knows I like music. I often use it as a type of meditation and prayer. I know it sounds silly to use music during meditation because most people prefer it to be quiet, but I like the noise. The lyrics are what help me focus. I have a small CD player in my office and I always have music going. Lately, it's been all Christian artits (Switchfoot, Stacie Orico, Jars of Clay, Third Day) and some old groups that I'd probably get made fun of if I admited that they were in the player right now, but for me, it works. Here are two songs that are currently running through my mind. What songs do you use to worship? What are you favorites? I loved.....crud, I can't think of the title, let alone any of the lyrics right now.....ahhh we sang it Saturday at church. Quick, Nate or Adam, what songs did we sing Saturday? Any who, I'm always looking to expand my musical tastes, so I'm curious what others listen to. It's still bugging me that I can't think of the song.

"Alyssa Lies" by Jason Michael Caroll

My little girl met a new friend,
just the other day,
on the playground at school
between the tires and the swings

But she came home with tear-filled eyes, a
nd she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa lies"

Well I just brushed it off at first,
'cause I didn't know how much my little girl had been hurt
or the things she had seen.
I wasn't ready when I said "You can tell me"

and she said... "Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

My little girl laid her head down that night to go to sleep.
As I stepped out the room, I heard her say a prayer so soft and sweet
"God bless my mom and my Dad
and my new friend, Alyssa
*oh*I know she needs you bad

Because Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

I had the worst night of sleep in years
as I tried to think of a way to calm her fears
I knew just what it was I had to do
but when we got to school on Monday I heard the news

My little girl asked me why everybody looked so sad
the lump in my throat grew bigger
with every question that she asked.
Until I felt the tears run down my face
and I told her that Alyssa wouldn't be at school today

'Cause she doesn't lie in the classroom
she doesn't lie anymore at school
Alyssa lies with Jesus
because there's nothin' anyone would do

Tears filled my eyes when my little girl asked me
why Alyssa lies *Oh Daddy, oh* Daddy tell me why Alyssa lies

"Long Trip Alone" Dierks Bentely

It's a long trip alone over sand and stone
That lie along the road that we all must travel down
So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
'Cause it's a long trip alone
It's a short piece of time but just enough to find
A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by
'Cause it's a short piece of time
And I don't know where I'd be without you here
'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yea YeahHallelujah hallelujah oh

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe I could feel right beside you 'til I'm home
'Cause it's a long trip alone

Reconnecting

I managed to drag myself to work yesterday and today. I haven't been feeling well and my back has been the main source of pain. I am glad that I came in yesterday though. While I did get some work done, I also spent a large amount of my day chatting with an old friend. We grew up together, but lost touch until our freshman year in college, and that contact was brief. Our mothers ran into each other at Wal-Mart and I was able to get his current contact information. He is currently working overseas for 3 weeks, but we have talked more in the past week than we have in 7 years. It was cool to reconnect and remember all of the silly things we used to do as kids. We did talk about timing. I am a firm believer that everything happens in God's time and while we may not understand it, we need to accept it. We were talking and wondering why we had drifted apart and thinking back and wishing we hadn't. There were so many situations in both of our lives where each other would have been helpful. For some reason, God waited till now. I don't know why, and yes I wish he hadn't waited this long, but like I said, I accept it. It's funny though. I was driving to the chiropractor yesterday thinking through our almost 2 hour chat and thinking, "I would like to fly out there and visit him this summer." It's funny how after almost 9 years of not interacting we were able to interact like no time had passed.

Am I the Only One??

Today has got me thinking, and no thinking doesn't hurt (there I beat you to the punch line). I have a theory that I experience minor pain when people in my life are experience large amounts of pain. Here is why I have this feeling.

The day of Nikki's accident, I felt like crud. I couldn't pin point just why I didn't feel good, but I knew that I didn't feel well. About the time of the accident (I know this now) I really started to feel ill. I had a sharp pain my head, my left hand wouldn't function properly, and my left leg was tingly. Piecing it together now, I realize I felt this way because of two things. That morning, a friend of mine, who happens to be Nikki's sister in law (she's married to Nikki's brother) was is a minor fender bender on her way to work in Fort Wayne. About the time I started experiencing the larger pain, Nikki had her accident.

Not knowing why I didn't feel right, I came to work today. While I didn't, and still don't, feel ill, I don't feel 100% either. I started having severe chest and back pain. I felt like I was being shocked with a taser (not like I'd actually know that feeling, but it's the only think I can think to compare it to). The pain bounced off my sternum and hit my spine, where a numbness traveled down my back into my hip and caused my leg to twitch. It is still doing that now, but that's besides the point. Right after the pain was getting worse and I was debating calling the chiropractor and leaving work, Ayron called. A brother of his employee was killed in a car accident.

I discussed my theory with a friend of mine and that only caused me to think more. The night I found out about my parents divorce I was at Ayron's house and he brought me home because I didn't feel well. We walked in the door the exact moment the "d" bomb was dropped.

Last summer when my sister messed up her back, I was at home sitting and I had a strange shock run down my back. The phone rang and it was my sister in extreme pain.

Is this some kind of spiritual gift that I don't know about? Am I the only person that experiences this? If the accident of an employees brother is what brought about my pain this morning, then why is it back this afternoon? I know, I know, go to the doctor. I am seriously thinking about it.

Prayer

Ayron just called me to let me know that a brother of one of his employees was killed in a car accident this morning. We don't know names, details, etc, but we know that she needs prayer. Please keep her in your thoughts this week. She is struggling with life already, and now this.

I Caved...

Ayron and I went to Fort Wayne yesterday and did some shopping. I was looking for tennis shoes or comfy shoes and we ended up at Payless in the mall. I ended up leaving with two pairs of the Airwalk version of Crocs. I never thought I'd cave into what seems to a be large fad, but dang...they are comfy! I wasn't able to get any fun colors since I have the feet of a giant. I have a black and a blue pair. I'm wearing the black pair now!!

Poker is Canceled

For those of you who were planning or thinking about coming to our house on Monday for poker, we have to cancel. Ayron forgot he had a Relay for Life committee thing he has to be at. We will reschedule and let you know, so stay tuned for further details.

Phil and Nikki

Phil and Nikki came over the house last night and we chit chatted about what's been going on. The met with a lawyer yesterday. The insurance company of the woman that caused the crash says they "can't pay anymore." This is going to turn into a battle. They aren't looking to get rich, but as of right now, they don't know if she'll be able to go back to work, what the effects down the road will be (seizures, PT, vision,etc). But, Nikki is doing very well. She would like to say "Hello and thanks" to Devery. She has become the master of pureed food. They even did chips and salsa pureed the other night. While Nikki has undergone major changes, it's interesting to watch how Phil has changed.

Phil was, and probably still is, a macho man. He's not the emotional kind. When he does get emotional, it is hardly in front of people. He is the assistant chief of a fire department and very much a manly man. At times it seems as if his heart was made of lead, but now it's softened. Everyone would expect it to soften towards Nikki, but it has towards everyone. He never was mean with others, but he wasn't a touchy feely person. While he still isn't, he is a lot "softer." Watching him interact with Nikki, the girls, us, and even our dog since the accident has been amusing. Not like, funny amusement, but I watch him in amazement. I don't know if I could have remained as strong as he has over the past month. Maybe he's always been this way and I just never noticed. But I wonder if that is true, I've been around for 6 years now, and this is the first time I've seen him like this. I like it, and I hope he is here to stay.